Fanfic:Road to a Bond/Part 5

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Written by Jerid Walker and Lysira Viathene.

Chapter 5: A Fiery Bonding

Mouse stood outside the door of the Master of Soldiers.

It was, perhaps, something of a breach of propriety, but she felt like it was a necessary one. Having been released from the Infirmary just a little while before, escorted and checked on by Darrik but confirmed hail and whole again by all involved, she could not quiet the whirling of her mind.

When she had returned from Murandy, she had made all plans to speak with Jerid. There had been things to attend to first, as her duties in the Yards had accumulated in her absence, despite her best efforts to make arrangements before departing. She had to tend them, and then the incident with that twit of a Drin'far'ji and the stallion had waylaid all.

There had simply been so much. It needed to be seen to, and with her mind full of Aden Asha'man's words, it seemed that it should be sooner than later, so that she might try to clear her mind. And besides, Jerid deserved a fuller explanation of what errand took her from the Tower, and about the note regarding it.

Mouse hoped that he was not cross with her for that, but it had seemed the best way.

Now she felt freer, yet more resolute; clearer, yet more confused. It was an uncertain place to be, but she hoped that she would be able to make things make a little more sense with just a few tasks that were perhaps over due, but all things came to life in their own time and on their own schedules. She had remembered that well earlier in the Infirmary.

Though tired still and fully aware of the age of the evening, now was the time and so here she was. She lifted her hand and knocked on the door. (In her waist satchel was a note with her name upon it, in case Jerid should ask who it was without opening the door...)

Having knocked, she waited.


Jerid rubbed his eyes and tried to focus on the task at hand. The ledger in front of him was filled with names and recent activity of Soldiers, along with reports from instructors from various classes.

The last few days had been filled with similar paperwork and reports, all of it piling it up before he could finish. As it was he had only just managed to put a dent in the entire work. And in truth, he had welcomed the distraction.

It took his mind off of other things. It had been a few days since he had received the missive from Mouse, and while it had caused no small amount of curiosity to stir in his mind, he couldn't fault the woman for leaving the Tower.

They had separate lives to lead, and he had an inkling an entire forest would have been awaiting him when he returned, as well as a line of learning ranks waiting to be punished. Or a very angry instructor demanding why one of his pupils had not shown up in three days.

Raldran Asha'man had been by not two days ago to inquire why a Soldier had not been attending lectures, a fact that had Jerid had remedied rather quickly. The boy would be spending much of his time changing bedpans in the Infirmary, shortly after he returned from the Farms for a week.

A knock came at the door, and Jerid raised his head, a bit surprised to hear it at this late hour. The Indigo had sent his aide back to his quarters hours ago, and he could not imagine a Soldier or Dedicated would have come this late in the night. Nor would another Asha'man or Aes Sedai unless an important matter warranted it.

Not that he wasn't grateful, of course, just surprised and curious. Closing the ledger, the Asha'man pushed himself from the massive chair and stood, stretching sore muscles. Moving around the desk, Jerid walked toward the door, his gold-green eyes dancing with wariness. These days, one could not be too careless.

His hand curled around the handle and he gently pulled the heavy door open...

...only to find an unexpected visitor. Mouse stood there in front of him, and while he was pleasantly surprised by the sight, he was also a bit confounded too.

"Good evening, Gaidar. Please come in," he said with a gesture. "I trust your recent foray from the Tower went well. How may be of help."


Once the door opened, Mouse was simultaneously relieved that she didn't need to slide a note under the door just to announce herself, and equally anxious as to her visit. He at least did not seem cross with her over her departure or the late hour of her arrival, so that was something to be relieved about as well.

She gave a small smile and inclination of her head as she stepped into the room and turned to face him.

Yes, it went well, she began. One might think that some of its would cause and errant blush or two, but in fact it was the very events themselves that freed her of them. It was partly because of it that I have come to speak with you. I hope I have not come at a bad time, and that you have a while to speak?


Jerid tilted his head in curiosity at Mouse's comment as he closed the door once she was on the other side. For some odd reason, he felt rather relieved that her recent outing had gone well, and equally confounding that he felt little irritation.

But then their brief time knowing each other had revolved around a trust and respect for each other's privacy. Rare was the time when the Indigo felt possessive, nor did he think it would particularly appeal to the small Gaidar.

Besides, she had proven quite capable of taking care of herself.

Her question of course made him smile, and his eyes went toward the desk that still held a fair number of stacks of ledgers. His gold-green eyes turned back Mouse, met the woman's large deep pool of a gaze.

"You have come at the right time, Gaidar, and I should be thanking you for saving me from paperwork." He gestured to a few chairs off to the side, sitting beneath a few wooden relief panels etched with detailed engravings. Jerid had crafted the engravings as well as the chairs, though the chairs had been much more recently replaced.

They were a bit more massive, just a tad smaller than his own, and only used for guests. Before they had been of regular size, but a recent visit from the M'Hael had made him rethink the size. The giant of a man would have likely found himself dumped onto the floor as the old chair snapped under him, had he actually sat down.

"Please, sit, and lean back on your knife and let your tongue go free," he murmured in a traditional Altaran saying. Granted, it was a bit ill-fitted for the young Gaidar, but still it had its uses. It allowed any and all to speak freely without offense, and really the greatest insult was to be untruthful.

"Would you care for some tea? Or perhaps cider?"

Beneath the polite question, he was a bit curious as to what Mouse wished to speak about. He did not voice such things, but a flicker of it had slipped to the surface of his eyes, sending the gold flecks dancing with a life of their own.


Mouse let herself be guided to the chairs and she took her seat. Being less schooled in details of cultures, even after all this time in the Tower, she was not familiar with the saying. All the same, she was knowledgeable enough to know that it was a saying, so she gave another small bow of her head as she took her seat. She felt rather dwarfed by the chair, but was used to such things.

Some tea would be lovely, thank you, she signed with a polite smile. In truth, she felt that she could use the calming.

There was much that she wanted to say, and equally much that she wanted to ask. She did not know if all of it would be touched on this evening, though. Mouse knew how it would start, but only time would tell how the rest of it would go. In truth, it felt so odd to be here now... about to say what she meant to say, and in so short a time from the last time she spoke the words.

Yet life had turned around on its ears now and the truth was soon going to come out simply by the return of two of the Tower's children thought lost. She wished certain people to know because she told them and not because rumor whispered it.

Mouse accepted the tea with a small nod of thanks, taking a sip as she waited for Jerid to take his own seat and then she set it on the side table, so that she might be able to speak. (Yet another moment when a lack of vocal chords was an annoyance, but there was naught to do to change it, so she dealt with it.)

I have long been a keeper of secrets, she began with a shy, almost rueful, expression. Yet I come tonight because I wish to tell some of them to you, as they will soon come to light on their own and I wanted you to hear them from me first. Pausing, she considered how to go about it.

A little over twenty-five years ago, there was a Blue Aes Sedai named Selenirra Viathene, and her Warder and husband Benar. They had made enemies in the... Black Ajah and they fled from Tower life, went on the run. I do not know how this time comes in the time line of your life, but you may have known of them.

Their flight coincided with Selenirra's pregnancy. She gave birth to a girl while they were in Saldaea.

They named their daughter Lysira, and when the girl was very young, her parents discovered that she had been born without the ability to speak, or make any vocal noises. Her gaze remained steady, but a distant enigmatic smile was on her lips. They taught her other ways to speak, but they were always on the run. One night, when the girl was but a child, their enemies found them.

