Fanfic:The Bottom of the List
| Author(s) |
|
|---|---|
| Character(s) |
|
This is a piece of fanfiction. Only the original author(s) or Librarian(s) should make content changes to this page. |
“Success is achieved by developing our strengths, not by eliminating our weaknesses.”
The Fifteenth Day of Choren – The man who was hit on the head
Mirin peered into the Trauma Ward. There were dark rings under her eyes, and her expression was perpetually tired – but her banded Accepted dress was neat, her hands were clean, and the notes on her papers were written in a careful, organized hand.
It had been six weeks since she received the Great Serpent ring that glittered on her left hand. She now knew that life as an Accepted was far more difficult than life as a novice. While she had more freedom, her new responsibilities were also a heavy weight on her shoulders.
After passing the arches, she had expressed interest in learning about Healing. Over the last few weeks, she endured a crash course in herbcraft and basic Healing weaves. To work in the infirmary, students had to apply for and pass a qualifying exam. The Yellow sister who evaluated Mirin had almost turned her away – girls who wished to work in the infirmary usually began studying as novices – but Mirin had worked doggedly and passed the exam by the skin of her teeth.
During her exam, Mirin had been asked why she had suddenly developed this interest in Healing. She had merely ducked her head and replied, “After being raised, I began to think seriously about which Ajah to pursue. I’d like to experience the work of the Yellow Ajah.”
Mirin knew that the answer was weak and bland. But she would have never admitted the true reason: her recent discovery of her hidden Talent in Compulsion. She could think of no better place than the hospital of the Grey Tower to expand her knowledge of the human mind.
She had been the last student to be accepted. Her name sat at the bottom of the list. But still, she had somehow passed. And so finally, she was here, wandering the halls of the infirmary, sent to check on a list of patients and to report back to her assigned mentor, Aria Sedai.
The man had been knocked unconscious during a drunken brawl at a local tavern last week. He had not yet awakened. He appeared calm and peaceful, as though he were merely sleeping. Mirin felt for his pulse, checked for bedsores, and then lifted his eyelids. His pupils did not react to light. Then, she embraced saidar and Delved the patient.
An artery had burst in the man’s left temple. Using threads of Spirit and Air, Mirin gently traced the damaged part of the man’s mind, measuring the size of the lesion. Her pen moved across the paper in her hand, describing her observations.
While Mirin had found that she had a knack for identifying injuries, she did not have a Talent for Healing. Still, the Healers often found her descriptions useful. As she examined the man’s brain, she wondered if any of the Yellow sisters or brothers would be able to Heal this injury. The damage was quite extensive.
She stepped out of the room and found Aria Sedai. “The man in the Trauma Ward, Bed 3, is still in a deep coma,” she reported. “His status has not changed in six days. The primary cause was a ruptured artery when he was struck on the left side of his head. The resulting hematoma placed pressure on the brain, causing his coma. His pupils are dilated and do not react to light, indicating further damage. His prognosis is very poor.”
The medical terminology rolled unfamiliarly off her tongue. But her evaluation was precise and exact.
“Although the bleeding has stopped, full recovery seems next to impossible at this point. An attempt to Heal would probably cause death. I think that the man should be moved to hospice care. Messages should be sent to his loved ones, so that they can see him one last time.”
Aria nodded thoughtfully. Suddenly, she turned her gaze to hold Mirin’s. “Hope is never lost,” she said, firmly. “Go fetch Raldran Asha’man, child. We shall need his strength. And a few more.”
She rattled off a list of names. Mirin ran to find the sisters and brothers.
Soon, a group of Yellow sisters and brothers were crowded into the space by Bed 3. Mirin watched as they linked into a circle. Aria Sedai guided the flows, using all Five Powers, and wove an intricate Healing weave over the man. But Mirin’s prediction was correct. The man jerked, his spine arching off the bed, and then suddenly went limp.
The men and women looked at him with smooth, ageless expressions. One by one, they murmured their condolences to Aria Sedai, and left. When the Yellow sister stepped closer, Mirin caught her arm. For a moment, she forgot that she was speaking to an Aes Sedai.
“Why did you do that?” she demanded. Her hand trembled.
Aria gently removed Mirin’s hand. “Sometimes trying everything for a chance at life is better than death, child,” she said. But she had misread Mirin’s emotion. The young woman’s hand had trembled, not from sadness, but anger.
Mirin hissed, her grey eyes flashing like lightning. “His family could have had a chance to say goodbye,” she said. “He could have gone in peace. Not like this. Not like this!”
The Yellow sister’s face remained smooth, but her voice was harsh. “You will never gain the shawl if you cannot face death, child. And if you ever speak to me in that tone again, I will send you to the Mistress of Novices to strap you within an inch of your life! Now go! Don’t you have other patients to see?” She spun on her heel and stalked off.
