Fanfic:The Test
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"My story is not pleasant."
"You nearly bled to death on my doorstep, Kaira. I am not expecting a child's tale."
"I hardly know where to begin. How strange. It was like a nightmare that would never end. And now that I have woken, I cannot seem to find the beginning."
"Take your time. Can you eat? Careful, it's hot."
"Give me the spoon. I'm not an invalid. Ouch, it burns!"
"Ha! I told you it was hot!"
"Mmm, it tastes good. I haven't had a meal like this since the day I left home. My father was a wonderful cook, and my aunt used to bring us honeycakes for dessert… There, yes, that's it. I will begin my story with my last day in Hama Valon. It was in the springtime, in the month of Adar, just two weeks before my fifteenth birthday..."
The school bell tolled. The students gathered their papers and stoppered their inkwells. As they left their desks, they sorted themselves into two distinct groups. The smaller group went to the head of the classroom, where they exchanged slippers for boots to aid their afternoon walk back to the Tower. The rest of the children gathered in a corner and gossiped. Unlike the Tower children, they had nowhere to be and nowhere to go. They lived at the school and were free to do as they pleased until dinner. They were the orphans, the unwanted, the lost children of Hama Valon.
Kaira remained sitting in her desk at the back of the room and plucked absently at a loose thread of her dress. She never walked home with the other Tower children. Who would want to associate with the child of a Darkfriend? It had been made clear to her, long ago, that she did not belong. Some of the children had been taught to fear her for her mother's legacy. Others treated her with disdain. She didn't mind the loneliness, because at least the Tower children left her alone - unlike the orphans, who feared nothing.
She did not want to leave the classroom, not just yet. They would be waiting, the other girls in her class, the mean ones. Sometimes they would become impatient and leave if she waited long enough.
Sometimes they wouldn't.
"Is something wrong, Kaira?"
Kaira smiled up at her teacher. A wide, fake smile, the one that she showed her father each afternoon when she returned home from school. Adults were so easy to fool.
"No ma'am," she said.
"Vanya Sedai would like to see you," the teacher said.
Kaira sighed. Just last week, she had promised her father that she would try and do better to avoid trouble. Yet here she was, sent to the Headmistress' office again. Light, what will he say? She slowly put away her belongings, deliberately taking her time. By the time she finally stood, the other children had left.
She poked her head outside the classroom door and smiled. The hall was empty.
However, her relief was short-lived. A round-faced girl with long, blonde hair sat on the bench outside the Headmistress' door, leaning back carelessly with her hands tucked behind her head. Like other school orphans, she wore a dress of off-white muslin. Her eyes narrowed as Kaira approached.
"You too, witchling?" the girl said. "What did you do this time?"
Kaira grimaced and sidled over to perch at the edge of the bench. She resented the assumption that she had landed herself in trouble again, despite its likely truth.
"Nothing," she muttered. "Leave me alone, Livia."
She studied the tiled floor, hoping that the other girl would simply ignore her. Sometimes Livia could be tolerable when she wasn't surrounded by her friends.
There was a rustle of skirts as Livia slid along the bench. Then she draped an arm across Kaira's shoulders.
"And leave my poor friend all alone to face the Headmistress?"
Kaira shook her off.
"I am not your friend," she said.
Surprisingly, a flash of hurt passed across Livia's face. Too late, Kaira wished that she could take back her words. Perhaps I misunderstood her, she thought. But then Livia's expression hardened.
"Of course not," she said, coldly. "Why would anyone be friends with you? No, I wasn't talking about you. Reana is in there with Vanya Sedai."
Kaira's questioning glance was answered by a smirking grin.
"Don't act so surprised," Livia said. "She is not in trouble. Unlike you, some people visit the Headmistress for reasons other than detention."
"I'm not in trouble either," Kaira insisted, although she could not keep the worry out of her voice. Why else would Vanya Sedai want to see her?
The sound of shouting drifted through the door.
"Uh-oh," Livia whispered.
Kaira fiddled with her dress, and then looked quickly at Livia.
"When she is angry, does she lash out at you, too?" she asked.
There was a sharp intake of breath as Livia's expression contorted. Was it anger? Fear? Shame? Livia pressed her lips together and turned away.
They waited in tense silence.