Her father sacrificed himself so that mother and child could escape, yet four years later, Selenirra had a Dream. She was a Dreamer. She knew that Benar was alive, and she knew where, and she went to find him. She left the girl with a trusted companion in Saldaea. She did not mean to be gone for long, but did not return. One year passed and the girl's care-taker died.

Lysira had been taught to never reveal her real name, so she lived under the pet name that her mother gave her. When the old healer woman died, the girl was alone and lived as a scavenger, in the woods more often than not, and as hunted as her parents with a few narrow escapes...

When she was seventeen when she unwittingly found the place that her parents had been from.

Mouse paused, glancing down at her hands before lifting them both to brush errant strands of dark hair behind her ears. For some reason, it was easier to tell the story as if she was talking about someone else. For the first time, she was telling the whole story... and you know what? It felt good.

Lifting her head again, her eyes glinted proudly. She still kept her name private to protect herself and the memory of her parents. Yet while here, she learned of what her parents were, and she walked the path of her father, striving to make him proud. She became a Gaidar.

Several days ago, she discovered a very surprising fact... She stopped again and laughed silently. Several days ago, I discovered that my parents might still be alive. How I came to know this would infringe the privacy of another, so I cannot say, but I learned this and dug into my memory. I had a clue and a trail. This was why I left. I had to know if it was true, and find them.

And I did. Light help me, I found my parents and they have returned to the Tower now. She smiled. And now I have become free of many a burden that was laid upon me. She was not going to mention the other burdens she felt free of now. And so I have come here now to tell you what I could not say before, and explain where I had gone.

Falling 'silent', she awaited his response to her tale.


The tea Jerid poured was a favorite blend of his, though hard to come by. It was a lemon blend, procured from Altara and with a pleasant taste and scent contrary to the fruit's natural bitterness. Most in the northlands would have never heard of the fruit, much less taste it, but it didn't prevent it from divulging its source to Mouse as he handed her a cup.

For some reason people tended to avoid lemon tea after they had tasted the actual fruit. He could understand why, but still they should not turn their noses up at it.

Without a word, he took his own seat, adjusting comfortably and settling the cup into his lap, cradled by his hands. The cups were Seafolk porcelain, and quite rare these days, so they demanded gentleness, especially since the Amayr's near extinction.

As he settled in, Jerid could not help but let his curiosity become visible. Normally the marble statue, the Indigo had come to relax in the Warder's presence. He merely waited patiently for her to say what she had come to speak of.

And as the 'words' unfolded before the Asha'man's sight, his curiosity only grew. As did his confusion. This he hid, whether by a sip of his tea, or by a matter of internal will power.

The initial question that arose in the Asha'man's mind was why had she had not come to him with this matter? It was quickly smashed down, knowing it was a personal matter, which he respected. Still the question left a residue that persisted in the Indigo's mind.

And then there was the matter of finding her parents. His head perked up at the mention of Selenirra and Benar, names that registered vaguely in the Indigo's mind. He had known of both as a Dedicated, but that had been years ago. The Aes Sedai had been wise, considered a promising addition to her Ajah and the Warder very good, worthy of noting.

But he had no idea that his young Warder had been their daughter. He had seen the return of at least two children of the Tower's initiates in his lifetime, but had never imagined Mouse had been such a child. How many others could have known this?

Only those she would trust more than yourself, Walker. But nothing to concern yourself with. You would have been the same way. The thought was obliterated, but not before it had left it's mark. It had rung true, but it did not mean he was particularly fond of agreeing with it.

Nor was he proud of the fact that he kept his own secrets close to heart. It was their respective natures, Mouse and Jerid, to possess such traits. That was why he did not press the small Gaidar in anything she wished to hold private.

And Light alone knew he would have only felt like he had intruding had he inquired. Still, it did not erase the echo of irritation he felt. No, not irritation, but rather puzzlement as to why she had not told him about this mission. He would have offered her his services without hesitation.

He pushed it aside, however, as Mouse finished (it was the name she had given to him, and one he would use until permission was otherwise given) her tale.

And for a long moment Jerid was silent, merely observing the Warder with a nonchalant expression. He did not know how to respond, to be honest. A flurry of emotions stirred inside him, ranging from curiosity to confound puzzlement, and for once he did not know how to address any of them.

Finally, when another long moment had passed, Jerid set down his half-empty cup. "I am glad to hear that you have found your parents, Gaidar. And it lightens my heart to hear that two of the Tower's children have returned home." He spoke much like the Official that he was, if a bit more pleased at the news.

"But I must confess as to why you came to tell me. I understand your desire to, and it warms me to hear that you would personally tell it before rumor spread, but not why." It was still a rather complicated matter for Jerid to grasp, as he was so used to a life of secrecy and revealing only what needed to be known.

"They are well, your parents? I remember their names, that they were well regarded, well loved, too."

He asked the question to prevent the unasked one from rising to the surface. Why not tell him, even in the note?


Being a bright woman, and a sensitive one, she detected a shift in him... It was vague, subtle, and hard to interpret, but she sensed it. Something in it suddenly made her feel... ashamed. She railed against the emotion, but she could not deny that it rose up. On the outside, she did all she could to keep this from showing.

Mouse was still somewhat fatigued from the day, however, and it took a great amount of both energy and will power to keep her features as schooled as they were. Perhaps a flash of emotion shot through her eyes like it had when speaking with Aden: a flash of uncertainty, of hurt, of embarrassment? She was not aware of its presence, entirely, so she was not sure of its nature.

He speaks to me like a teacher who is mildly pleased with their student, she thought as she covered whatever might have been in her expression by taking a sip of her tea, which she had all but forgotten in the telling her tale.

Such a leap of faith to come here to tell him this and now she wondered why, briefly, as well.

Looking back up at him, she was better in control of herself and gave a polite, vaguely pleasant smile. Yes, they are well, Asha'man, she replied, using his title properly as he had used hers. I am sorry that I have taken up so much of your time in the telling, but I thought you would wish to know.

There were other reasons, of course, but now she was not sure if it would be proper to speak them. Had she been wrong to come at all?

Mouse knew that if their meetings had continued as they were, and if they truly sought a bond, that she would have told him all of this in time whether she had found her parents or not. It was only their discovery that dictated the timing, but she would have told him and had she not gone on the quest she had, it would have only been one of a handful to know.

Thank you for the tea, she concluded politely. If a language born of hands could have emotion, it would have been a soft voice that hid embarrassment.


Jerid himself was a keen observer of character, and of emotion. It came from years of watching from the shadows, and from a life growing up as a thief. And at the moment it was at its greatest peak.

He caught the subtle flash of emotion in Mouse's eyes, and immediately he felt ashamed of the tone he had taken. It was withheld, of course, devoured as if the Void had taken root in his mind. It would have been a welcome relief to assume that state of mind, but it was a coward's way out.

And it would be disrespectful to a Warder that he had much respect for.

Only the Gaidar's words further strung the Asha'man's own pain, a reminder of the tone in which he had spoken, if not his very words.

Only, pride was not something that was easy for Jerid to push aside. It was Altaran upbringing and Andoran heritage that demanded he stuck to it. But then Jerid had never been one to listen to tradition. His own history as a Dedicated had proven that much.

