Fanfic:Shedding the Skin of the Past

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Shedding the Skin of the Past
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Torianin did not remember the trek to these large, double doors. As soon as she had learned that she would be tested to become Accepted, it seemed that her mind froze. She focused on following Mirin Sedai and nothing more. She kept her back erect and her hands in front of her, her vision completely focused on the blue shawl in front of her. Now she was at the entrance of her future, and she snatched control back. She would need to learn how to do that faster, if she would become Aes Sedai. The dark-haired Aes Sedai in front of her pushed the door open, and Torianin stepped inside, her pure white dress moving with her. She had finally shed the vestiges of her gray damane self, and was now ready to move forward, she felt.

In the middle of the domed room was a strange structure. Three silver arches sat in the middle of the room, all connected to each other. Aes Sedai were scattered around, and the ones sitting in front of the arches seemed to be activating it. That. That was her destination, then. Those three arches. She heard the door close behind her, and she stood even straighter. She kept herself calm, somehow. Mirin moved to stand next to her, looking at the arches along with her.

"I will tell you two things which no woman hears until they stand where you do now," Mirin Sedai said. Torianin nodded, ready to listen. "Once you begin, you must go on till the end. Refuse at any time there after, and you will be put out of the Tower as if you had refused to begin for the third time. Second. To seek, to strive, is to know danger." Torianin had faced danger before coming here, and if her mentor felt that she was ready to face it again, then she knew that she was. She held on to that thought as she continued.

"Some women have entered, and never come out again. Even when the ter'angreal was allowed to grow quiet, they were not there. And they were never seen again. If you will survive, you must be steadfast. Falter, fail, and..." She did not have to finish. Torianin had found the want for justice, but for herself. She would not falter. She had fought to find that desire, and she would fight until she found the justice that that want called for. "This is your last chance. Refuse now and it only counts as the first refusal. You may still try twice more. If you accept now, there is no turning back. It is no shame to refuse. Many Aes Sedai could not face the Arches the first time. Choose."

Immediately, the damane in the back of Torianin's mind told her to say no. "Ri" told her to refuse, then go back to the room and read for the rest of the night. There would be other chances, but Torianin knew better. If she refused, that would simply give her time to stew, to feel like a failure without even trying. If she failed this, then she would fail, but she would never know unless she tried. "I accept," she said confidently.

"Then ready yourself." Mirin nodded, and it took Torianin a moment to realize that she would need to enter without the covering of her clothes. She slipped out of her dress. She folded it and set it to the side. She took off her small clothes and her shoes as well. She had been meaning to speak with the seamstresses. She needed her dress altered. Well, she would be gaining a new dress after this, if she passed. Perhaps Mirin Sedai would see that her dress was too large now and ask for a smaller one.

Torianin followed Mirin Sedai, and she could feel her hair brush against her lower back. It was beginning to straighten out, and she liked the effect. She had changed, and she was ready to change more.

The Aes Sedai that met them at the arches asked, "Whom do you bring with you, Sister?"

"One who comes as a candidate for Acceptance, Sister."

"Is she ready?"

"She is ready to leave behind what she was, and passing through her fears, gain Acceptance."

"Does she know her fears?"

"She has never faced them, but now is willing."

"Then let her face what she fears." The Aes Sedai stepped aside.

She and Mirin Sedai stepped to the First Arch, and the Mistress of Novices looked at Torianin. "The first time is for what was. The way back will come but once. Be steadfast." Though Torianin did not voice anything for the Aes Sedai to hear, there was the silent acknowledgement between her and her mentor that this would likely be the hardest of the three, if the others were for what is and what will be. Still, Torianin stepped forward and into the First Arch…


Ri jerked awake at the vicious tug of the collar by the bracelet. "Don't be so lazy! Get up now!" commanded her sul'dam. Fear filled her heart, and she darted out of the bed. Hurriedly, she threw her gray dress on and tried to comb her hair, all the way repeated apologies, keeping a constant state of fear. Her sul'dam was not happy, and she knew that it would be her that was to be found at fault for her mood. Lumanin tugged on the a'dam again when she began to comb her hair. "Your hair will stay the way it is! You will move now, or I will make sure that you do not move again for while!" Ri nodded, placing the comb where she had found it, and she trailed after her sul'dam.

