Fanfic:Talking to herself

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Talking to herself
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Talking to herself

Amadie stood at a window, high in the Grey Tower. Before her she could see the city of Hama Valon, glowing like a jewel in the midsummer sun. The last time she had been in the city, she ahd been a free woman; now her white gown seemed to hang on her with the weight of a thousand ships.

She had come to the Tower, signed the book, and donned the dress of her own free will. She had watched them burn her belongings -what little she had been fool enough to bring with her- without a word, and had accepted that privacy was a privilege she would not enjoy for many years to come. She had learned to channel -and Light, what an experience that was!- and upon learning she would never be more than average strength, she had simply nodded agreement.

What she could not accept, even now, months after her arrival, was her lack of companionship. Younger novices bored her. Older novices had already formed their own inner circles and were not interested in allowing her in. So she drifted, like a leaf on a still lake, and tried not to let loneliness and boredom consumed her.

Today, she had served the Sitters of the Grey and Blue Ajah as they drank tea and talked in obvious code about the political events outside the walls of the Tower. Afterwards they had given her a biscuit and dismissed her. She had curtsied, hiding her damaged pride, and departed- only to find this patch of sunlight right outside their door, and the city that surrounded the Grey Tower taunting her with its freedom.

"I wanted to come here," she reminded herself sharply. She didn't realize she had spoken aloud -or that she had company- until she heard the muffled laugh in response to her statement. She whirled, and found another novice, this one younger than she, with glorious red hair and a slender body. To Amadie's surprise, she had never seen her before. A newcomer?

"I am Amadie Laine, late of Arad Doman," she said, as if the stranger hadn't just heard her talking to herself like a crazy person. "And who might you be?"

a change of scenery

There had been a few raisings over the past week, with the Final Battle looming the Aes Sedai seem to be itching to raise just about anyone. Carra had barely been in the novice whites before she was informed to pack up her things and move them to another room. It would seem that she would be the one moving instead of being joined by another. Carra mused that it was perhaps it was because she was new and not yet settled? There were many reasons, likely and to her a room was a room. It had a bed, a dresser, a desk and creaky floors. Some had windows and some did not. Carra didn’t particularly care one way or the other so long as the room was dry and the wind didn’t whistle too loudly through the cracks in the window pane. Well, she felt that she should start being picky of at least something.

Starting first with a large pile of neatly folded dresses -of course they are neatly folded! How else would the be?- Carra looked again at the instructions to her new room and moved through the hallways with relative ease. She moved out of other novice’s ways, and only one Aes Sedai which she gave an awkward curtsy to, and was able to locate the room in a short time. ’No stairs! That’s a good thing.’ she thought, before she caught the voice inside.

"I wanted to come here.." The tone was strange to her, and somewhat unexpected. She chuckled a little into the pile of dresses in her arms before setting them down on the unoccupied table. Being careful not to knock over the inkwell in the corner. “Carraidhin Glaisne. Carra, please.” She passed her the note that Carra had received earlier that morning with the Mistress of Novice’s scrawl of what she was to do. “Looks like we’ll be sharing a room until one of us moves up or out.” She gave a bit of a shrug. “I have a few books that I need to get if you are interested in helping. I don’t mind if you don’t.” ’Not many do.’ she thought, bitterly. All the other Novices seemed far to caught up in their own little woe or world to bother opening up to someone new. Not that it helps that Carra didn’t know the first thing on how to connect with them. She was the orphan of a whore. What did she care about cloths, boys or what she said. Okay, maybe a little about what ‘she said, he said’. Secrets and rumors were always interesting so long as they didn’t involve her.

Carra looked over the other girl, clearly she was older than her, but it was hard to tell by how much. At best guess she was.. Domani? The way she stood and held herself spoke of the personalities from the south western shores. It was a guess but Carra couldn’t be sure. The other novice said she was from Arad Doman, but Carra never took that at face value. She was from Carihien, grew up in Tar Valon -of all places- and lived in Andor and now here. Maybe there was a mix? Carra lost interest in the speculation.

