Fanfic:Shattered Glass
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For What Was
Winter was so cold in Katar, especially to the unfortunates who didn't have a warm fire to gather around and a roof over their heads to protect them from wind and rain and the occasional icy snow storm. Such a storm beat on the city now, the slap of ice against the windows filling the air with a discordant melody that did nothing to improve Ninya's mood. She sat in a small room, a single candle flickering faintly in the darkness. The draft beneath the door and through the badly fitted window panes was so cold she had her feet tucked up beneath her on the chair. She was lucky to have even that much, she knew; memories of spending winters curled up in a corner with scraps of this and that gathered around her for warmth filled her mind, only to be swallowed by different thoughts entirely. Those memories were better; warmth and laughter, good food, people who wished her well; hurrying to make it to class, or sitting under an apple tree in the summer sun, struggling to learn to read.
Bitterness filled her until she could hold it no more, and tears spilled down her face. They had turned her away. She had known that it was all too good to be true; she had known that there was no way a useless street rat could ever find a home in the Grey Tower, and yet she had allowed herself to hope. When time came to be raised to Accepted however....she had not been able to do it. Three times she had been summoned, and three times she had not been able to go through the great doors into the testing room. On the third refusal, with kindness in their ageless eyes, the Aes Sedai had given her a purse of gold and turned her away. Step by step she had made her way back to Katar, to the only place she knew other than the Tower, with no real idea of what she expected once she got there.
What she got was coldness, darkness, and loneliness. She had been there for months, and other than the woman she had rented this tiny room from, she had made few friends. She had looked for work, but no one wanted to hire a nameless nobody from out of town during such hard times. Thus she watched her gold dwindle, uncertainty and fear holding her tight in their unforgiving fist as the months passed.
Be Steadfast, a voice whispered out of nowhere. She blinked, her attention distracted from her deep melancholy by the unusual nature of such a voice. As she looked around, she found herself trying to remember what it was she was looking for. Nothing immediately came to mind, but the growling in her stomach told her she was hungry, and whether she wanted to or not, she would have to go out into the cold to find something to eat. Reluctantly she straightened, muscles sore from remaining still for so long protesting the sudden movement. She slipped her shoes on her feet, wincing as the ice inside them melted and began to numb her feet with cold. Her blanket went around her shoulders; in the absence of a cape or shawl, it would have to do. Then she pulled the door open and stepped out.
The wind stung her face, and the sleet cut into her skin like glass; as soon as she stepped outside her eyes began to water, and the tears slid down her cheeks, leaving icy tracks in their wake. She buried her nose into her arm and stumbled towards a tavern she knew of a few blocks away. Perhaps the keeper would be kind enough to give her some scraps. With no light to guide her and the wind coming from every direction, the journey seemed to take forever. As she rounded the corner and saw the first glow of the tavern's window ahead of her, the voice rang in her mind again, the way back will come but once.
The way back to what? For a moment it felt like she had other memories than the ones she remembered. She remembered knowing how to read, and long evenings spent curled up in bed. She remembered a disaster striking the Grey Tower, and Aes Sedai were- now what had she been thinking about? The darkness swirled around her again, seeming to cling to her with tattered fingers as she pushed the door open and nearly fell into the common room of the Ruddy Turnip. Everyone in the room turned to face her as the door swung closed behind her, and she found herself blushing furiously, wishing desperately that she could simply disappear. "I...I need food," she murmured, knowing even as she said it that coming there had been a bad idea. '
"I have no food for beggars and thieves, your ladyship," the innkeeper said in a mocking tone. She flushed; one of the dresses she had been given when she left the Grey Tower had been a silk gown, cut in simple fashion and yet unquestionably well made. She had worn it when she first came to Katar, while she still had hope that she might find work. Once her true destitution had been discovered, she had been named the Lady of Rags by the merchants and innkeepers of the city. "Now if you're willing to dance for us, I might have something for you...though it might not be quite what you were looking for."
The implication in his crude tone turned her flush of embarrassment into one of fury. "I am not that kind of woman." She snapped, hunger forgotten in the rush of anger that flooded her. "I will wash your floors, clean your kitchen, and make your guest beds but I would rather die than do anything like what you suggest. Give me something honorable to do- I have stolen nothing from you!"
The man playing cards at the table by the fireplace laughed. "Only his ability to tell a beauty from a beast, I suppose," he taunted. "I think I'd pay you not to dance." His companions laughed as he took a drink from his mug, and Ninya turned to face him, the anger and hopelessness she felt beginning to take over her senses. She moved as if in a dream, intent only on one thing: she would make these men respect her.