Mirin clenched her jaw, swallowing her anger. She glanced back at the motionless body in Bed 3, and placed her hand over her heart, offering a prayer to the Creator. Then, she left. After all, she did have other patients to see.
The Second Day of Nesan – The girl who wouldn’t eat
The girl picked at her tray of food, and then pushed it away. Mirin sighed. Lisha’s body was skin and bones from slowly starving herself. Her family had brought her to the Grey Tower, hoping that the Healers could help her. But so far, the sisters and brothers had done nothing.
“One more bite,” she said.
Lisha shook her head. “I’m just not hungry,” she whispered. “My stomach will burst if I eat another bite.” Though her tone was weak and timid, she glared at Mirin challengingly, as though daring the Accepted to force food down her throat. Mirin wished that she could, but she knew that the girl would just sneak off and vomit it all back up.
She made a note in her notebook, and then stood. “I will see you tomorrow, Lisha,”
The girl did not reply. Mirin wanted to stomp down the hall, but she knew that Aria Sedai would not appreciate that attitude. Instead, she forced her face into a calm expression and glided off to find her mentor.
The veneer of calm evaporated as soon as she found the Yellow sister. “Is there anything that we can do to force Lisha to eat?” Mirin asked. Her frustration was obvious.
Aria was buried deep her own work. Her hand did not stop writing as she replied, “Child, what you are suggesting is coercion. That is strictly forbidden. You can beg, cajole, or entice a patient, but you can never force them to do anything. You must respect their autonomy.”
Mirin’s voice was bleak. “And so we just watch her die.”
Aria slammed her pen on the table. Splotches of ink splashed onto the desk. Her face was still calm – Aria always appeared calm – but as usual, her voice betrayed her. “Mirin, we never simply watch a patient die. We always do everything we can for them. Always.”
“But then why can’t we force her to eat?”
“That is forbidden, Mirin! Light, child, one more mention of forcing a patient to do anything and I will forbid you from working here. Is that clear?”
Mirin lowered her eyes. “Yes, Aes Sedai,” she replied, meekly. Still, a few hours later, as she passed by Lisha’s door, she stopped. It would be so easy, to embrace saidar and weave that dangerously alluring weave of Spirit. She could change a small part of Lisha’s will. To save her life.
No. Mirin valued her own life more than risking it all to save some fool girl who refused to eat. She steeled herself and continued on with her duties.
The Twentieth Day of Saban – The woman who couldn’t see
Anna was thirty-five years old and was the mother of seven children. She was a housewife and looked perpetually frazzled. She had come to the Grey Tower to seek Healing because she had noticed problems with her vision.
Mirin embraced saidar and Delved the woman’s body. But what she found confused her. The injury was not in her eyes – but in her mind. The weave shone, highlighting the problem clearly. There was a foreign growth in the woman’s mind. And it was not a neatly encapsulated tumor. Thin tendrils extended into microscopic recesses of the woman’s mind. It would be nearly impossible to remove it without accidentally injuring her brain.
Mirin’s throat went dry.
“What’s wrong?” the woman asked. Her eyes were wide and afraid.
“I think – I need speak to an Aes Sedai,” Mirin stuttered. She fled the room to find Aria Sedai.
She waited until the Yellow Sister gave her permission to speak, and then the words tumbled out. “There is a thirty-five year old woman in Room C who has a diffuse brain tumor that is pressing on the nerves of her eyes, affecting her vision,” she said. Somehow, the cold precision of the medical terminology seemed to hide her shock. She continued. “The patient has seven young children. What should we do for her, Aria Sedai?”
Aria straightened. “Ask if she would accept Healing, of course,” she said. The two women moved together back to the room where Anna waited.
Aria’s demeanor became warmer and more welcoming as she approached the woman, but she remained entirely calm and in control. “I am Aria Sedai,” she said. “Your problem requires Healing using the One Power. I can Heal you now, but I must warn you of two things. First, there is a risk of death. However, if I do not Heal this, it will become worse. There is no way to treat this with herbs or medicines. Please consider your choice carefully. Second, this will be strenuous on your body. Afterwards, you will feel very weak. You may stay here for a few days, and we will care for you. Do you have any questions?”
Mirin watched as the Yellow sister spoke kindly with the woman, carefully explaining the risks and the benefits of Healing. Aria was never so patient with her students. To Mirin’s utter shock, Anna refused treatment. Her mind spun. Did the woman not understand that this problem would become worse? She may eventually notice difficulties walking or talking. Or perhaps begin to suffer seizures. But Anna seemed to understand all of these risks.
“The Wheel weaves as the Wheel wills, and we are only the thread of the Pattern,” Anna said. Aria reached for her hand, and the two women sat together in an understanding silence for a few minutes.