“I’m just a few hallways from here, no stairs. But, only if you want to. Amadie.” Pretty name, Carra wondered what she liked. The name didn’t ring a bell so not many rumors of her that Carra had heard of yet. But then she was pretty new, and the Grey Tower a great deal older than herself.

I'm not crazy, I swear

Amadie blinked at the note this Carra handed her, looking without seeing as she tried to pull her mind away from her reverie and focus on what the other novice was saying. She wanted help, moving books? Moving books here. To Amadie's room.

What happened to Gladise? She thought, in an oddly detached manner. Gladise had been there that morning. She was no where near ready to be raised. Had she been turned from the Tower? Hard to imagine that sulky child as an Aes Sedai, anyway. Amadie supposed she would find out soon enough- either the girl would be wearing a banded hem on the morrow, or she wouldn't be there at all.

"Books, you say? And no stairs." Her new roommate would surely think her mad by this point. She shook herself. "Certainly I will help you, Carra," she said kindly. Now that she had had a second to think, she was fairly certain she had seen the other novice at least once before.

She followed the girl out, and once they were a few paces down the hall, she asked "Where are you from? What brought you here?" Carra was clearly much younger than she, but she seemed to have a head on her shoulders, unlike the other girls. Perhaps living with her wouldn't be such a terrible thing.

not a b, but finding an itch

"Thanks. I'm just this way, then." She walked out of the room and started heading south down the corridor to where it branches to other corridors and rooms.

Carra gave her a look that she would likely regret later. "Really? Why else would I be here. I can channel." It was so matter of fact that it left little else to the imagination. Why else would she be here? To clean dirty pots?

"I guess you could say I am from Tar Valon, but I was born in Cairhien. Spent a little time traveling and in Andor. Not a lot of traveling, mind. I was heading to Arad Doman when I got detoured here. Not that I'm complaining. The food's better then I've had in a very long time and the bed doesn't have bugs." Giving the other girl a side glance, "have you been here long? My old roommate was here for at least 15 years. She complained about it quite a bit but she was raised to Accepted last week. Does it really take that long??" She sounded a little aghast, but overall her personality seemed to lack a certain enthusiasm as other novices. Carra wasn't all that expressive when in new environments. Especially around new people.

Chantilly lace and a pretty face

Jaryd strolled through the corridors of the Learning Ranks, whistling loudly, his hands thrust deep in his pockets. His stride was the most insolent he could muster; he was annoyed and feeling rebellious, and didn't care who knew it. Even without the posture, his coal black eyes and expressive face were alive with emotion- aggravation, despair, and, as always, a touch of mischief. Even as he pondered his annoyance, he caught a glimpse of white skirts ahead, and his lips curled up into a broad grin.

It had been far too long since he had spoken to a woman outside of classes. The last time, Landrin had caught him flirting with a drin'far'ji in the stables and Jaryd hadn't been able to sit without wincing for a week. Since then, he had kept his distance. Now, however....

He stopped whistling and quickened his stride, the cat-like grace of a lifetime in the streets of Ebou Dar doing him well as he crept up on the two women ahead of him. He knew them -or at least of them. Carraidhin and Amadie were relatively new to the Tower, but both had already turned heads among the male learning ranks. And, he supposed, probably among the female as well. He had a feeling that they probably knew of him, as well, but...perhaps not. And perhaps they wouldn't care.

He slowed his step and listened. "have you been here long?" Carra was saying. "My old roommate was here for at least 15 years. She complained about it quite a bit but she was raised to Accepted last week. Does it really take that long?" She seemed surprised and aghast.

Jaryd couldn't help but laugh. The two girls spun on their heels to stare at him, the darker girl putting her hands on her hips like an old mother, rather than the slip of a girl she was. He just shook his head, and after a moment more, let his laughter die away. "Yes, it really takes that long, my lady novice Carraidhin," he said, with an almost mocking bow. "I have been a soldier for nigh on twelve years, and I suspect I may remain so for another 12, if I don't mend my troublesome ways."