Be steadfast. She shook the words off- they meant nothing to her. "You know not who you trifle with," Ninya said in a tone to match the chill that ached in her bones. "You will apologize." As she spoke, she desperately tried to regain control of herself. She knew what filled her, and she knew the danger of allowing it to take over. She had been told again and again to control her feelings, and yet had never quite learned how.
"I'm sure I'm so terrified," the man said with a yawn. "What will you do, drip on me?" A man with broken teeth laughed loudly at that, and she could hear the barkeep chuckling behind her. Be steadfa- the words were cut off as saidar rushed through her, roaring with glee at finally being allowed out. She had not channeled since leaving the Tower, not even to warm herself; she had sworn to herself she would never touch the cursed ability again...and yet now it filled her, soothing her wounds and yet emphasizing the pain they caused at the same time. She reached, and Earth came to her touch; as the man who had mocked her reached for his cup, suddenly the metal turned red-hot, branding his hand as his fingers wrapped around it.
His scream echoed in the room, and the stench of scorched flesh made her gag. "I gave you a warning," she said, with a mad giggle that somewhere inside her she knew was fundamentally wrong. "I told you to apologize." Fire flew from her fingers and into the fireplace; when she pulled it out again, the flames came with it, engulfing the table the men sat around. They screamed again and stumbled back, beating the fire out of their clothes and hair.
This is what they meant, she thought in horror, when they said that I could cause disaster if I did not learn to control my ability! Desperately, she tried to take back the flows, to stop channeling, to release the Source and make the chaos stop...and nothing happened. Fire flowed from her fingers again, and more furniture caught on fire. She could see smoke beginning to ooze from the wall the fireplace, and heard the landlord's curses as he tried to flee and found that the latch had melted together. There was no escape from the hell hole she had created; she turned to him, still struggling to control herself, unaware that her eyes were burning just as brightly as the fires behind her.
Be steadfast. The voice brought her down faster than an ice bath. Without hesitating, she turned back to the inferno she had created, weaving Air to block the flames in and prevent them from harming anyone. Even as she did, however, the wooden walls of the tavern suddenly exploded into flame, and a man who had been cowering in the corner shrieked as he fell backwards, engulfed in fire. She turned to him and began to weave Water to quench the fire, but as the flows crossed the room, she saw that a glowing silver arch had appeared to her left, pulsing slightly in the red light.
The way back will come but once. Be steadfast. She looked from the arch to the man, and back again, knowing she had to go through the Arch and yet held in place by the horror of what she had done and the desire to save the man's life. No matter how crude he had been, no one deserved to die in fire.... In despair she released the Power and threw herself at the Arch, grief and terror and wretched horror alike washed away by the cool calm of the light that she traversed through.
She stumbled as she came out, landing on her knees on the cobblestone. She felt the rocks bite into her skin, yet could not bring herself to care. "Light forgive me!" she begged the Mistress of Novices, clinging to the woman's skirts as if her life depended on me. "I am not that person! What have I done?"
Even as she knelt, Saphire Sedai emptied the chalice of cold water over her head and said, "You are washed clean of what sin you may have done, and of those against you. You are washed clean of what crime you may have committed, and of those committed against you. You come to us washed clean and pure, in heart and soul." Shivering, Ninya stared up at the Aes Sedai, tears leaking from her eyes.
"Would I really do that?" she asked, teeth beginning to chatter. There was no answer to be had to that question, however, and it felt to Ninya as if something inside of her had died. Face blank as a stone wall, she stood walked to the second arch.
For What Is
She found herself in a small grove that smelled of apple and cherry blossoms. She could hear a small stream giggling to itself to the east, and to the west stretched a vast expanse of meadow, dotted with pastel flowers. She knew the Grey Tower lay some distance behind her; she had come here to read undisturbed, though she knew that being caught doing so would certainly mean serving penance.
For such a promising Accepted to risk herself so blatantly while so many channelers of similar strength and Talent were disappearing was close to madness...and yet the compulsion to get away from the Tower had been so strong that she had not been able to deny it. She smiled, taking a deep breath. No one would look for an Accepted outside the Tower anyway; she was probably safer there than anywhere within the walls. And besides....it was quiet here. No stress, no work, no one to tell her to get another meal up to another terrified Aes Sedai on the double.
