Fanfic:Philosophies of the Mind
| Author(s) | |
|---|---|
| Character(s) |
|
This is a piece of fanfiction. Only the original author(s) or Librarian(s) should make content changes to this page. |
After dinner, Mirin went to the Library, where she usually spent her evenings. It was her favorite place in the Tower. Every time she stepped between the ornate set of double doors, she felt a sense of awe that never faded. Books, thousands of books, filled with knowledge. Mirin had not been well-read when she first arrived the Tower, though her mother had taught her to read so she could help take down notes and write messages for customers. But Mirin had always admired knowledge, because knowledge was power. She also had a quick mind and a desperate, burning desire to learn.
And so, for the last four years, she had spent most of her time studying in the Library. She walked up to the librarian at the counter. "Do you know where I can find Essays of Willim of Maneches?" she asked.
The librarian looked in her records. "It has been checked out by Ravak Darrow."
"Ravak Darrow?"
"Yes. He is a Drin'far'ji. Reddish hair, average height. Shienaran," said the librarian. Mirin shook her head. She would never be able to find the man.
The librarian continued, "Oh, and he is always sitting in the back right corner. I think he might be there now. I saw him pass by an hour ago."
Why couldn't the woman had said so in the first place? Mirin barely restrained herself from rolling her eyes. Instead, she politely thanked the librarian and went in search for Ravak. She found him sitting in a comfortable chair in the back right corner of the Library, just as the librarian had described. Surprisingly, she recognized the man. She had seen him with a novice, Aikaterine Riatin, a few days ago.
"Ravak? I need to study the Essays of Willim of Maneches for a class tomorrow. The librarian told me that you have it. May I borrow it for tonight?"
She tapped her lip thoughtfully. "By the way, I saw A History of the High King sitting on the table when I last saw you here in the Library. Were you the one reading it, or was it Aikaterine?" she asked. Her grey eyes sparkled with curiosity.
Ravak winced as he straightened his shirt, brushing an accumulation of white onto the ground. Beneath his uniform was an assemblage of throbbing pains that would turn his torso black and yellow come the morrow. He had earlier trained with a fellow Drin who didn't grasp that spars were about refining your technique, as opposed to pummelling your sparring partner until he was numb. Well, it hadn't quite been that bad, but the Kandori was better trained in forms, and had made several illustrations of that fact on the Shienaran's body.
He had skipped dinner after that particular session, and came instead to the library for some much needed rest. Pulling three or four books out, he settled in his favourite seat in the Tower's library, the seat in which he had first met Katrie. His blue-grey eyes twinkled thinking on her, but the rest of his visage was the dour glare he often wore. He had started the evening on King Aemon al Caar al Thorin, an unpleasant read about the fall of the kingdom of Manetheren during the Trolloc Wars. Now he thumbed through a biography on Jearom. Every Drin knew the name of the greatest swordsman woven into the Pattern. Somewhere in this second-hand account, he hoped to learn more about ko'di, and about different forms. Of the other two books, one was Essays of Willim of Maneches. Rav was tenaciously working through the texts, but some of them were impenetrable to understand.
Lost in thought, Ravak barely had time to register the Accepted that stood before him before she spoke in a distinct Cairhienian accent. Gazing up from the page, he was a little taken aback from who the woman was. She was short, and wore that aloof expression that most Cairhienian did. He cared nothing for Daes Dae'mar - the Game of Houses - considering it a foolish inconvenience at best. Cairhienian nobles played that game as if their lives depended on it, and Rav knew that in some exceptional cases, lives did depend on playing the game well. The Light shelter me, and pray I never have to go to Cairhien. Considering the Accepted, he reluctantly had to admit that she had an arresting quality, although he couldn't put a finger on why.
When she asked for Essays, Rav pulled it out from beneath the other works before thinking. Holding it now in his left hand, he patted it against his other palm, wondering how he could get the woman's hackles to rise before handing her the book. It was juvenile, wanting to get back at her for the upbraiding she had given to Katrie - and myself too. With a heavy heart, he stretched out his arm and placed the book on her side of the table.