A tall, dark-haired girl stormed through the Headmistress' door and slammed it behind her. Her dark eyes shone with unsuppressed fury. When she saw Kaira, her nostrils flared as if she had caught the scent of prey. She stomped down the hall and toward their bench. Livia jumped to her feet and pulled on Reana's arm.
"Come on, let's go," she said. Her voice held a hint of desperation.
But Reana could not be deterred. She stopped in front of Kaira and placed her hands on her hips.
"What are you doing here, witchling?"
Kaira shrank back and tried to make herself look as small as possible. Reana leaned down.
"I think I know," she whispered. "Vanya Sedai had a candle on her desk. I asked her what it was for. She said that she was waiting to test a student. So I asked her to test me too. Do you know what she did? She refused. You witches think that you can keep the Power to yourselves, hm? You think that the rest of us don't see it? The way you all hide your secrets up in that Tower. The way you say one thing and mean another. The way you refuse to treat others as equals... others like me."
Her hand darted forward. She dug her fingers into Kaira's arm.
Kaira cried out in pain.
"Stop it, Reana! I don't know anything. Let me go!"
Reana pulled Kaira off the bench and shoved her toward the door.
"Go on," she said. "Vanya Sedai is waiting for you. Take her stupid test. And when you are done, you will tell me how to take the test and become an Aes Sedai. Do you understand, Kaira? You will tell me everything."
Kaira's arm throbbed where Reana had grabbed her. She knew without looking that there would be a bruise. Her body quivered, like a string stretched too tight. She imagined striking back, and her hands clenched into fists. But she had tried to fight back many times and always come out the worse for wear. Reana had spent her childhood fighting for scraps in the streets and had the longer reach. Kaira never won.
Reluctantly, she nodded. Then she went to the door and knocked.
Vanya Sedai opened the door and waved her inside. Warm yellow and golden brown tones filled the office. Two elegant, cushioned chairs stood before a carved chestnut desk. Today, the desk had been cleared. Only a single red wax candle stood on its polished surface.
"Sit, child," Vanya said.
Kaira searched for the riding crop that the Aes Sedai used for discipline. When she didn't find it, mixed emotions of relief and dread washed over her. She sat.
"Tea?"
"No, Vanya Sedai. Thank you." Her hands fiddled nervously with her skirts.
Vanya smiled gently. She was a lovely woman, with delicate features and a sweet, motherly smile. Kaira could not put any age to her, although she must have been over seventy years old. There was a maturity in her eyes that belied her smooth, unlined face. Kaira was struck by the realization that her aunt looked much the same. Of course, she thought. They are both Aes Sedai.
"You must be wondering why I asked you to come," said Vanya, over her porcelain cup. "Your aunt informed me that you will be turning fifteen soon. The Tower accepts novices at a younger age, of course, but we begin testing our students around their fifteenth birthday. Have you heard anything of this test?"
Kaira attempted to avoid the question. "Aunt Elia is very thoughtful," she said, carefully. "I am grateful that she remembered my birthday."
There was a hint of knowing in Vanya's expression that made Kaira's stomach squeeze uncomfortably. She looked away from the Aes Sedai and glanced again around the room. Her gaze fell on the red candle. She frowned in puzzlement. A small flame danced at the end of the wick. Had it been lit before?
She blinked. The flame flickered and flashed. Once… twice…
The third flash came slower and weaker than the others. Then the candle blew out, leaving only a small wisp of smoke that drifted from where the flame had been. Her fingers and toes tingled. Something strange had happened, but she was not sure exactly what.
She nearly jumped out of her skin when the Aes Sedai spoke. Her voice seemed unnaturally loud in the silence that had settled over the room.
"Your mother was very strong in the Power," Vanya said. "Sometimes these things run in families. Look at me, Kaira. Have you ever noticed anything strange happening around you? Voices speaking in your ear as if they were next to you, although the speakers stood in another room. People agreeing to your wishes, if you wanted it badly enough. Odd dreams that seemed to match reality a little too closely. Anything?"
Kaira licked her lips. There was something frightening about Vanya's expression in the way her eyes glittered and her mouth twisted. Kaira had seen that look on many faces. On the face of a boy who had stolen her honeycakes when she was little. On the face of street merchants when her father walked by with a Tower-marked sword on his hip and a purse full of gold. On Reana's face when she spoke of becoming an Aes Sedai.
It was the face of greed.