She walked, matching paces with the other red-haired woman in front of her. There was a time that she had thought they looked alike, but that was before they were damane and sul'dam. There was a time that they had been sisters, but they were that no longer. Lumanin had made sure that everyone was aware that any familial connection between them had long been severed. Ri and Lumanin were a dynamic pair, because Ri obeyed Lumanin absolutely. But that fear translated to hesitation with other sul'dam, and Lumanin was displeased with that.

This was made plain when her sul'dam stopped in front of the der'sul'dam and handed her damane over. She wanted to see why it was that Ri hesitated so much with her fellow sul'dam. The der'sul'dam gave her simple commands. Make this rock explode. Make a ball of fire. Send it into that plant. Catch that bird. Over and over, Ri obeyed. The der'sul'dam handed the a'dam back to Lumanin and walked away, satisfied that Ri was a good damane. She even patted her hair before departing. Ri trembled when Lumanin placed the bracelet back on. "You show hesitation to obey with the others, but when the der'sul'dam has the a'dam, you obey. You just want to drive a rift between me and the others, don't you?!" the sul'dam roared. Ri yelped when she felt a whip slash across her face.

"No, no! Ri just wants to—"

"You just want to humiliate me!"

Another whip hit her across her hips. "Ri is sorry, please believe her! She just wants you to—"

"You just want to remind me of who you are!"

Ri fell to her knees as a hail of invisible whips fell upon her, all over. She began to breathe heavily in the pause between punishments. Lumanin's angry gaze had turned to a cold one as she looked at her damane. Ri saw something strange behind her. When did that silver arch appear there? It reminded her of something that someone must have said to her in the past. The way back will come but once. Be steadfast. She blinked. Why was this arch so important? She could not recall why, but it seemed more important than even this scene. Something was calling to her.

"Do you want another session?" Lumanin asked coolly, referencing time spent alone with the sul'dam where there was nothing but punishment. A part of her was frightened, but another part of her was distracted by this arch. The way back will come but once. Be steadfast.

Suddenly, Ri remembered Torianin. She knew that this was the cause of more punishments now befalling her body, but she didn't care. That arch was right there, and Lumanin's cries and roars seemed far away. She stood up, jerkily, as the punishments still hurt, but this pain was commonplace now. She had to be steadfast.

Taking a breath, she held up both hands and pushed her twin to the side, ignoring the pain. She would care about it later. The lighter Lumanin was flung away, and Torianin caught the chain on the a'dam, not caring about the lurching in her stomach. She had to go through that arch, somehow, and she could not do that on the ground. Once she was sure that the sul'dam was out of the way, and that she herself was still standing, Torianin walked through the archway.


Light surrounded her, and Torianin remembered what this was, what the arch was for, and relief washed over her so much that she began to shake. Cold water was poured over her head, and her hands hovered over her neck. She was so happy that the collar was gone, and gone forever, that tears began to flow. The Aes Sedai began to speak. "You are washed clean of what sin you have done, and of those done against you. You are washed clean of what crime you may have committed, and of those committed against you. You come to us washed clean and pure, in heart and soul." She knew Mirin Sedai was there with her, however, and she remembered herself, collecting herself. Once she was breathing evenly, she realized that Mirin Sedai had walked her to the Second Arch.

"The Second Arch is for what is. The way back will come but once. Be steadfast."

Knowing that she would never be damane again, physically, or even in her mind, Torianin straightened her back and walked through the Second Arch.


Torianin wasn't sure what was being said, but she recognized the change in tone of voice, and her heart sank. She looked up at her instructor, a patient Accepted that she had grown to trust and go to for guidance. Her tone had grown cold just now, and she was confused. "What was that Accepted?" she asked, wondering what it was that had happened. She hoped that she could help in some way.