After Anna left, Mirin turned to her mentor, bursting with questions.
“Our patients have the right to live how they wish,” Aria explained. “It is their life.”
“But her children –”
“I am certain that she knows the risks and will take measures to ensure they are well cared for.” Aria glanced casually at Mirin. “You do remember what I said about forcing patients, don’t you? You have worked hard these past few months. I would hate to lose your help, even if your Healing is mediocre at best.”
Mirin pressed her lips tightly together to stop herself from saying words she would regret.
Aria smiled thinly. “Good,” she said. “You’re learning. Do not worry, Mirin. Perhaps you will improve over time. Now get going! Master Jonston in Room E has been waiting.”
Mirin hurried away. As soon as she was sure that Aria Sedai could not see, she rolled her eyes. Perhaps the Aes Sedai meant to be kind, but the doubt in her voice showed her true thoughts. After working in the infirmary for over six months, Mirin knew that she had probably peaked in her ability to Heal. Well, at least she thinks I’m a hard worker, she thought sourly.
The Twenty-First Day of Saban – The man who killed his wife
The man had been found, holding a bloody knife, standing over his dead wife. They had lived in a small farming community. He had not resisted captivity; in fact, he refused to speak at all. His neighbors, instead of executing the man, had sent him to the Grey Tower for fear that he had been possessed by a demon. They did not want a vengeful ghost haunting their village.
Now, he sat quietly in a room, guarded by wards woven from the One Power. As a precaution, Mirin embraced saidar before she entered. The man did not look up.
“Why did you kill your wife?” she asked, gently.
The man showed no sign of hearing her. Mirin asked a few more questions. Each was answered with silence. She Delved his mind, and then examined his hearing. Everything seemed to be in place.
She frowned, nervously twisting her Great Serpent ring around her finger. Then, she stood and left the room to find Aria Sedai.
Mirin sighed as she flipped through her papers. “I wish there was a way to make him talk,” she said.
“I’ve told you this before, child. Compulsion is strictly forbidden,” Aria replied.
Mirin frowned. “He is a strong, healthy man,” she argued. “He could be a productive member of society! And what of his three children? They will be shunned and abandoned at an orphanage. If only we could –”
“Enough,” Aria said, sharply. “I have not said this before, Mirin, but I will now. Your interest in Compulsion concerns me.”
Mirin froze.
The Aes Sedai’s voice was cold. “I have seen this several times. A woman, or a man, becomes too interested in a forbidden topic. They become obsessed and turn away from the Light. And then they disappear. Do you understand what I mean, child?”
Mirin nodded numbly.
“Good.” The Yellow sister smiled ruthlessly. “Now, would you please tell me your new plan of treatment for this patient?”
The Eleventh Day of Choren – The boy who lost his mind
After working in the infirmary for nearly a year, Mirin had enough experience to realize something was wrong soon after she met the boy.
At first glance, he looked perfectly normal. But as Mirin questioned him, she sensed a subtle flatness to his answers. It didn’t seem as though he were mentally slow – no, his replies were smooth and confident, and he spoke with the expected vocabulary for his fifteen years.
But he had none of that spark of life that most young men had. He did not attempt to flirt with Mirin even once. He was too solemn, too grim, too…boring. As though he had no interests, no desires, nothing to define him as a person.
Mirin settled the weave for Delving over the boy’s mind. Then she gasped, nearly losing her grasp on saidar. She saw silvery threads of Spirit, Water, and Air woven in an intricate web. Some of the threads ended in hooks, sinking deeply into the grooves of the boy’s brain.
Conflicting emotions of excitement and fear filled her. This had been what she hoped to learn. In her months working in the infirmary, Mirin had made sure to at least glance in on every patient rumored to have a mental disorder. She had hardly dared to imagine that she would one day see Compulsion. And yet, finally, here it was.
Mirin sat in silence, examining the weave. It was crudely woven, with several redundancies and unnecessary twists. But the deep, jagged hooks into the boy’s frontal lobe told her that the weave had completely replaced the boy’s personality. Many of his memories had been affected as well. If this weave were to be removed, it would kill him.
She nearly gagged. Who would dare do this? she thought, frightened. Perhaps the Black Ajah…
Mirin shivered, and then jumped to her feet when she saw that the sun had moved further than she expected. Oh no! She had spent far too long with this patient. The young Accepted spun toward the door – and gasped.
Aria Sedai was standing at the door, quietly watching her. Her eyes seemed to pierce Mirin’s soul. How long had the Aes Sedai been there? This time her shock was enough to make her lose saidar, and the sweetness of the One Power drained away. Mirin broke out in cold sweat.
“Tell me what you saw,” the Yellow sister said.
“I don’t know, Aria Sedai. It is so strange. I’ve never seen it before. It is such an intricate weave and seems to be hooked into his mind-” Mirin babbled.