"You are welcome, Gaidar," he murmured after a moment, responding to her thanks for tea. He reached for his own but his hand stopped halfway there.

"I am happy that your parents are well, Mouse," he said, more sincerely. It was the first time that he had spoken her name without title, and one of the rare times he had spoken it at all. "It is a rare blessing of the Pattern, and a great blessing that you greatly deserve."

There was no hidden emotion in his voice, and even a tad bit of envy. But most prevalent, unaware as he was of it, was a bit of respect and - more pronounced - affection.

"You did not waste my time, and I must apologize if I conveyed that impression. There is no one more that I would rather see or talk to, if it is a matter of importance. I know what it is like, to bear the knowledge that one's family is dead. And I can understand the joy of finding them alive."

Still, he was cursing his himself for his own stupidity, a fact that his eyes rather betrayed even if his face did not.


Dark eyes hid behind an impassive expression, and yet forever stood out. From behind the mask of her stung emotions, she carefully watched Jerid's face and listened to his words. She wondered why she had been made to feel this way at all. What did she want from the man? Approval? No... but something else that she knew not what.

Mouse could not help but consider, in brief flashes and instances, of how different he was from Lucan. Perhaps it made her wicked to be so comparing them, after what had happened in Murandy, but it was the events in Murandy that made her feel like she could more soundly make them in the first place, as she found she liked the things in Jerid that made up the differences...

Even if they had her turned around at the moment, tossed on her ear.

His words reminded her of all that Aden Asha'man had said while she was in the Infirmary today. She felt guilty for the good news of her parents' return while he had so obviously suffered a tragedy, yet she knew she should not feel as such. She was not responsible for the way that the Wheel wove.

Mouse looked down at her hands, rough and worn as they were, and thought for many long moments about what she might wish to say, about what might be wise to say and what definitely should not be said.

Finally, she lifted her head. The cool impassivity had passed and she was a little more herself now. I have told you a tale tonight that I have not told anyone else, in its entirety, she confessed simply. I hope you are not cross with me for not telling you before, but understand that this was closely guarded for a long while.

I have not long known you yet, and while I feel instinctually that I can trust you, I did not wish to burden you with my secrets until we better knew one another. I have told you now because of my respect for you, and that I thought you deserved to know my own words; a courtesy not afforded to many.

My departure on this matter was in great haste, and because I did not know how long it would take, I would have found it unfair to ask you to come with me and abandon your duties to the Soldiers and Dedicated for an indefinite time. And as I didn't know what would happen, I feared to speak too much of it before leaving.

Her words were plain, spoken with the gentle eloquence of simple emotion yet not the cultured crafting of a person born to a life of words. She was a Warder and not made for verbal finery. While she could evade statements as she liked, when it came to stating something, it was stated simply and honestly.

She was no more than what she was, after all.


For a rare moment Jerid let down his guard, and the barriers that kept his emotions in check. Other Asha'man and Aes Sedai might have been appalled at the sight, but he couldn't care one wit what they thought.

They were not here in his office, only Mouse and himself. And not for the first time did Jerid find himself questioning why that was. Normally he would have been the model of Asha'man calm, but the Warder's presence had all but abolished that discipline.

Of course Mouse's words served to further remind him of his previous attitude. It left a slightly bitter taste in his mouth and a pang of regret in his soul. It was filtered out, however by overwhelming understanding for the woman's desire to keep such a secret so close to the vest.

After all, had he not done the same in the past, leave with only a note, and often for less justifiable reasons? And how many would have gone, had you told them? It is unfair of you to judge, and wrong to doubt trust may exist.

That he was a plain fool was already a given fact. Only Mouse's statement had thrust that fact into the Light, and suddenly he felt like he was trying to balance himself on a rail-thin beam hovering over a chasm, hopping on one foot just to reassure her that she had not been in the wrong.

Light, but women could be complex, even when simple in nature, and it did not help matters either when doubled as Warders. Light, but half the Yards would surely loved to have seen the channeler squirm, however subtle it might be.

"I am not cross with you, nor would I be justified in doing so," he said after a moment. It was a simple and honest statement. "Secrets are the things that in part define and shape us, a bit that we keep to ourselves for whatever reason. It is especially true for people such as ourselves."

The Asha'man paused briefly, unsure of how to continue. In truth, he was felt quite honored she could tell him such a matter, but it would be awkward to say such without sounding too patronizing.

Rather suddenly, Jerid leaned forward, across the small gap and reached to clasp one of the diminitutive Warder's hands. They were as rough and calloused as his own, but not without their own agile grace. The Indigo squeezed it, as if to convey his respect and thanks for being told such a personal thing. And slowly, he withdrew his hand away, perhaps too slowly. Had he? Stop fretting over such things, you bloody wool-headed lummox!

"I appreciate the respect with which you also considered my duties," he added quietly. And given the quickness with which this had happened, Jerid was actually glad she had considered it. Unless it was far in advance, it would have been irresponsible of him to abandon his duties. He would have never forgiven himself, especially if something drastic had come up in his absence. They were his charges, and he was responsible for safeguarding them.

Again he hesitated, this time on his next words. It was not that he was at another loss of words, nor that he didn't have reservations, but rather if was appropriate considering the Gaidar's recent good fortune.

"The truth is, there are some secrets that you are entitled to hear about as well, though no where near the level as your own. Only...I would not know where to start. As you may have observed, it is not an trait I am especially skilled at."

Light, but it confounded him that he could be so...open? No, just comfortable, in her presence. Perhaps it is because she reminds you of Erin, only radically different.

The thought, while informative, only served to confuse the Asha'man further as he waited for the Warder's response.


His words and expression continued to calm her further and move her away from the earlier uncertainty. The touch on her hand brought a faint smile, even though it also brought the Yellow's words once more to her mind... yet she was not going to speak of them, not now. It would be inappropriate and would unfairly distort the conversation they were seeking to achieve.

Mouse followed him with her gaze, which might almost appear placid now - eyes like hers too often resembled creatures not human, like the eyes of a doe or that of a contented horse. She did not mind the comparisons, as it was part of what had brought her name to her - the pet name, that is, and not her birth name.

Perhaps, she began, it would simply be easiest to start at the beginning then. Her smile had an odd quirk to it that warmed her eyes a little, but was enigmatic on its own.


Jerid smiled weakly at Mouse's words, still unsure of where exactly the beginning was. And some of the secrets, or the things that he held close to heart and mind, were painful.

And yet not to divulge them was also to place a possible future Warder in needless danger. His gold-green eyes fell still now, like embers had fallen still in a forest background.

"From the beginning then," he murmured, his own smile somewhat bittersweet. Not every story had a happy ending, sadly.

"You are aware that I was a father," he murmured. It was not a question, merely a statement, as he had mentioned grandchildren during that night in the Band of Brothers. "My children were born in the Tower, children of a channeler and a Warder, a twin boy and girl." It was no secret that, nor the fact that as a Dedicated was one of the few to be allowed a marriage and to rear his children without interference from the Tower.

"They grew up rather quickly, like all children inevitably do. Then there was a time when I decided to leave, when both of the twins were just fifteen. My plan was to return to the Caralain Grass, where my blood kin lived. I had thought at the time that I could offer the Tower nothing more, and I would just fade away into self-exile, take my children to meet those family who lived outside the Tower walls."

He paused there, as if to ponder his words. Sixteen years of absence had seen radical changes to the Tower, as well as a sameness. He had come back to find Amora still Amyrlin, but to find Daimenin was M'Hael. But it had also possessed a deep hole.