"I said," began the thin young woman, her arms crossed under her breast now. "There's no use in teaching you anymore. You obviously don't understand this weave." Torianin blinked and stared at her in disbelief. "Novice," she said, not even bothering to use her name, "what weave is this that we are learning?" she asked in a mock-patient voice.

"Delving," she answered after half a second of thinking. How could she have forgotten that?

"And what does Delving do?" Torianin took issue with the condescending voice in her voice.

"It is a weave sent inside someone to—"

The Accepted held up a hand in impatience. She refused to make eye contact with Torianin, and just shook her head. "I really think the Grey Tower should rethink taking in anyone who wishes to enroll with any strength at all. You are strong, Torianin, this is true, but I don't think you'll ever grow to understand what it is we strive to teach here."

Torianin sat stunned and dumbstruck as the Accepted stood up and left the private classroom. She felt on the verge of tears, but out of frustration and anger, rather than sadness. She stood up suddenly and walked with purpose to the office of the Mistress of Novices. The gray-haired Aes Sedai sat behind her desk, her Yellow shawl draped across her chair. "What is it, child? Why do you barge in here without so much as a knock?" she asked.

"Accepted Ketlyn is—" "Accepted Ketlyn is what?" Neria Sedai asked, cutting her off. It made her madder.

Collecting herself, Torianin began again. "I believe I would benefit from another teacher."

Neria Sedai sat and stared at her. "Do you know how many teachers you have exhausted with your stubborn refusal to learn, child?" Icy fear penetrated Torianin's breast. "Likely more than you are thinking." That didn't make any sense. What was she talking about? Hadn't she been advancing? "So many, in fact, that it's been recommended that I put you out of the Tower."

"What?" fear and dread washed over her as the Mistress of Novices rummaged around, trying to find something. "No, please!" she said, putting her hands on the table, trying to get her attention. Neria Sedai's cold eyes pierced her, and she knew that she was immoveable, but she would not give up. "Tell me what it is that I'm lacking! I will change."

"I'm afraid your teachers have told you this already, and many times before. You will be put out of the Tower, and…child, please. This is hard enough already."

But, Torianin was not listening anymore. There was something behind the chair of the Aes Sedai. A silver arch. She furrowed her brow and stared at it. Neria Sedai turned around and looked behind her. "Light, child. Have you lost what little sense you had? What are you looking at?"

As she gazed at the arch, words filled her mind. The way back will come but once. Be steadfast. This voice was just as cold as Neria's voice, but she couldn't place it. Either way, this arch was something new to her. It was strange, wondrous, just for her. It was…important. "Child, I did not give you permission to walk behind my desk."

Torianin knew what would come next, so she hurried. She darted further as Neria Sedai embraced Saidar and began to send strong flows of Air after her to detain her. Flinging herself through the arch, she nearly stumbled, but caught herself and barreled through the silver arch.


Torianin stopped when she felt cold stone beneath her feet and realized where she was. She had finished the Second Arch, and in front of her was a trusted mentor who believed in her so much that she was entrusting her to finish this test. The anger she felt against the false Mistress of Novice was still fresh, and she wanted to finish in spite of her as well as to please Mirin Sedai. She told herself that Neria Sedai was not a part of this world, not a part of her. Water was doused over her head again.

"You are washed clean of false pride," a cool Aes Sedai voice said. "You are washed clean of false ambition. You come to us washed clean, in heart and soul."

Mirin Sedai took her arm and walked her to the Third Arch. When she stopped, she looked up at Torianin and smiled gently. "There is but one left, child. Come back to us." Pride filled Torianin's chest, and she nodded that she would. "The third time is for what will be. The way back will come but once. Be steadfast."

With one last arch to traverse, Torianin entered the glowing light and into another place.