"I don't think so, Vanya Sedai," she said, slowly.
Vanya's lips tightened. Kaira rubbed at the goosebumps that appeared on her arms. A disturbing chill filled the room. Slowly, as if directed by an invisible hand, the smoke from the candle shaped itself into letters.
LIAR.
Kaira stared in silence.
"I want the truth," Vanya whispered. "The whole truth. What have you seen, Kaira? What can you do? Your mother had a forbidden Talent that she revealed on the day of her reckoning, a Talent that betrayed her as a friend of the Dark. Do you have it too?"
Kaira leapt out of her chair. Her heart pounded furiously. She wanted to flee, but her limbs felt heavy and leaden. Vanya stared right through her, with a gaze that pierced her soul. There was judgment in her look, and the greed had not faded. She wants me to become a student of the Tower, Kaira realized with horror. Reana was right. There had been a test, and she had passed.
Reana is the one who deserves to pass, she thought despairingly. Not me. Vanya wants me only because she believes that I will have my mother's Talent. But I am not my mother!
The silence stretched on. With each passing moment, Kaira felt herself breaking down under the Aes Sedai's gaze. She tried to conceal her rising panic.
"I don't want to be a novice," she said. Her throat constricted as she spoke. Her voice was pitifully weak. Her thoughts tumbled, one after the other. She would live, study, breathe in the Tower, for the next ten years at least. Maybe more. As a novice, with Aes Sedai all around her, she would be trapped. And under it all, her consciousness whispered her deepest, most terrible fear.
What if I am just like my mother?
The Headmistress stood. Her mood shifted, faster than an eye could blink. Rosebud lips curved into a kind smile. Her features softened. Once again, the woman appeared lovely, warm, and motherly. Still, Kaira could not dispel her sense of discomfort and fear.
"Go home," Vanya said, gently. "Go home to your father. Do not tell him or your aunt about this meeting. We will speak again tomorrow."
Kaira sprinted down the hall. She did not stop for the two girls waiting in the hallway. They called her name, and then ran after her. Down the stairs, across the hall, and out of the front doors into the courtyard. There she stopped, dazzled by the light of the afternoon sun.
"Hey, wait!"
She spun around.
"You were right," she said. "She tested me. I passed."
Reana lunged forward and seized her by the shoulders.
"How? Tell me how!"
"You can't," Kaira said, quietly. "You have to be born with it. But I am not going to the Tower. I am leaving and never coming back."
"Where would you go?" Livia asked.
Kaira reared back.
"What do you care?" she shouted. "Anywhere but here. I will go alone. No one can stop me!"
Reana tightened her grip.
"Alone?" she asked, smiling strangely.
Kaira bowed her head. She did not want them to see the tears that had suddenly sprung unbidden to blur the edges of her vision. Reana took her hand.
"Do not go alone," she said. "It is dangerous to travel alone. I will go with you. If I am not to become an Aes Sedai, then there is nothing for me here."
Livia's mouth dropped open with shock. Then she hurried forward and took Kaira's other hand.
"I will come too," she said. "You will not be alone."
Kaira raised her head, hardly believing her ears. As long as she had known the two of them, they had teased and bullied her. She dreaded their approach and resented their rejection. Yet a part of her had yearned to be accepted. To belong. She grasped their hands in hers, and thought that this was quite possibly too good to be true. Why would they suddenly want her?
She wondered, but did not dare to question too deeply. A small smile flitted across her face.
"Not another word about my crazy, wool-brained witch of a mother," she said.
Reana laughed. The sound was harsh and bitter. Kaira thought that she had never heard anything sweeter.
"Agreed," Reana said. "Tonight then?"
Kaira pulled her hand away and wiped a tear from her cheek.
"Tonight."
Kaira took one last look around her bedroom. There was so much left behind, but that was the whole point, wasn't it? She was running away from her past and towards a future where she would be judged, not by the circumstances of her birth but by the skill of her hands and content of her character. She grinned and stepped lightly toward the window.
Someone knocked on the front door. Her father answered it. Kaira hesitated and tilted her head to listen. She did not recognize the voice. It was a stranger. A woman.
"Is your daughter home, Ravak?"
Light, were they coming for her? Kaira gasped and threw open her window. Quickly, she shoved her bundle outside. It fell down two floors to the ground below with a heavy thud. A knock sounded on her door. No! She launched herself out the window, slid down the wall, dropped to the ground, and rolled. Hard lumps of stone dug painfully into her thigh.