"My son stayed when he learned he could channel, a fact I am proud of. Beric signed the Soldier Book, had all the expectations of becoming a Brown...at least until the Seanchan came." His voice took a slight hard edge over that one word, Seanchan, and he looked down. "He died in service of the Tower, was one of those to launch a counter-attack. The memorial in the forest, that was to honor him."

Here he paused again, trying to find a voice before it became too strained. "Years passed, and I had returned to the Tower. My daughter had married, a fine man who was an Andoran officer. They had children, resided in Caemlyn, and raised a family, my grandson Morgan included." A small smile of pride touched his lips as he twisted the jade ring on his right hand.

"I was raised not too long after the Battle of the Lights," he said, going on. "I had not expected to be chosen by the Hall to serve as Master of Soldiers, though I had placed by name to finally be able to watch over the learning ranks in a more official capacity. That had happened not eight days before we had met. And from the first night, I was the target of assassination by an agent of the Black Ajah." This he spoke of with no more concern than as if his tea had grown cold; Jerid had grown up on the streets, and had had seven Seekers come for him over the years. It was nothing new for him.

"But the main threat was to that of my family, warning that should I not step down immediately, my daughter and grandchildren would be targeted." His smile faded and he looked down at his tea cup.

"I thought I could move most of them to safety, some where that the Shadow would not think to look, and Morgan I thought would be safe surrounded by Warders and under the eye of the Master of Arms. I was wrong on both accounts."

Again he paused, his thoughts withdrawn. He reached for his teacup, taking a sip from it once in his hands. "When my grandson was attacked and I was alerted to the reason behind it, the worst was assumed. I Traveled with two others to the family manor..." Jerid voice faltered a bit. "...and found a massacre of nearly every single inhabitant. Servants, guards, and siblings as well as my daughter, my eldest granddaughter and second oldest grandson, they were all slaughtered to soul. It had been done as if the person taken his time, the fashion with which they were slain."

For the first time Jerid looked up at the small Warder, and he murmured, "The only saving grace was that we had arrived in time to prevent the deaths of my youngest grandchildren." He was indebted to Caden and Miahala for their help, for had he gone alone, there was no telling as to his fate.

"They are here in the Tower now, and I doubt the Black Ajah would be so foolish as to attack them again, at least so soon."

The Asha'man fell quiet again, but he did not take his eyes from Mouse's dark pools. "But I fear that it will only be a matter of time other minions of the Shadow attempt something, especially after the Seanchan channeler failed."

The whole underlying message of the story was simple: Anyone close to me will become a target.


As Jerid told her the story of his family, Aden's words fell into context inside her mind and made sense now. While listening, as Jerid would have seen every time her looked at her, her eyes remained on him with her silent, intense yet unobtrusive observation, as though she could listen as equally with her eyes as with her ears.

And, in a way, she could. People spoke in all sorts of manners, after all.

When he was finished, and looking into her eyes, he would see there infinite compassion. Not pity, she did not pity anyone that she respected... but she did feel sorrow for his loss and sympathy, but also the understanding that while she knew what it was like to lose your family, she could not comprehend what living through this was like for him.

To imagine this had all happened right around, or at least not far from, when she met him in the forest and later they traveled to the Portal Stone. And she'd had no idea... He was as good a secret keeper as she was, and with more practice. (Some of the things she had over-heard him say made a little more sense now as well.)

Mouse also understood the thing that was not said.

I cannot begin to comprehend the enormity of it, she signed in gestures of a 'gentle' voice. I am sorry for your loss, but I thank you for having the trust in me to tell me. Pausing, the Gaidar tilted her head thoughtfully. If you may fear that it will bring me to withdraw my intent, you need not worry.

I have been a target for much of my life now, and I imagine that the return of my parents will not ease that. While it is joyous that they have come home, it does not mean that they no longer have enemies, or that I do not. She paused again to brush more hair behind her ears, as it was loose now and kept insisting on falling in her face.

On a side note, something else I discovered when my parents came home was that I am not an only child any longer. She smiled ruefully. There was, of course, one other thing she'd learned, but now was not the time to discuss that. I have a seven year old sister. If your grandchildren remain in the Tower, perhaps they may find a friend in her.

Another pause.

But back to my original point, she signed. During the Battle of Lights, I don't know if you heard any rumor of a woman who had been kidnapped by the White Asha'man who turned out to be the evil one behind it all. This memory was still fresher than the previous ones, but she now realized she should mention it. The woman was me.

I have been a target of the Shadow, and I imagine that I will continue to be... yet I have learned while I've been in the Tower that one does not escape it, or protect one's self, by facing it alone. All I have said about being willing to learn more about each other for a possible bond I hold to and still mean.

We are alike, you and I, in some ways... and we would be stronger to fight it together than apart.

Here, she offered the faintest of smiles.


It took a great effort for Jerid to school his features back to a semblance of Asha'man calm, but he managed to do so. There were gaps in it, of course, but in no small part to due to whom his current company was. And the look in Mouse's dark eyes only further made him forget about masking his emotions completely.

Jerid knew that look all too well, had worn it himself when the boot had been on the opposite foot. And for once he knew the impact it had, and was grateful for it. He could not abide pity, nor did he ever dare use it, even on those minions of the Shadow who were fortunate to live.

He nodded in silent thanks to her condolence and to acknowledge her thanks of trust. The truth was, beyond a bare handful, he did not speak of it to anyone, and even then none had seen the state with which he had spoken of his family.

How odd that, especially when even the M'Hael's tranquil presence has little effect. Of course, you know what that means.... The thought was smashed down, obliterated before it could be complete. Instead the Indigo focused on the deceptively small Warder's hands, on the words they formed.

At the mention of her parents he nodded, his eyes conveying their own message of understanding. The Shadow did not rest, especially when those it hunted spat in its face in defiance. From what he garnered, Mouse and he were living proof of that, hounded by the darker aspects of society and yet unwilling to break or bend under the pressure.

And of course, a faint if brief smile touched his lips when he heard Mouse 'speak' of a little sister. He had grown up far from his siblings, had never known any of them until he was a young man, already a Dedicated, but he still knew what it was like to have discovered a new sibling. Aviaine had been his adopted sister, as had Deranih, and he had been pleased to call them as such.

"I would be happy to have my grandchildren make friends, as they will be residing here for a while." Jerid said with some pride, even if it was laced with sorrow. Most would have seen sudden custodianship of grandchildren as a burden, but the Asha'man believed otherwise. Beyond Morgan and Sabrina, he had been but a brief part of life for most of his grandchildren. Rearing them here, under his watchful eye, would enable him to take a more active role in their lives, in their childhood.

And friendships can be garnered, can help them adjust. he thought. There were times when he felt it best to arrange recreational activities. Miahala and Caden had a son, only a few years younger than two of his own grandchildren. The thoughts, of course, were filed away for a future date as Mouse continued.

Her next statement caused his eyes to spark with some surprise, and a bit of anger. It was not anger directed toward Mouse, but rather toward that snake of a traitor. He only nodded in acknowledgement of hearing the rumor. As Master of Soldiers, Jerid had been granted some knowledge of the surroundings of the Battle of Lights. Lycos al'Seraphim's perverted attempt at renewed life had been thwarted, but he had no idea that Mouse had been the intended vessel. Even Miahala's words following the extraction of his grandchildren could not allowed for such a possibility that Mouse had been the would-be victim.