She settled against the trunk of the tree she sat in, one leg dangling into thin air and the other propping up the book she had brought with her. Sitting out there, she could almost imagine she was in one of the old legends- a lady waiting for her lover, or an Aes Sedai weaving her webs of mystery and intrigue. For a few long minutes, the tall Accepted allowed herself to become lost in the stories, absently toying with her hair as she read. The wind blew merrily through the leaves and branches, carrying with it new from afar; she barely noticed it, at first.
As time passed however, she realized the wind had changed; it was coming from the south, and there were more scents carried on its back than just that of springtime and flowers. Frowning a little, she looked up, taking another deep breath. Hints of smoke filled her consciousness, and of iron and blood. Something had gone terribly wrong. Surely the White Tower hasn't attacked us outright? She thought in panic, shutting her book and shoving it into the bag she had brought with her. With natural grace, she dropped from the tree limb to land lightly on both feet, senses alert to everything around her.
She began to make her way back towards the Grey Tower, walking as silently as she knew how. As she drew closer, she could smell smoke even more strongly, and with a pit in her stomach, began to move more quickly. What is going on? She thought, yet even as she thought it, she knew. With so many Aes Sedai and Asha'man gone, the White Tower must have judged the time ripe for finally eradicating the Grey Tower....and Ninya had somehow chosen that very day to leave. Fear for her friends filling her, she pushed onwards, until she found herself in another small glade, still some distance from the Tower.
In this glade, Jenala Sedai sat. The Brown had obviously had similar ideas to Ninya's, for she sat against a rock, with her nose buried in a book and a forgotten apple in one hand. Unlike Ninya, she had not yet noticed the changes in the air; even as Ninya started to step forward to warn her, the air ripped open in front of the Brown, and two women that the Accepted instantly recognized as Aes Sedai -despite not knowing their faces- walked through. Jenala sat up sharply, her attention caught by the shield that had just been woven around her. Ninya winced, her fingernails digging into her palms as she watched the two strangers grab the Aes Sedai by the shoulders and bodily lift her. As they turned towards the Gateway, however, Ninya acted.
She channeled, Air and Spirit darting from her hands in the familiar knife-shape that Sarayne had taught her as a novice. It sliced through the shield like a hot knife through butter, and the two Aes Sedai stumbled backwards, surprised. "Run!" Ninya cried to the Brown. "Get out of here!" Jenala blinked, surprised by this sudden turn of events, then grabbed her skirts and ran as directed. Ninya felt a momentary flash of disgust, but ignored it in the face of suddenly facing two fully-trained Aes Sedai who now knew of her presence, and who together were significantly stronger than she. She turned and ran.
Getting away was too much to hope for, but perhaps she could give the Aes Sedai a chance to get back to the Grey Tower. A Brown would be much more useful than an Accepted with no trained Talents, after all. So she crashed on, feeling the White Tower women channeling behind her and not daring to look back. Thus it was no surprise when she ran head long into an invisible wall, and fell to her knees in the grass. When she turned to go in another direction, she found herself boxed in on all sides.
She remembered vaguely that if she held onto the Source and channeled constantly, she would be harder to shield. She only wished she had remembered more about how to shield someone herself- or whether it was even possible for her to do so. With that thought she filled herself with saidar, and channeled Air again, cutting through the flows. They collapsed around her and she scrambled to her feet to face the Aes Sedai who had stopped some spans away.
"She's feisty," the taller one said to the shorter. Both wore red, but one had blond hair and one had black, and the one who spoke had an accent that Ninya didn't recognize. "Isn't she one of the ones with excellent potential?" The shorter one nodded sharply, and they both turned their ageless gazes back to Ninya. "She is also strong," the woman remarked. "I cannot shield her."
Ninya blinked in surprise. An Aes Sedai can't shield me? She concentrated on the taller woman, and after a moment of confusion, realized that perhaps the woman was significantly weaker than most Aes Sedai were. Why on earth would she be sent on such a mission, then?
Be steadfast. The way back comes but once. Ninya blinked- where had she heard that before?
"Our link was lost when she cut your flows, Jessika," the shorter Aes Sedai said calmly. "I am ready when you are." The glow of saidar had surrounded her, and Ninya knew that if they linked, she would never get away. She half turned, but even as she did, the Brown she had rescued appeared, rushing in from the east. "She's the one we want!" the shorter woman exclaimed. "Forget the child, we can get her later. Follow order!"
The glow reached for Jessika and surrounded her; they were within the same nimbus and yet not. Ninya shook her head, trying to focus, and in that moment the two Aes Sedai struck at the Brown, the shield sliding into place with a click and a gateway sliding open in the air. "We'll be back for you, child," Jessika said in her strange accent. "Do be good and wait for us."