She staggered to her feet. Her bag of provisions had fallen just a few feet away. She hefted it in her arms and ran. Across the grounds of the Tower and out of the gates. The guards looked at her strangely, but they knew her face. She blustered her way through.
They met under the moonlight, in a grove of trees just outside of the city. Kaira set down her bag and bent over, hands on knees, panting for breath.
"We need to hurry," she said.
Livia peered curiously into the bag. Then she turned it over and dumped everything out. Kaira protested.
"What are you doing?"
"You can't carry all of this by yourself," Livia said and began sorting through the items.
There was also a long object wrapped in cloth. Reana reached for it.
"What is that?"
Kaira snatched it away.
"Don't touch," she warned.
"Let me see!"
Kaira carefully unwrapped the cloth. It was a long, gleaming sword. Reana pointed at the symbols engraved into the base of the blade, right above the hilt. A circle divided by a sinuous line. A serpent eating its own tail. It was a Tower-marked blade.
"Is this…?"
"Yes," Kaira said, proudly. "It is my father's."
"You can sell this for a fair amount of gold," Reana said. Her eyes gleamed. Kaira shifted uncomfortably.
"It is not for selling," she said. She wrapped the sword again in its cloth. "We might run into trouble."
"What did you tell your father?" Livia asked.
Kaira grinned.
"I didn't."
Her hand shook as she lifted the spoon to her mouth. Bit by bit and sip by sip, she finished the soup. Stefan took the empty bowls downstairs to wash. When he returned, she had lifted the dressing from the scar on her neck. At the sound of his footsteps, she turned.
"Could you give me a mirror?" she asked.
Stefan hesitated. "There is still some swelling," he said. "The willowbark compress will help. Perhaps it would be better to - "
"Please!"
He obeyed. She turned her head from side to side to examine the scar. The skin had puckered and the scar was red and raw. Stefan hoped that it would fade in color, though only time could tell.
"These stitches are very well done," she said. Her fingers trembled as she traced the scar. She continued, in a broken voice. "It is not so bad. I can hide it with a scarf."
Later that day, she climbed out of bed against Stefan's better judgment. He worried that she would tear her sutures. But she insisted on exercise.
"The Aes Sedai always said that scars needed to be stretched," she said. She bent over slowly, straining to touch her toes. "Or they would tighten and you would lose the flexibility forever. Oooh that's sore! Ow ow ow!"
Stefan did not point out that the Aes Sedai had far superior powers at their disposal.
Although Kaira did not seem to appreciate his small collection of books, she had a busy mind. She asked for something to keep her occupied. After some thought, Stefan brought her a woven basket full of yarn and holey socks, which she accepted it with unbridled delight. However, he soon observed that she had no idea how to darn socks and spent most of her time simply picking at knots or cursing at her needles.
In the evening, they went downstairs to enjoy the warmth of the fireplace. Kaira curled up under a blanket. Her basket rested in her lap. She picked idly at the colored yarn.
Stefan blew a ring of smoke into the air.
"So. Your mother was an Aes Sedai?" he asked.
Kaira remained silent for a very long time. He almost thought that she would not answer.
Finally, she spoke.
"Yes. Until she was stilled and stripped of the title."
"I'm sorry," said Stefan.
Kaira nodded, then passed a hand over her eyes.
"She deserved it."
"What does that mean, to be stilled?"
"An Aes Sedai's power comes from her connection to the One Power, the power that drives the Wheel of Time. To be stilled is to be cut off from that source. Forever. It is a punishment reserved for the very worst of criminals. Forgive me, Stefan, if I do not elaborate. I feel rather tired. Perhaps it is time for bed."
Stefan stifled his curiosity and helped her upstairs. Then he returned to stretch out in front of the fireplace. He stared into the flames while his imagination wandered, taking him to the far away lands where a young woman had fled from the chains of destiny. Such chains are not so easily broken, he thought. Despite the warmth of the fire, a cold despair filled his heart. Hundreds of bottled ingredients lined the shelves of his store. He felt a sudden, incomprehensible urge to smash every single jar to the floor.
He buried his head in his hands. Even when he finally fell asleep, death and destruction haunted his dreams.