"Aye, I know of the rumors," he said. "Just as I know of his attempts at rebirth, and subsequent failure. Such a ritual would require only a willing...participant."

A small light of pride entered his eyes, pride that she had been willful enough to survive such an ordeal.

"Aye, we are two of a kind, and quite a pair," he murmured after a moment. He smiled faintly, but it was a brief expression, gone as soon as it had happened. They had agreed to working relationship, to see if a bond was viable before one was forged, and at this point Jerid had no doubts that it was possible.

But still, there were complications, ones he could not place his finger on. Or refused to admit existed. It was those thoughts that ran beneath the surface that caused Jerid to stand.

"And you are right that it is better to fight such things together, rather than alone," he murmured as he moved toward his desk. "And yet...there are complications. It has been so long since I was bonded."

His hands rustled through some of the papers, and it was clear it was an affliction of embarrassment on his part. "The first time I bonded, it was as I said near the Portal Stone, an accident, but it was also one that bloomed into mutual understanding. But there were also other emotions...and since I had been bonded last I had not it possible to take a Warder."

He looked up from the mess of ledgers and at Mouse. His gold-green eyes revealed for once one thing that had never been shown to the Gaidar: confusion.

"As I said...there are complications. You are the only one I can seriously consider bonding and yet..."

He trailed off, his eyes flashing back to the closed ledgers.


Reactions and emotions were like a rolling tide in her mind as she listened and watched his responses. There were many things to take note of and she had a unique reaction to each part, although she kept the majority of the changes and thoughts to herself. It was a strange little parade of thoughts through her mind that she didn't try to analyze yet.

The one that ended up winning in the end, however, was the one that came last. She watched him as he went to the desk, listened to him speak and heard the words. She wondered at what he meant, perhaps denying that she might know what he meant, and now again Aden's words returned to her... but she wasn't sure what to make of them.

Complications.

She realized that there were perhaps some for her as well in the form of a particular Yellow, but she knew in her heart that she did not wish to bond Lucan, nor did she wish to commit herself to him... This was what she had learned of herself in Murandy that night. She wanted to give him what was given, but not a commitment.

The thought of making the commitment to Jerid, however, was a different matter.

Her complications would be a matter of what came after, the possible repercussions if Lucan did not share her views (and she had not chosen to ask, but neither had he) about matters. Yet Jerid's sounded like they were ones to come before it, and this was where she was uncertain.

Rising from her seat, Mouse walked a little closer to the desk. She did not intrude on his space, but felt that too much distance would hinder the conversation. Plus, with him looking at the ledgers, she had to get his attention and she didn't think throwing something appropriate.

Mouse stood closer to his line of sight and waited till he turned his eyes to her again and she still saw the confusion there, and it confused her in turn. And yet? she signed, gently prompting more of a response.

Tonight, it would seem, was a night for honesty.


Jerid had never once thought it possible to feel this level of emotion, nor at such a complexity, at least not again. Even with Aynaiss, such emotions had been more concrete; while there had been love and passion, it had not been at such a level as what he had felt for Erin.

And now here he was, confronted with similar feelings that he was not sure were entirely...what? Not entirely right? Such a notion was dismissed, as surely as to attempt to speak them would be stifled by the First Oath. Something told him that they should not exist, but instead they did.

And it was not guilt, not in the least. Bonding a Warder that instilled the same level of respect and trust as Erin had was not something he was ashamed of. Mouse was different from Erin in so many ways, that he had no reason to feel such things. In his view, she was one of the finest Warders the Yard could produce.

Rather, it was shame that mocked his inability to discern his current emotions. He had known Erin for years, had grown up with her, and as such the emotions had evolved. With the Gaidar...it was a whirlwind, but nothing to overlook.

And yet it is so flaming obvious, you woolheaded fool of a man!

The thought vanished quickly as he caught Mouse in his peripheral vision. He looked up and before he could speak a word, her hands signed a message that caught him off guard. It shouldn't have, but it did.

For the longest moment he was silent, as he wrestled with his own conflicted and chaotic thoughts. And then a wall crumbled and he couldn't help but speak.

"I...told you once how I bonded my first Warder. Such a weave I know by heart...but only in certain applications. And it is...something I've been debating over for a very long time since the Portal Stone...the emotions are well...complicated..."

He moved from his position from behind his desk, moved around to face the woman directly. He kept a respectful distance, but believed his answer should be delivered without physical boundaries impeding it.

"The thing is...I don't know what I am feeling...and yet I do..." You flaming wool headed lummox of a brain-dead fool, you're as blind as a bat and without its hearing!

The thought survived. And it prompted the Indigo's next action, as subtle as it's seed was. In many ways, he knew it was wrong.

"Flame it," he whispered aloud. The next thing he knew, he had closed the small distance and pulled Mouse into a kiss. It was a fierce one, and filled with a chaotic mix of emotions that ranged between passion and affection to tender desire. And not one bit of confusion as to the fact it was meant for the Gaidar.

This time, he did not pull away.


In a very small space of time, Mouse's entire life had done a complete turn around.

No. Lysira's life had. She was not Mouse now.

As a Warder, she was supposed to be able to handle any given situation at any given moment without surprise or hesitation. She was supposed to be stone-faced in the face of absolutely anything that came her way. Yet in this short passing of time, she had been faced with multiple situations that she could not possibly be a statue against.

This was, indeed, one of those situations.

Some part of her was so surprised that she couldn't move for that initial instant and her body felt as immobile as if he had tied her with bands of Air. Yet... she wasn't surprised, either. Light help her, but there was a part of her that wasn't surprised at all. These two portions of her mind were not necessarily easily reconciled to each other.

The one part said that she should back away, clear her mind, just... stop. The other half... disagreed.

Somehow, the second half won.

This, again, surprised and didn't surprise.

Lysira's small hands rose and touched his face as she rose slightly on her toes to meet him. The height differential was not exceptional, but she was considerably smaller than most people, so there was always some noteworthy difference and it helped to be on her toes. It helped to allow her to meet the kiss, because she understood that it was meant for her.

Some small voice in her mind railed at her, told her that she was a wicked creature to allow this when she had so recently taken to bed with another... yet she knew what her feelings on that matter were, and that this was but a kiss... and for all she knew, the other was in bed with someone else right now.

There was no one here but she and Jerid.

After several moments of near intolerably sweetness, Mouse had to pull herself away and take a step back. Her small chest rose and fall in a noticeable way as she panted and her eyes told the story that she did not pull away because of any negative emotion; that a huge part of her did not want to pull away, but she needed air.

Lysira had to breathe, but she was unblinking in her gaze, which was intense, certain yet uncertain, and speechless in all ways.


If any truth existed, it was that Jerid had only ever felt this way once before. A White or Grey could have debated the meaning for Ages, but the fact was there was nothing philosophical about the action, nor with his emotions.

The simple truth was that he was quite taken with the woman, even as his arms wrapped around her in the brief time that their lips remained locked. For once in years, he was not divided over an action, nor did he regret it upon taking it.

And for once, that blasted voice inside his head was completely silent. Only his thoughts remained, even if they had vacated his head at the moment.

But as with everything in life, nothing good ever lasted forever.

As much as he had been aware that Mouse had returned the kiss, he was also aware of her pulling herself away. And it was with great reluctance that his arms untwined themselves from her waist, allowing her the freedom she apparently wished.