They turned to leave, and Ninya channeled Air, intending to slice the flows of the gateway to prevent their escape. Even as the flow left her hand however, a silver arch appeared, glowing in the sunshine. The way back comes but once, that sing-song voice reminded her. Beyond the arch, she could see that the strange Aes Sedai had pushed Jenala through the gateway. She still had time....Be steadfast! Jenala turned, reaching out an entreating hand; the other Aes Sedai batted it down, their faces cold.
Be steadfast. Angry, Ninya stepped into the arch, unwilling to admit she could do nothing to help the Brown, and yet knowing that she had to go back. Am I doomed to forever watch people hurt while I stand by unable to help them? She asked herself, even as the light tore her apart.
This time, she remained on her feet as she came out of the arches. She looked, and sure enough, Jenala sat by the Three Arches, the Power flowing through her. Be wary, Ninya thought, but somehow she knew speaking would do no good and possibly some harm. She would have to simply watch and wait and hope.
After Saphire finished speaking, she moved to the third arch.
For What Will Be
Ninya sat in a massive chamber. There were enormous windows, arching high enough for her to stand straight in. Thick curtains in rich tones of blue decorated the alcoves, while on the walls fine tapestries depicting times long past hung. The furniture was made of redwood or other expensive materials; the seats were straight-backed in Cairhienin fashion, but the seats had been enhanced with delicately embroidered cushions, and clothes of Sharan silk hung over their backs.
She smiled at herself in the tall mirror that stood to one side of the massive chair she stood in front of. Her hair hung free, gleaming like ravens' wings as it fell in glorious midnight waves nearly to her knees. She wore a cap of pearls, chains, and tiny crystals that shimmered in the light from the lamps, and swayed slightly as she moved. Her gown was made of silk, cut in Domani fashion. The skirts swirled about her feet as she moved, and the wide sleeves on the gown billowed as she lifted her hand to touch her overly youthful face. On the chair behind her, she could see an embroidered shawl, the long sky blue fringe falling off the edge of the seat. She had been Aes Sedai for ten years- why did seeing those things surprise her?
A knock at the door caught her attention; she turned away from the window and called "Come in" in a voice she barely recognized as her own. The door opened, and a young woman in the livery of the Domani royal palace slipped in, face visibly paling as she observed the finery about her. "I don't bite, child," Ninya said calmly. "Have a seat." The servant perched herself on the edge of one of the large chair, plainly ready to flee at any moment. "We have spoken frequently via letters, what has you in such a fluster now, Deanne?" The woman jumped, and made a visible effort to control herself.
"My lady -Ninya Sedai, I mean- I can think longer when I'm writing a letter. I have never- spoken to an Aes Sedai before." The woman was all but biting her nails, and Ninya sighed. Perhaps using her as a contact in the Domani court hadn't been such a smart idea. She would try to salvage what she could, however. She embraced the Source, and wove Spirit and Air together; the servant could see nothing, but as the flows wrapped about her in gentle circles, her apprehension visibly disappeared, leaving her calm and breathing normally. "Thank you," she said hesitantly, and Ninya smiled slightly. Very smart woman- a good choice after all.
"What have you learned about House Mizani, Deanne?" Ninya asked quietly, seating herself on a chair across from the woman, and channeling Water and Fire together to fill the teapot on the table between them with hot water. "What is Lady Rivana doing?"
Deanne's lips tightened. "They're fussier than a pack of cats, Aes Sedai. Lady Rivana is in the city, but hasn't been out of her manor in weeks. Her daughter Kiana has, however- it is thought that perhaps the Lady is ailing, and is sending Kiana to set her affairs in order." Ninya maintained her composure, but her mind was whirling. Rivana could not be younger than sixty, but there were plenty of noblemen who were still active in the military at that age, and noblewomen still playing at intrigue in the court...so why would Rivana hide herself away? She returned her attention to Deanne just in time to hear "It is known, however, that Lady Rivana will be coming to the palace tonight, to join the King and other royalty in their celebration of Bailene. I believe the feast will begin in an hour, yes?"
Ninya nodded, but her thoughts were far away. An hour...she had an hour. She managed to dismiss the servant somehow; she could not remember how. She straightened her cap, and smoothed her skirts. She wrapped her shawl about her shoulders, and ran a comb through her hair. Then, her mind envisioning a rose in bloom, she left the room. It was time.