"You are Jaryd Kosari," Amadie stated. It wasn't a question, and Jaryd's eyebrows went up in response, his eyes sweeping her from the ground up unabashedly, to land on her face. When he reached her face, she met his gaze without blinking.

"Indeed," he acknowledged, "And I'm sure you've heard all sorts of dreadful things about me, haven't you?" She snorted, but her eyes slid away from his and color rose in cheeks nearly the same color as his own.

He turned to Carra, and without hesitation launched into the most absurd speech he had ever voiced in his life. "I may seem a trickster on the outside, and the novices do like to talk about me after lights out, but I truly have a heart of pure gold, that languishes most terribly without company. If you would grant me the honor of your company for a little while, I will prove it. Do you have errands to run? Chores to do? I would happily assist."

Sometimes, even he wasn't entirely sure why he did the things he did. If she didn't slap him, he would consider it a victory.

not as clever as you think you are

Carra simply watched the exchange between the trainee, or Ji-something or other, and her new roommate. The surprise that he knew her name, her full name no less, didn't show on her face but it was a little off putting. How did he know? She wasn't that special as far as she was aware. Just new.

But when he addressed her, Carra took care to blink and stare into his dark eyes without a smile. "Jaryd Kosari. No, I don't think I have," The lie was ridiculously easy. A nice bruise to his ego, "..so I don't think you escorting us would be of any particular special honor. However there are books that are stacked in the novice room 138 that we would require. It would be most helpful."

It wasn't her room that she rattled off. Truthfully her room was in the opposite direction. However the two Novices in 138 spoke rather highly of Jaryd and would likely enjoy his company more than her. Not that she could speak for Amadie.

--

Amadie's lips twitched at the exchange between Carra and Jaryd. Even she had found herself a little tongue tied the first time she had encountered that man, though she thought she had redeemed herself since then by being suitably distant and cool when he spoke to her. To see a newcomer send him lacking without a second glance was oddly refreshing.

Jaryd gave Carra a look at the room number that Amadie filed away for later consideration. What had that meant? But he sketched them both a comical bow and set off. "That wasn't your old room, was it?" Amadie asked. As Carra shook her head, it occurred to the Domani woman that Jaryd had not asked where to bring the books.

He wasn't fooled, she thought, surprised that he hasn't called Carra on her lie. She looked after the soldier for a moment, then turned to follow the other novice down the hall.

They reached Carra's actual former room a few moments later; Carra ducked in to get her books, and Amadie leaned against the wall outside. At an intersection of corridors a ways away, she saw a man in black cross; it might have been Jaryd, but at that distance she wasn't certain.

A moment later, Carra returned, and they set off back to what was now their shared quarters. "What does the rest of your day look like?" Amadie asked. "I have to report to the kitchens in a bell, but until then, I'm free, and I'd like to get to know you a little better. Would you be interested in some tea, somewhere out of sight of the Aes Sedai?"

challenge accepted

Carra merely raised an eyebrow at Jaryd's flourished bow and shook her head as he left in the direction of the room. "No, it wasn't my old room. He's a rather sly one, isn't he. Pity." Carra thought aloud a little with an almost curious tone in her voice. She had met boys like him before in the streets. While this one clearly smelled better thanks to the readily available baths, the personality was no different.

'I will have to be careful of that one.' Carra thought to herself as she then directed Amadie the other way. The collection of books were fairly painless, and she handed off a few of the lighter tomes to Amadie and taking the brunt on her own. At least now it would only be a single trip instead of the two she thought she would have to make.

"Pigeons for me, but nothing between now and then. I think I have a class after that, although I don't know why they have us cleaning pigeon poop and then running to class a hundred stories away without giving us time for a bath. Maybe it's incentive to clean faster, or run harder. I'm not sure."

It was the comment of finding a place out of sight of the Aes Sedai that perked Carra's interest more. She did mentally note the black clothes in the distance, but as there was more than one Soldier she kept it more in the back of her mind. Not that Carra wouldn't mind being tailed. She hadn't had to rip a boy apart yet and she sorely missed doing so. "Until then, where do you have in mind? I'm not much of a tea drinker, but I guess I haven't had much experience with tea that doesn't taste like flavored water." There was a bit of a scowl at the thought.