When she had gained some distance, Jerid's eyes opened and he looked at her, regarded her with a more...focused train of thought. Where confusion had once reigned, it was now subdued. There were still some lingering questions, but now at least he had answered some of them.

He was not so distraught over his own emotions anymore. But there were other issues that had surfaced, but ones he had faith could be worked out. At least he hoped it could be.

Jerid allowed a moment of silence, in part to allow his own body to recover, and let his lungs gather oxygen. The other was to look at Mouse, to gauge her own state of mind, as delirious as his own was.

It reflected his own, unable to speak, despite the lack of breath. He could surely sign them, but what would he say? That he was apologetic for his actions? Jerid doubted he could do that, as the First Oath would cramp his hands before he signed the first phrase.

"I...Mouse..." He did not get much further then that, and it was not from lack of breath, or from hesitation. Instead it was an incarnation of his previous thought, one which still would not be laid to rest. You might as well be worse off than a bat, you flaming wretch of a cur! A deaf one can still see better than you...

Jerid closed the gap once more, again with the same abruptness. This time his arms snaked around Mouse's small and supple frame, and again he pulled her into a kiss. Only this one was more of passion and ferocity that the previous one, if mixed with the same amount of tender resolve.

And for the second time in his life, the unexpected happened. The surge of emotion overcame the normally reserved Asha'man, and he gave into it. The swirling mass stormed into Jerid, through him, and unbidden, began to wrap itself around into Mouse.

A hundred fine and unseen filaments delved into her, latched onto what might call her physical representation of a soul, and fused. And through it all, Jerid kept his mind focused only on kissing her, ignorant of what was happening.

Then there was a shock of emotion, a sudden blooming that literally threw the Asha'man's mind into a spin. Too little, too late did he know what it had meant. And he pulled from the kiss, if with even greater relucatance.

And he focused his eyes upon Mouse's own dark black pools. And he suddenly realized the emotions swirling inside his head.

They weren't his. They were hers.

"Flame it," he breathed. Then he was speechless.


Fire was alive inside Lysira this night.

The third flash of fire to rush through her was one that she had never experienced before in her life, and that was easily recognizable, even so quickly on the heels of the second fire born from the second kiss. It was similar, yet not. It was more. It was an explosion of internal sensations and emotions and...

...and him.

She realized that she felt a little weakened suddenly, and it hadn't been the kisses this time - though they had made a fair dent in it, and following on the heels of the Infirmary visit this morning, she was feeling light headed and leaned a little against Jerid.

It was one unimaginable day, all of a sudden.

The maelstrom of her mind was no longer hers alone.

For a few moments, her dark eyes were simply wide and they met his... yet without reproach. She had known the risks, truth be told, because he had indeed told her of how his first bond had happened, yet she had pursued his statements, and given into the kiss and not run from it.

Had I wanted this?

The question in her mind was a loud one, but then she realized that he had spoken, though not much. She was trying to sort out the lines of things that was her mind and that was his. It was unlike anything she'd experienced before... and it suddenly occurred to her that she was a true Warder now.

Lysira's lips curved upwards in a slow smile, a genuine expression of wonder, and happiness. She rose on her toes and kissed him again, briefly, softly. After she lowered herself to her feet again, she leaned back slightly - though not enough to lose his embrace, lest her legs fail her and she fall. It was just enough to sign.

Her expression was one of serenity, suddenly, despite all. Yes, there would be repercussions to be sorted, and yes there was confusion and yes this was unexpected, but somehow... it felt right, and she felt... tranquil.

Perhaps you should call me Lysira now, she signed, lights glimmering through dark eyes.


He had bonded before. He knew what it was like, the storm of emotions, the nest of feelings and physical awareness. And yet Jerid was still thrown off guard. The truth was he was unsure of how to navigate this sudden dense jungle.

Jerid felt like swearing again, cursing his own luck, but something stopped him. He could not be sure if it was his thoughts, or hers that caused him to hesitate. One thing was certain, beyond the hurricane of emotion was that he had no doubts.

None surfaced, none took hold of the Indigo's thoughts and threatened to rail at the absurdity of it all. Jerid had warned Mouse near the Portal Stone what such a kiss could initiate, and that he would honored to have her as his Warder.

Now that he did? The Asha'man was afraid to let go just yet, afraid that this might be some cruel dream. Life had been filled with those of late.

Only, that one fear was abolished when Mouse kissed him. The brief and intimate gesture sent a small jolt of electricity through his body, and the Indigo couldn't help smiling in his own faint fashion. The nest of emotion was beginning to untangle, allowed itself to become just a bit more coherent.

Absently, he granted her the brief space for which she needed so speak her language, but his arms lay firmly entwined about her otherwise. Something told him it would not be ideal to let go just yet.

...Perhaps you should call me Lysira now. Jerid smiled at those formed words, nodding slightly at what could only be perceived as an honor. Altaran society had funny customs about a woman's name; until she gave it herself, one dared not speak it lest he find himself with a lump on his head.

"Lysira," he murmured, the name naturally rolling over his tongue, as if it had been something sweet yet strong and appealing taste. "Lysira," he whispered again, this time with more affection. "Please, call me Jerid, as would only be fair." Again, Altaran culture could be a funny thing.

Of course, questions swirled around in his skull, rattling like a thousand oracle bones that refused to rest. Concerns about the path ahead, the days unfolding after the next. Shut up and just enjoy the moment, you woolhead. It was a thought he listened to.

The Asha'man looked at Lysira then, a small smile touching his lips. There was a new level of confusion roaming his mind now, but not as loud, and rather more appropriate to the moment. Jerid leaned down and planted another kiss on her lips, as brief as her own had been, and as affectionate.

When he had straightened, Jerid had found his arms were still entrenched around the small Gaidar, around his Warder. And again he thought it might be such a great idea to let go. Only his eyes betrayed the question, one decisively meant for the moment beyond this one. What next?

It brought a slightly bashful smile to his lips. Altaran custom did not lend itself to this particular and rather unique aspect. He knew the next step, only it had been years since he had been in this pleasant situation.


For a brief moment, the sensation of tranquility that was upon her had almost been like the Void. It had shielded all the other emotions that would come and left only itself in its own wake.

Slowly and then suddenly, the rest began to flow in, and it was a bizarre procession through her mind.

Lysira was aware of another person in a way that she never had been before. In her mind there now existed two distinct reference points: one for herself and then the other that was him. And this bundle of emotions and awareness belonged to the person that she was now charged with the absolute defense and protection of. She was now his Warder.

It did not daunt her in the least, but instead cemented and clarified the sense of purpose that she had been trained for, and aiming for, in all this time... and yet an odd little voice in her mind looked at the presence there and her sudden new duties and wondered if this was what it was like to be a parent.

Lysira wondered if it felt at all like this, the quiet awareness of another within, to carry a child... and then the charge given to protect them once they were a part of the world. A strange fleeting comparison that fled quickly to allow room for other things.

She had no customs to fall upon or consider, for she had never known a nation as her own. Her home was the Tower, and there were no Tower customs about certain aspects of life, once you were acknowledged as your own person (as she had been when she attained the fancloak). Her life and her choices were now her own, and so she had only that reference.

In all of this, the memory of Murandy had all but vanished. It now returned and she had that voice in the back of her mind wondering if she was a wicked creature to be here, like this, with him, and feeling these things she was feeling, so soon after her return and the events of that night.