Aria’s face hardened. “Tell me the truth, girl,” she commanded.
Mirin trembled. “I promise you that I don’t know anything about it, Aria Sedai.”
The Yellow sister tapped her lip thoughtfully, and then said, “I’ve heard that forming the reverse of the weave can remove Compulsion.”
Mirin paled. “It will kill him,” she whispered.
Aria’s eyebrows climbed. “Don’t you remember what I told you, child?”
Mirin remembered. “Sometimes trying everything for a chance at life is better than death,” she murmured.
A glint of satisfaction touched Aria’s eyes. The Yellow sister continued, “We won’t know until we try. Do it.”
“What?”
“This is your chance, child. Try to remove the Compulsion. Form the reverse of the weave, and the layers will disappear.”
From the tone of her voice, Aria clearly did not expect Mirin to succeed. Perhaps she hoped that failing would destroy any further mention of Compulsion by her student. Mirin hastily closed her mouth, which had dropped open from astonishment. She had to obey the Aes Sedai. She turned to the boy, embraced saidar, and began to weave, placing Spirit, Air, and Water in the exact reverse of the Compulsion. She could feel Aria Sedai watching over her shoulder.
At first, she wove slowly, but as the work progressed, she became absorbed in the weaves. She forgot the keen eyes of the Yellow sister, which widened in surprise and then narrowed in suspicion. Mirin wove faster and faster, the threads nearly blurring with incredible speed. She only had to glance at each layer once to imitate it in reverse. The weave was strange, and yet familiar. One by one, the layers melted away and disappeared.
Despite her speed, the weaves were complex. Over an hour passed. Finally it was done. The boy’s mind was freed – but severely damaged. He would soon die.
Mirin released saidar and sighed. Perhaps undoing the Compulsion was the right thing to do; but she did not feel any satisfaction in her work. Suddenly, she remembered the Yellow sister’s presence and froze. Aria’s eyes were hard and calculating, so cold that they made ice seem warm. Mirin’s heart sank.
She had committed a grave mistake. Nothing she could say now could save her. The proof was in the boy sitting in front of them, staring emptily ahead, a thin strand of drool leaking from the corner of his mouth.
They stared at each other for several long minutes. Finally, Aria spoke. “I wondered what you were doing here in the infirmary, child. Despite your strength in the Power, your ability to Heal has remained mediocre. Delving is all very useful, but a Yellow needs to be able to Heal. And it is not enough to just possess the ability, but she must also have a desire to Heal. You have neither.”
Mirin winced at the jibe. The words stung, despite their truth. Aria continued. “But I see now that you have a Talent. A very unusual Talent. The question becomes: What should I do with you?”
Oh Light, no! Mirin felt bile rise up her throat and clutched at her stomach. She wanted to throw herself at the Aes Sedai’s feet and beg for her life, but her legs refused to move. Light illumine my soul, please save me! Her mouth opened and closed several times, but no sound came out.
Aria continued to watch her with that cold, petrifying gaze. “The weave for Compulsion is forbidden, child. But I do not doubt that most channelers could learn it, if given the chance. You are no different in that regard. It would be unfair to treat you differently simply because you have an innate affinity for this weave.”
Despite herself, Mirin let out a gasp. She sagged with relief, but it did not last long.
The Yellow sister clasped her hands together. “I have made my decision,” she declared. “I will begin a project exploring therapy for patients with mental illnesses. Mirin, you will join me in exploring this new frontier in Healing. I will expect you to bring potential patients to my attention, interview each person in my presence, and take detailed notes. Perhaps we may even publish a book. This project is to stay strictly confidential. Of course, as your mentor, I will be the leader of this project. You will not work without my explicit approval. Do you understand me?”
Mirin gritted her teeth. The implication was clear. Aria Sedai would gain all the credit for any discoveries, while Mirin did the actual work. It was pure exploitation, but she had no choice. The alternative was a fate worse than death.
Yet, as Mirin bowed her head and curtsied, she felt relief and joy swelling in her heart. She followed Aria out the door, allowing herself a smile. Against all odds, she had finally found a way to safely explore her Talent in Compulsion. She had been at the bottom of the list; now, she was within reach of her dreams. Was this luck? No, not luck, Mirin thought.
I got here through careful planning and hard work. I studied until my eyes blurred from lack of sleep. I worked hard to make up for my faults. I endured the drudgery of hard labor, the impatience of my teachers. I was at the bottom of the list. But now…
She looked at Aria’s exposed back, and her smile widened. With a little more work, she would master her Talent, test for the shawl, and gain everything that she dreamed. With a little more time, she would rid herself of this woman who knew her dangerous secret. She could almost taste the sweetness of victory.
And then, of course, everything fell apart.