Be Steadfast. The thought made her smile. Naturally she would be. She did not expect warm welcomes- indeed she had no intention of introducing herself to the Lady Rivana at all. It was with that small serene smile on her face that she passed through the great arching passage and into the dining hall. As it should be, the men and women gathered there curtsied to her upon sight of her shawl; she smiled and nodded, and even offered the King a shallow curtsy of her own. Let them think about that one for a while! After a short period of mingling, she found a place to station herself where she could see the door and still appear to be thoroughly engaged in whatever mediocrities the people around her were discussing.
Some time passed, and she began to wonder if Deanne had been given false information. Would Rivana truly arrive late to the feast? As the only Aes Sedai in attendance, Ninya found she had been given a seat to the right of the King, and nodded graciously as she sat. Even as she did however, she saw a newcomer glide through the door, hips rolling in a ridiculously transparent green dress. Certainly Ninya wore Domani fashion, but her clothing at least maintained decency! The woman who had just arrived had black hair touched with gray pulled up into an elegant knot at the back of her neck, and pearls wrapped around neck and wrists. A transparent capelet of silk flowed from her shoulders. Her eyes were piercing hazel, and her copper skin glowed. This was no ailing widow...so why had Rivana spent so much time hidden away?
As Ninya had expected, the Lady found a seat to her right. If the Aes Sedai had not been in attendance, the noblewoman would have been next to the king in importance. Ninya nodded to her, speechless, before turning her attention to the short speech that the King gave. Once the feast began, however, she turned to her companion.
"Good evening, Lady Mizani," she said formally. "I had heard you were ill- I trust all is well now?"
The woman looked at her curiously. "I had a cold and needed to rest more than usual, I'm afraid," she said in a voice trained to be sultry and yet powerful. "Thankfully I was able to weather it." Throughout the meal they spoke of inconsequentialities, while Ninya struggled within herself.
Be Steadfast, the voice reminded her as the meal ended, and she nodded, her resolve firming. Before she could speak however, the lady looked at her curiously. "It may simply be a failing of age," the noble said carefully, "But I'm afraid I don't know your name, Aes Sedai. Would you care to appease an old woman and share it?"
Ninya barely kept herself from rolling her eyes. While it was miraculous that the woman had admitted to ignorance, blaming it in the weakness of age was only a ploy. Never mind that, however. "I am Ninya Evoneigh," she said simply, and locked her eyes on Rivana's. If this woman was who Ninya thought she was....she would recognize that name.
And she did. She visibly paled, her hand moving to her mouth of its own accord as she stumbled back. "Ninya....Evoneigh." She said, obviously struggling for equilibrium. "I....see." She took another step back, eyes haunted, and Ninya suddenly wondered whether this had been the right thing to do. Would it have been so bad to not know? "If you will excuse me," Rivana said, turning suddenly, "I have business-"
The Aes Sedai reached a hand out, opened her mouth to call- and against the wall, a silver arch appeared, shimmering and glowing as if taunting her. The way back comes but once, the voice intoned in her head. Be steadfast. Ninya took a step forward, hand still outstretched, but Ravina had moved quickly; to catch her mother, Ninya would have to leave the arch behind.
Be steadfast. She looked at the arch for a moment, then turned her attention back to Ravina, who had encountered resistance in the form of a knot of young folk blocking her way. I could still catch her, we could still talk...
The way back comes but once.
Be Steadfast.
Ninya swore out loud, employing every crude word she had learned in many years of growing up on the streets. People turned to her, shock and censorship in their eyes, and she glared at them, continuing to swear inventively and without repeating herself. I cannot leave! I need to-
Be steadfast.
The arch flickered, and she had a sudden memory of seeing that before. Something terrible would happen if that arch disappeared. Yet.... She looked at Rivana, and when she looked back at the arch, the rate it pulsed had increased; she finally tore her feet from the ground and walked to the arch, unaware that her face had settled into a visage of grim hatred. I will come back, she swore. I will find you, mother.
The world shattered like it were made of glass.
She shivered as she came out of the arch this time. The change from fine silks to being naked and damp was not one she was prepared for. She moved forward to kneel in front of the Amyrlin however, wondering why it was that Amora stood there rather than Saphire. She accepted the golden ring, feeling herself begin to tremble as it slipped onto her left hand.
She stood, receiving the kiss of welcome as if in a dream, before gathering her things to leave. As Aliana lead her from the room, Ninya asked "Are the Arches real?"
She should have known there would be no definite answer.