Everything happened so quickly.

Yet if she stopped and looked back over everything, as one can do in the flash of an eye or the pause for a breath, she was not surprised. From the very first night she had met Jerid in the Band of Brothers, she held known there was something different about him. There was a similarity between them, how they set about the world, in their histories, and how they viewed things.

Conversely, in being the Warder, she had felt safe with Jerid. She had felt safe in a way that she had never so completely felt around the other - whose name her mind felt would be a sort of blasphemy to think of, while standing here like this. Yes, she had trusted him with many things, but he had, after all, saved her. He said he loved her in the library, but she knew such things were limited for him.

She had even known it that night, though it was not a memory to regret. She knew a lot of things, even if only passively or partially.

It was different here. Jerid was different.

In the moments of breaths and heartbeats that came, a part of her tried to figure it out... as best she was able to think at all, of course.

Future.

She felt there was a future, and an open one, for them here.

It wasn't that she knew what the future would bring, but that did not worry her or cause uncertainty. It would be as it would be. With the other, things were always on uneven ground. Here, she was stable and with Jerid, she felt supported, and so she felt free to be that support in turn - to guard, defend, protect, and all the things she knew a Warder should do.

Her mind was clear again. Her eyes on his were wide open and still serene. Even the maelstrom thoughts and brief intrusions of uncertainty had not managed to diminish that. She met his eyes and saw the question, though she was not entirely sure of the answer, herself.

She was resolute, but also pliable, in this moment. In her acceptance of the bond, she had, in essence, given her life to him. And so now, even though this was a different sort of situation, she would follow his lead. She knew her mind, of course, this was not blind submission, but the conscious and mature choice of accepting and giving total trust.

Yes, it had all happened quickly, but when the Wheel wishes to bestow something wonderful upon you... you do not refuse it.


Life could so be amazingly complex and yet astoundingly simple at one time. One action had a ripple effect across the Pattern, in turn creating more ripples. Inevitably they would affect the greater world in ways no one could anticipate or comprehend.

At this moment, as he stared back at Lysira, fell into those large doe-like eyes, Jerid knew that such a thing existed here and now. He could just continue to hold the Warder like some young fool, or he could actually make a decision.

Even as the entire web of emotions, both Lysira's and his own, began to constrict and tightened into a more coherent ball that he could understand. And all he could read at the moment was a tranquil feeling, beneath the disorientation, and for the first time he had to marvel at how truly reflective her persona was to her appearance.

That caused a smile to blossom on his lips, one of faint appreciation. She was the epitome of a Warder, strong and resolute and willing to stand in defense of her Ward, and yet...she had trusted him to hold a bond, as unexpected as it was.

Here he was, bonded to a Warder for the first time in decades, and actually happy. Granted, the future might well be cast on its head and send their lives into a topsy-turvy freefall, but he did not doubt they could overcome such obstacles. He had faith, simply because of a level of trust that had existed between them.

But that still did not resolve what he was to do with the moment granted to them here.

The fact was, the tiny bundle nestled in the back of his consciousness helped to only confound him further. He had felt this way only once, and that had been his first bondmate at the beginning of their romantic relationship. Only, the difference was simple: it did not frustrate him now.

And there was trust, there was willingness and understanding on both their parts. And the knowledge no irrational or immature personalities would emerge. What finally determined the Indigo's action, though, was those large dark pools that were Lysira's eyes.

Those eyes were like windows, and at the same time, a mirror. They held the knowledge of what could transpire, that any possible road avenue existed.

The smile that had blossomed now rippled across the bond. Jerid pulled Lysira into another kiss, only this one more intense, and with clear intent on what it meant. For his own part, his emotions were intense, and though varied as they had been in the beginning, only magnified many times over by the atmosphere that permeated the air.

And in the process, one of the Indigo's arms loosened its hold and he slowly but deliberately began to tug at the hem of the small Gaidar's shirt. There was a reason for the slowness, to allow the Warder to push away if she wished.

Beyond that, and the intense feelings raging around inside, Jerid knew one instinctual thought. When the Wheel started spinning, it was best not to question its route.

For once he didn't.


There were many ways to look at the situation and many things to consider or examine, were one to attempt any of these things and be rational.

Yet, the simple fact of it was, rational thought... had kind of gone out the window.

Emotions and sensations flashed from her to him, and him to her, over the bond until it was hard to know where one ended and the other began. It was a feeling unlike anything she had ever known and it was impossible to not be swept up in it.

Perhaps she could have resisted, if she wanted... but she didn't really want to.

And so, she didn't - she did not resist the feeling, nor the man before her.


Passion. Intense emotion.

That was what had seized Jerid, and so to apparently Lysira. Everything else had been discarded, and it was impossible to determine whether any small spark of rationality still existed.

As it was he was barely aware that he was moving forward over the rug covered floor...or was she pulling him backwards with her? The tidal wave of emotion running back and forth across the bond made it impossible to dwell on such minor details besides his hands fumbling with her clothes.

The only thing that he was aware of was soon they had stopped moving, only to vaguely recall there had been a wall not too far from his desk. That brief recollection was soon shattered. For one brief moment, however, he broke the kiss, just to look at the Warder.

A very soft smile touched curved his lips, a smile of respect and deep affection that was magnified in the flow of emotions across the new bond. It was a smile he had not shared with any other for...he could not even remember.

Then Jerid leaned again and kissed Lysira anew, the intense emotion all but consuming any remaining cognitive thought...


He lay unmoving on the soft rug, his gold-green eyes watching Lysira's tranquil face. His thoughts were completely silent, save for what affection filtered through it. For the rarest of times, he was actually...content, with no care for the world beyond the next moment. There was no telling how much time had passed, but he cared not.

Jerid's arms lay entwined about the Warder's supple and bare form, in awe of how firm and yet how soft it could be. It was a silly thought, but one that still marveled him nonetheless. Where there was almost virtually no scars aside from what seemed to be on her hands and feet, his own was a different story. Faint scars had always crisscrossed an otherwise healthy form, faint marks that had healed naturally after duels or battles from his youth. They were faint, barely visible, but still there.

It was a small irony, considering their respective roles in life and the Tower.

The small fancy passed, and he absently reached to brush a stray lock of hair from her face and tuck it behind her hair. With a very soft smile, the Asha'man placed a soft kiss on the Gaidar's lips. As he withdrew, the smile still remained, the physical reflection of the overabundant emotions that rampaged through his mind.

But beyond that, he could not find one word to speak. Nor did he dare do so. Time was granted to them, in lives that were apparently filled with turmoil. There was no point in ruining it, at least for the moment.


Strange that as a Warder, she should feel such sense of safety while lying, pleasantly entangled. (Should it not be her to give the feeling of safety than to receive?) It was a subtle reminder that while she was what she was, and did well at it, when all training and titles are stripped away... Lysira Viathene was a woman. As such, as simply herself, she was able to find the comfort of such safety.

Growing up as she had, when no moment and no place was ever safe, she had a peculiar and particular appreciation for a moment like this one.

Lys' eyes were open and clear, watching the expression that warmed Jerid's face and eyes as he looked upon her. She sensed him, his contentment and his... awe... and it surprised her, but pleasantly. Curiously, as well, to wonder what he might be thinking now. She could sense his feelings, but not his thoughts and she idly wondered what they might be.