Tapping her lip in a reflective manner, the Cairhienian surprised Ravak by having more to say. "I saw A History of the High King sitting on the table when I last saw you here in the Library. Were you the one reading it, or was it Aikaterine?"
Ravak drew himself up straighter in his chair, the only reaction he allowed to show from the Accepted's insult. Her name is Katrie. That was what he wanted to say, but he chose completely different words instead. "I was the one reading it, Accepted." It galled him slightly how compliant he was being, but he wouldn't have been much of a Shienaran if he didn't respect the Great Serpent ring she wore on her finger. "I was curious about the Seanchan, and I thought that book may have held some answers." He pulled his ring off his finger, and began to roll it about in his left hand below the table, irritably. He just wanted some peace and quiet to himself, not to get drawn into discussing Katrie. I'm guessing this is some Daes Dae'mar idiocy she about to prod me into.
Ravak had been reading the book? Mirin felt a faint sense of surprise... and respect. A History of the High King was not an easy read. But then again, neither was Essays of Willim of Maneches. The Essays were usually assigned to Accepted or Dedicated, not Drin'far'ji. There was more to the Shienaran than first met the eye.
Perhaps here was someone with whom she could discuss one of her favorite topics. She spoke quietly, respecting the near-silence in the Library, but her excitement was obvious. "I find A History to be such a fascinating look at Aes Sedai influence. But it's always important to remember that history rewrites itself. For example, Bonwhin Meraighdin was deposed and stilled because her attempts at manipulating Hawkwing caused harm to the Tower.
"But really, were her sins so great to deserve stilling? After all, the manipulations of Aes Sedai can be seen scattered everywhere throughout history, and not all of them were good. And yet Bonwhin suffered the most severe consequences."
She suddenly realized how long she had been blathering and abruptly cut herself off. "Have you finished it yet, Ravak? What did you think of it?"
Ravak noted how Mirin's tone switched suddenly, no doubt becoming aware of who she was talking to. This library, comprehensive as it was, seemed to have at least one noticeable gap in its records. When he was younger, Rav could remember reading a book of his father's on Artur Hawkwing. 'It was Andoran', his father had said, 'and that means it tells the truth'. At the time, he had just assumed that his father implied that it was an accurate history of the events that had occurred. Having spent a few days looking through various histories on Hawkwing, all of the books seemed to omit an event that had seared itself in the young Shienaran's memory. Artur Hawkwing had camped within sight of the Shining Walls of Tar Valon. That event had somehow led to Bonwhin Meraighdin's stilling in FY 992, although that book - and every other he had read - never explained the true reasons why. And now this Accepted just blurts it out? He kept rolling the ring in his hand, considering what words to use in response to Mirin's questions.
"Yes Accepted, I've finished reading it. I thought it was a near thorough account of the events that had unfolded during the High King's reign." If this was somehow a test, the Shienaran intended to pass it. "There's little detail of the events that occurred during the Free Years 963 to 986, revolts aside. Would you be able to recommend a source?" There, he thought, how do you like my test?
Mirin's eyes gleamed. Oh, she loved discussing Hawkwing! He was such a brilliant man. She moved to sit in the seat next to his, stepping over the white flakes on the ground in slight distaste. Briefly, she wondered if the man had a skin condition or if he simply needed better shampoo. Then, she took a deep breath, focusing on the conversation at hand.
"The Free Years 963 to 986. Very interesting times, I must say. The Free Year 963 marked the end of the Consolidation with the surrender of King Joal Ramedar of Aldeshar. The following years were termed the Peaceful Years. Many books skip over these years - after all, peacetime is boring - but in Free Year 975, Hawkwing laid siege to Tar Valon. If you search, not among histories of Hawkwing's conquests, but instead in the records of Bonwhin Meraighdin, there are dozens of accounts of this siege and the circumstances leading to it. That should cover these years quite thoroughly."
She paused, assessing Ravak's reaction, and then continued.