Torianin stood stoically, overlooking a scene of destruction. She had been called here to stand guard in case of a Trolloc raid, but she had apparently arrived too late. The village was in smoke, and what were once screams of fear were now sobs of despair, and there were not many of them. Walking forward, she found the remains of the village covered in ash and blood. Those curses and oaths made real were rather unsettling, but she did not let it show on her face. She was Aes Sedai, after all. She heard guttural sobs as people tried to pick up the pieces. "What are you doing here?" someone demanded. An angry young man stood to the side, his fists clenched. "You can't do anything now! You're too late! They're gone! They're all gone, and—"

"Dennin!" an older voice admonished. A woman with gray in her hair walked up to him and gently led him away. Torianin heard the sobs of children and walked up to them. They were all huddled in the splinters of what had been there house. Behind them were pieces of what looked to have been their family at one point. She did not know how it was that they had escaped the same fate, but Torianin knelt down with them and tried to soothe them. She led them out of the house and into the arms of family from down the way. Torianin headed further into the village, looking for others that may need her aid.

There were not many. The Shadow had been too crafty here. She told a villager that she would investigate further, but she would return. The young man nodded and headed back into the village as she pressed forward into the woods around it. Where had the raid come from? Why had it been quicker than she had been? She needed answers to avoid another disaster.

Stopping, she recognized something. A helmet nestled in the brush caught her attention. For some reason, she had thought it was a Seanchan helmet, because of the horns, but she soon realized that it was something she had never seen before.

Suddenly, there was a very animalistic noise of a beast snuffling around in the woods. She froze when it barreled into view. It was a great brute of a thing with cloven hooves, crudely made armor covering its upright body, and a goat's head at the top. Its eyes though, they unsettled her just as the sight of the village had. They looked human. She realized that this great, stinking thing with human eyes was a Trolloc. She had never seen one before, and as the thing charged for her, she leapt away, forgetting about her abilities. She readied herself to embrace Saidar when she spotted a silver archway further away from the village and the Trolloc. She did not know for what reason, but she knew that she had to go to that archway. The way back will come but once. Be steadfast.

She could not leave the village at the mercy of this…thing, though. It seemed locked on her, so she ran. She knew that it was chasing her. Torianin did not want to admit it, but she was too frightened to embrace Saidar. The arch was far enough away, that perhaps this beast would forget the village. She felt claws graze her back, and she ran faster. She picked up speed, ignoring her chest's protests. She could hear the thing breathing and huffing for speed behind her. This Trolloc knew how to fight and likely had endurance that she did not. If she didn't get to that archway fast enough, it would catch her.

The Trolloc's breathing got closer, and a few steps in front of the archway, she could feel the heat from its breath as it reared up to catch her. Finally, she simply jumped the last few feet into the archway and away from her pursuer.


Torianin's feet slapped against the stone floor, and she caught her breath. Memory flooded back, and she quickly and gratefully accepted this world as her own. She certainly had a long way to go before she would be Aes Sedai, but she was now one step closer. The Amyrlin Seat was waiting for her, and she straightened up. Torianin knelt in front of the Amyrlin, and she poured the last chalice over her head. Her words lifted her heart. "You are washed clean of who you were. You are washed clean of all ties that bind you to the world. You come to us washed clean, in heart and soul. You are Accepted of the Grey Tower."

Washed clean. Washed clean of Ri. She was Accepted Torianin of the Grey Tower. She welcomed the new title, her new self.

"You are sealed to us, now."

The Amyrlin passed the last chalice to an attending Aes Sedai. She took out a golden ring in the shape of the Great Serpent and slipped it onto Torianin's finger. She had reached her first goal. She was so far removed from the damane she had been not so long ago that it nearly frightened her. But, she embraced it. She bit back tears. The Amyrlin helped Torianin stand. "Welcome, Daughter," she said, kissing Torianin's cheek. "Welcome."

Torianin waited until the Amyrlin left the chamber before she let the tears fall. She covered her face as an Aes Sedai brought her a new dress. "Now, child," she said in a gentle voice. "You are Accepted now. You are expected to behave like Aes Sedai."

Sniffing back a few more tears, Torianin nodded as she took the banded dress. "Yes, Aes Sedai. It's just that I'm very happy," she admitted.

The small Aes Sedai looked up at her and smiled. "I know, child. I know where you have come from. But make sure that your tears do not show before you leave." Torianin nodded and set about putting on her new dress.