Fanfic:Through Grief and Smoke
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What had once been tolerably stale air now stank, the smell of char and smoke nearly unbearable in the enclosed space of what had once been their shared study. "Jaryd..." Surprise made her whisper his name, the delicate Aes Sedai grinding her teeth together against the fresh wave of pain that rolled through her. Kaia sucked in a breath, regretting it instantly as she choked and spluttered against the heavy, cloying air. Through streaming eyes, she stared at the haze that blanketed the room, green eyes following the undulating tendrils of smog that curled and coiled against the ceiling.
What happened?
It took several minutes before she was able to bring herself back under control, wiping her cheeks with the edge of a silken lace sleeve. She embraced, weaving a small dome of Air around her. It helped some but within the confined space, all she really did was push the smoke away from her. It had nowhere to go. The petite Domani took tentative steps towards the door of Jaryd's old study, uneasy that it was simply left open. In all the time they had been together, he had never - stop. She bit through that thought abruptly, but not before another wave of pain crashed over her. Kaia tried desperately to mute it, failing to do so, and the breath was fairly knocked out of her.
Her hand went up to her neck, absently brushing against the black stone that rested beneath the hollow of her throat. She took in another lungful of air, grimacing at the soot and grit she could practically taste, her body leaning forward as she peered into a scene of complete devastation. Saidar enhanced her vision in the ambient light from the lamps behind her, but it was not difficult to figure out what had happened. Scorch marks marred the stone of all four walls, uneven heaps of ash all that remained of what was once furniture... and only the Light knew what else. The Altaran's old study was left in eerie silent ruin.
As if trapped in a dream she could not wake from, Kaia felt her consciousness splinter. She hovered close to the ceiling, floating and wavering. She watched with detached curiosity as her body bolted across the way, scrambling over rugs and knocking into end tables and chairs. Crimson, smoke, copper, green, and stone bled together. The Source slipped from her grasp.
A flare of unbearable pressure; a jolt, and her awareness was her own again. She retreated into what was still her private room, chest heaving. She slammed the door shut behind her, shaking her head, battling down the tears that burned behind her eyes. The scent of charr clung to her. Oh Light... oh Light... She had escaped to the basement in the hopes that maybe, just maybe, with enough distance between her and the bed she had shared with Jaryd in the M'Hael's rooms... She wanted the oblivion that sleep promised. Even if only for a few hours - to not think... to not feel... to not hurt...
The Aes Sedai glanced around her in dismay. She would find no relief here. Not... not here. Not in her bed where they had shared their first - a sound much like a sob came, the Red cramming her knuckles into her mouth to keep from simply screaming out her helpless grief and despair. Why had she thought she would find peace here? It was a foolish hope, fueled by foolish notions. Unable to cope with the sheer magnitude of what she felt, she opened herself up once again to saidar, the deluge of warmth and joy at complete odds with what seethed beneath the surface of her skin. She let the female half of the Source pour into her, filling her. She stopped at the point just before the sweetness became pain. A rolling ball of Spirit and Fire burst to life above her head. The light chased away the shadows of her room, the glow of Power banishing some of the shadows from her mind.
The emerald depths of her gaze went to her bed. Kaia stared at the four poster frame, her breathing harsh to her own ears. Ribbons of Air lashed out, whipping around the room with concussive force that flattened her eardrums. Her motions were desperate as she directed the flows with no real precision, knocking over the full length mirror frame, sweeping things off of her cabinets and shelves, her hands clenching into small fists as she pummeled the mattress in impotent rage with focused bursts of Power. She couldn't stand it. A casual flick of her hand sent a whip of Air against the mirror, the smooth reflective surface shattering in a cascade of glittering shards. She wrapped shimmered gold weaves around her dresser, the flows contracting as she made a fist. The inlaid wooden panels buckled, snapping, before simply crumpling into a broken heap. Grasping tendrils of Air tore down the gauzy sheer curtains that decorated the walls. A roll of her fingers and her weaves shredded the colourful silks into pieces.
It wasn't enough. It still wasn't enough.
She shook her head, a small noise escaping her. The petite Domani coiled wrist thick cables of Air around each of the four wooden posts, her hands pressed together in front of her. The raven head canted to the side ever-so-slightly, the sound of her own heartbeat deafening as it roared in her ears. Kaia slowly eased apart splayed hands, pulling in opposite directions at the Air flows that snaked around the two posts nearest to her. There was resistance, the strain rocking through her slight body, setting her back on her heels. She grimaced as the pressure inside her skull intensified, but she banished it as best she could with a curt shake of her head. She readjusted her grasp on the weaves, her breath hissing out through gritted teeth. The Aes Sedai yanked, her arms flying out on either side of her. For a moment, there came fear, true fear, that she had pushed herself past the point of no return. Cold so frigid that it left her bodily numb wrapped around her. A flutter of movement kicked up the ends of the blankets and sheets, the middle of the footboard sagging before the agonizing drawn out sound of something snapping came. With an almost lazy indolence, the two wooden posts listed to the side before toppling over.
Kaia turned around too quickly, stumbling, pushing out with another concussive wave of Air that flew out to impact the closed door. The study panel shuddered, and shuddered again before cracking beneath the strain, another volley of Air smashing through it as she simply blew it apart. She stepped through the shower of splinters and debris, finding that she no longer noticed the charr and the smoke. Saidar winked out from around her and took with it the only relief she had from the endless void of her mind. There came a fleeting moment where the thought came that she should reduce her room to ashes and dust as well - it would be fitting - but the petite woman realized that she... no longer cared. At last, she felt nothing.