Little black mockingbird

Amadie eyed her potential new friend sideways from beneath lowered eyelashes. "To be honest," she admitted, "I wasn't entirely sure where to get tea at this time of day, let alone how to get it without....questions being asked." She chuckled softly. "However, if you don't mind being out of doors, there is a spot in the garden near the old wall that is usually unoccupied."

She paused. "It is rather a long walk," she added. Carra shrugged indifference, so Amadie led the way to the outer door of the novice dorms. The gardens lay as close to the opposite side of the Tower Grounds as they could go; after a moment of indecision, she decided it would be more pleasant to walk around the Tower, rather than through it, and took a walkway leading north around the great structure’s bulk as soon as she could.

They talked of small things as they walked – breakfast that morning, the curious cloud to the north, their impressions of a few people they had both run into. Amadie felt more relaxed than she had in a while- but as they turned a sharp curve, she thought she caught a glimpse of black behind them again.

"You would think," she said in the most deadpan voice she could manage, "that a man who is almost twice our age would have something better to do than follow us." Her lips twitched into a slight smirk. "I think our curious friend needs a lesson in manners."

I spy with my little eye

Carra just gave a shrug. Having tea for a sit down and relaxing moment did not seem important enough so instead she just followed Amadie to the gardens.

The walk was lovely, but Carra didn't dismiss the feeling of being followed. So it would seem that their little friend wasn't going to let go easier. Carra wasn't surprised. Her and Amadie officially became a challenge to the boy and boys had a hard time letting go of a challenge. Sometimes it was all about the conquest for them, which in Carra's opinion made them weaker. At least willfully weaker.

Given that he stayed far enough away to not be obvious, but close enough for them to still know he was there Carra concluded that he wasn't unintelligent. He wanted them to know. He wanted a reaction. Carra debated whether she wanted to give him the satisfaction or not.

She gave a shake of her head as Amadie, "We could if we want him to continually be interested in us. Something that is likely too late for. I am open to ideas, if you have anything to suggest. I'm less creative with ideas of what to do, but my execution is fairly flawless."

Hide and Seek

Amadie tilted her head to the side. "Yes, I suppose that does match with what I know of that man," she said thoughtfully, "although if we don't do something, we're liable to end up in the fountain, if he thinks it would be funny to put us there. Give me a moment."

As she thought, they turned a corner and passed through a wide arch of greenery and into the wonderous bounty of the Tower Garden. She smiled. Although she had grown up in the city, the beauty of nature usually put her at ease far more readily than any street or corridor.

For a moment, the path behind was hidden from view. Having a sudden thought, she grabbed Carra's arm and pulled her off the path to the side, half-running to a well-trimmed but thick shrub that grew nearby. She crouched down behind it, and after a moment, Carra joined her.

"Nothing frustrates someone looking for trouble more than having their quarry disappear on them," she whispered, "and if he's unprepared and looking the other direction, perhaps we could...suitably embarrass him....for following us." The thought of pushing Jaryd into the fountain was weirdly compelling; Amadie shied away from thinking about why, but flashing black eyes and a toothy grin mocked her efforts.

A few moments later, Jaryd sauntered through the arch, hands still in his pockets, but his feet moving silent as a shadow on the gravel path. How does he do that? He walked right past them, and it wasn't until he reached the first line of delicately blooming trees that he slowed, looking around with some confusion.

Game, Set, Match

Carra was a little surprised by Amadie's reaction. She did not know the girl well but she seemed far more level-headed then most other Novices she had the 'pleasure' of meeting. As she was pulled to the side, it was simple for her to revert into her, stalking mode. It was simple to step light, and still she resisted the urge to hush at Amadie for whispering. But then Carra remembered that there was no way for Amadie to know of the basic hand gestures of a small gang of Andoran children.