So did she wonder at her own thoughts, for it had not been all that long since she had lain in Lucan's arms. (Now that mostly rational thought was possible again, so returned the ability to think his name.) She wondered if she should feel guilty for being here, and for feeling the contentment... or wonder if the contentment was more hers, or Jerid's.

Yet in her heart, she could not dredge up the energy to feel bad about it, and perhaps that was terrible of her on its own, but she no longer owed Lucan anything, so she felt, and there was no commitment to him. She was a woman free to choose her own path, and without such possession of her future, she did not betray Jerid either in being here.

Lysira did not, of course, relish the idea of having to tell Lucan such things, but such time would come. And all would be as it would be.

For even if the act may have been the same, it was still a very different thing. She had, of course, felt physically satisfied that night in Murandy and had enjoyed their time, but now, here, she felt... more emotionally satisfied. What, though, was the difference? They were both men... yet it seemed clear.

Not to declare that it was any sort of solemn pledge of eternal love between them here, but that Jerid's heart had been in the act... where as Mouse knew, had always known, that Lucan's heart could never be wholly, or even mostly, in the act... She did not begrudge him that, because she had known it from the beginning.

She was grateful for his saving her, of course, before and during the battle of the lights... but she was not to be wholly indebted forever because of that to one who would not be faithful to her - so why pledge herself in return? She would not think ill of him in the separation, though she had a poor feeling that he would not be so even-handed about it.

But, over all, life was new now, and it was to live forward and not backward.

Thusly, after some long and languid moments without words of any sort, Mouse was prompted to ask the question that she had not asked Lucan, and had not ever had the intention of asking him. Lifting her hands, she broke the 'silence' to be simply the woman she was and ask: So, what happens for us now?

The look in those dark eyes was enough to clarify that she knew how the bond went, but was asking to the rest of it.


It was with no surprise that Jerid actually tilted his head in curiosity ever so often, as he felt the tranquil and somewhat contemplative mindset emanating from Lysira. It was not a prying look, just one of mere interest, as if he had found something else he could admire.

Of course, his own mind was not without its own thoughts, scattered as they were. It had been so long since he had allowed anyone to be this close to him that it was an a new road to be explored.

The Indigo felt he should be frightened by what could come of this. He had no doubts that it would not interfere in their relationship as Warder and Ward, but there could be other concerns. His marriage to Aynaiss, while filled with love and compassion, had dissolved over the years. He had kept his distance, had forced himself into a wall so dense nothing could penetrate it that in the end both had split apart.

But he wasn't afraid. Not in the least. He had faith enough to know that his relationship with the small Warder would endure in one fashion or another. He could live with that, for it was as much her choice to decide as it was his own to contemplate.

But there was one fear that held deep down, buried too far to even be consciously aware of. It whispered softly. What if Erin's fate is to be her fate as well. It was still a painful memory, even as long ago as it had happened. It was a Healer's instinct, a knowledge that one never completely recovered from the loss of a bondmate, no matter the duration.

But Lysira is not Erin, he thought absently, watching her with a quiet intensity. As much as the small Gaidar might remind him of Erin, she was radically different. It was not his task to protect, but rather to be protected. And for once in his life, he did not mind the reversal.

Those quiet thoughts of course were interrupted by Mouse's sudden movement of hands. His eyes latched onto them with a quiet observation, and the question rendered him silent for a moment, his mind suddenly a whirlwind of thoughts.

...What happens next... It was a question he had long put off, at least ever since the first signs of coherent thought had returned and rational thought restored. But it was a fair question that deserved an honest answer.

It did not take long for him to respond. And it evidently reflected in the bond.

"More than anything, at this moment," he replied softly, "would be to hold onto this. It is a path that could be explored, and a very..." he paused, not for sake of hesitation but for lack of the right words. Light hoped she knew what he meant. "I believe it would be a very beneficial road to travel down, to have evolve should you wish to."

With that he fell silent, merely looked at Lysira like a curious fox observing one of his fellow foxes. Whatever her choice, he would respect. She was his Warder, and such a relationship had to be one of even ground, a working partnership.

Not only was it tradition that stretched back to the Trolloc Wars and the Ten Nations, but it was also one thing he felt should be allowed. An option to choose.


It put Lysira in a place of awe to know how much he showed her respect.

Not that she felt others disrespected her, but simply that Jerid was an Asha'man, and the Master of Soldiers. It was the duty of Warders to serve and protect, so he did not have to give so tender a respect to her in all things. Yet he did, and still gave her something of a feeling of awe. Not surprise, for their meetings thus far had shown this, but appreciation and awe nonetheless.

This did, however, put the question into her field of choice. And thus fell the option to her:

What do you want, Lysira Viathene?

Her gaze stayed on his, now with a certain pondering blankness that came when one retreated into the depths of their minds to consider something, or come to some decision. She had to think about what it was that she wanted.

The more recent experiences had been situations slightly more anticipated in the moment leading up to them, but she had not foreseen in any way being here now, like this, with Jerid. Yet she did not regret it, certainly. But now she realized she'd asked a question she didn't know the answer to herself.

What do you want?

Murandy had closed doors in the recesses of her mind, and more than she had realized, while since she had been back, others had opened. Worlds opened before her.

Lysira smiled then.

I agree, she began signing, that I want to hold this moment for as long as it will be held. And further that I too would like to see where the road may take us. I am now your Warder and so shall I ever be. She had no First Oath to bind her words, but they were 'spoken' with a look of quiet fervor that assured their truth.

Even if this road were to lead to a place where we did not wish to pursue this aspect, I shall still be Warder... she continued. Yet... I think taking things by day, to find out where the paths could lead, would be something beneficial, as you say, and that I would like to do. That I want to do.

And so her answer had been given, and now the rest of her life would simply have to revolve around it.


It was a strange feeling, to feel the awe from this woman. Of course, this in turn only drew a similar result from Jerid. How could it not be expected? Anyone would be foolish not to allow the choice.

Are you so positive, Walker? There was a time when such things were not always so. The Asha'man ignored the thought, knowing full well the troubled origins of Warder bonds.

Instead he waited patiently, anticipation dancing inside his mind as much as a respectful agreement to whatever she said. Again, this was a relationship built on common ground, and mutual trust, not coercion.

Only, the smile on Lysira's lips seemed to tell the story even before her hands could.

His heart skipped a beat, even if there was no surprise in his mind. He couldn't help but feel overwhelmed with joy and a renewed rush of affection towards Lysira.

Yet it did not detract from the focus on the Warder's calloused hands. He could only nod in acknowledgement about her sincerity. He knew it existed, could feel it in a way across the bond.

And he knew that even should the path lead to a place where this kind of relationship was a viable option, there would be no ill feelings. They were both mature adults, capable of making rational decisions.

Still, he could not help but feel just a bit...more joyful. For a normally reserved person, that was a rarity in and of itself. "Then we are in agreement," he whispered happily. "The road ahead is something I would relish, especially with you as my Warder."

The Yards could produce none better than her. They were words he had spoken to Aden, even though he had not divulged Lysira's identity. You could tell that Yellow only so much.

"And I might make a confession," he added with some mischief. "I am rather quite taken with you, Lysira Viathene." That was an understatement to be sure, as that sudden surge of affection and tender passion was bouncing inside his mind, and likely across the bond as well.

As if to reinforce such a statement, his hand trailed up her slender form and pulled her into a very powerful kiss.