"..and if he's unprepared and looking the other direction, perhaps we could...suitably embarrass him....for following us." Carra gave the other girl a nod and waited with her for Jaryd to come close enough to do what ever Amadie wanted to do to him.

As he came by, Carra stood by and watched. Whatever it was Amadie had in mind Carra didn't feel like she shoul dbe part of it. Lik ethere was some kind of rivalry in between the two. Not to mention the look she saw in Amadie's eyes. She had seen that look before and Carra couldn't bring herself to interfere. Besides, actions had consequences as much as inaction. Whatever would happen...

Amadie rushed out of the bush and tried her best to tackle Jaryd and what looked like trying to push him into the fountain just opposite her. From appearances it looked to Carra that Amadie misjudged Jaryd's strength and with a quick swoop of his arms he just dumped her into the fountain with a laugh.

Jaryd just laughed and laughed as Amadie sputtered water. Calmly Carra just walked over to the fountain, past Jaryd without any worry of a secondary push from him to help Amadie out. Once she had hold of her drenched friend, Carra's eyes turned to Jaryd and without a single expression just stared. Daring him to laugh more.

Carra's look was hard, unforgiving and weighed heavily with judgment. She dared him to challenge and dared him to say anything at all. She judged harshly, and in the moment there was almost hate in her eyes. She did not hate him, not exactly, just what actions he had enticed in her friend.

"Come, Amadie. Let's get you dry." And without a last look ad Jaryd, she started to lead Amadie back their quarters.

Shame is a Lady's Weapon

Jaryd waited until the novices were out of sight around the corner, and began to follow them. If they were willing to embarass him by sending him to the wrong room, they had to be up to some kind of mischief. Why else would they want to get rid of him so quickly?

He follows them through the halls, out of the learning ranks quarters, and on, until it was clear they were headed for the Gardens. Perhaps they were pillow friends seeking some privacy...and perhaps not. He watched them carefully- neither seemed to have noticed him, but he kept his distance nonetheless.

When he rounded the corner into the Gardens, he found to his surprise that they had vanished. Perhaps they had been further ahead than he expected? He quickened his stride until he stood at the edge of the river that ran through the Gardens, looking each way curiously. It had been a long time since he'd lost chosen quarry- but then, gardens were slightly different than the streets of the Rahad.

The crunch of gravel was all the warning he had; suddenly a slender form in white barreled against him, shoving with all her might. His feet shifted automatically, his hands found a grip, and the girl went flying, to land in the water with a satisfying splash.

"What were you thinking?" He asked Amadie, as the normally coolly distant Domani girl spluttered at him. "WHY?" He couldn't help but laugh at her bedraggled appearance -Light, she looked like a drowned rat!- though a tug of guilt in his heart told him he had just behaved terribly.

The look Carra gave him as she walked past him to help Amadie out of the pool cut the laughter short. The unforgiving steel in those green eyes cut him to his soul. But she pushed me first, he thought briefly, then dismissed it- he was older than she, had been around the Tower longer than she...he had no good excuse at all.

"Come Amadie, let's get you dry," the newer novice said, leading Amadie away. Jaryd stared after them, the mixed up chaos of thoughts in his brain preventing him from doing anything but standing there.

"I am sorry," he said softly, but there was no way the girls could hear him over the running water, and they never looked back as they walked away. Gathering his pride around him like a tattered coat, the soldier moved in the opposite direction, trying to come to terms with his shame.

And Humiliation the Clearest Form of Torture

Amadie glared at Jaryd, humiliated beyond all belief. She couldn't really remember rushing him, only that she had done so, and then she had flown, ever so briefly, as she had in her dream the other night. Then- water.

Jaryd's laughter cut short when Carra walked past him, though Amadie didn't see what passed between them. When she looked up again, she saw shame lurking behind those dark eyes. Good, she thought grumpily.

What would Carra think of her? What would the other novices think, when she returned to the halls soaking wet? Biting her lip to keep from crying, the Domani novice hurried away, eyes fixed on the ground. Someday....someday she would get that silly boy back.

Someday.