"I applaud you for your curiosity, Ravak. The time period that you asked about, well, few are interested in how well Hawking governed. Instead, they're more interested in Hawkwing as a conqueror. But Hawkwing's legacy wouldn't be possible if he didn't perform both functions well. Not only did he possess a great military mind, but he was also a fantastic ruler. He took care of his people. This makes his sudden death in Free Year 994 all the more distressing. And I know that there's some speculation among the common folk that Darkfriends, or perhaps Aes Sedai, were responsible."
Her questions were sudden, and sharp. "Ravak, as a Drin, what do you think about the manipulative nature of Aes Sedai? If you become a Warder, would you chafe under that yolk? Would you be able to keep silent, even if the one who bonded you turned out to be another Bonwhin?"
Ravak was fascinated by the questions. He would have possibly expected this from Katrie, as well as from Betrys, but not from Mirin. Admittedly, he knew very little about this Accepted compared to what he knew of the other women.
A very Shienaran answer rolled off Rav's tongue in response to Mirin's last words. "If I was bonded to an Amyrlin Seat, the Light illumine her, it would be my honour to serve without question." He wasn't going to let any doubts about his loyalty get in the way of things. "Although, I would be a little astonished to find myself bonded with a Red." He didn't feel the need to clarify which version of Red he meant with that.
"The manipulative nature of Aes Sedai? May I speak freely?" He wasn't going to allow himself to say something objectionable without some assurance of leniency. The Cairhienin nodded. "I think most people try their hand at manipulation, to different degrees. Even a child will lie to their parent about something bad they did, and that's a scheme of sorts. I'm not going to tar every Aes Sedai and Asha'man with the same brush and label them all as manipulators. Despite the First Oath, some will be more honest and plain-spoken than others. I'm sure there are non-channelling players of Daes Dae'mar who are more canny than certain channellers." He watched for any sign that she was trying to play Daes Dae'mar with him. "As I said, I'm not going to brand the Aes Sedai with a simple word, and say they are all manipulative."
"As for chafing under an Aes Sedai, I would like to think I'll be able to use my own good judgement not to fall into any traps. I imagine a good number of Novices and Accepted will be full sisters by the time I earn my cloak, and I intend to learn as much about each of them as I can before them. Learn about the woman, before they become another manipulative Aes Sedai." He smirked when saying those last three words. "Which brings me to a question, Accepted. You seem to know my name, but I don't know yours?" That was a lie, but she had failed to introduce herself. Maybe she was destined for the Brown, her nose caught in a book more often than not, blissfully unaware of the events going around her. Rav didn't think that he would chafe under a Brown sister's bond.
Mirin fought back laughter. The corners of her mouth twitched. Oh, what a wonderful answer!
She noticed his eyes scan her carefully when he mentioned Daes Dae'mar. Internally, she smirked. She had been taught that Daes Dae'mar was always being played, even if you thought it wasn't. If Ravak was waiting for a sign of Daes Dae'mar from her - well, that was already a mistake. Even though she had not grown up as well-bred as a certain Cairhienin novice, Mirin knew the Great Game as well as any Cairhienin and had played the commoners' version as a girl in Cairhien.
"My name is Mirin Ronaile," she said primly. "I learned your name from the librarian. It's a pleasure to meet you." She smiled, a rare genuine smile, and tossed her hair prettily.
"Those are some very insightful statements about the nature of manipulation. Yet if you are relying simply on your own good judgment to avoid an unhappy partnership, well, many intelligent and watchful people still find themselves trapped. Perhaps there's some novices or Accepted whom you have questions about. And perhaps I can provide you with a new perspective. So, Ravak, how about it? Who are you interested in...?"
Ravak leaned back into the chair, doing a poor job of hiding the wince that came from the soon-to-be bruises along his shoulderblades. Mirin Ronaile. He had anticipated her to answer with 'Accepted Mirin', what with her spiny demeanour the day before. Instead she was all smiles, and that flick of her hair... Ah, peace! Wrapped within his own hubris, he wondered whether that little display Mirin had put on in front of himself and Katrie was driven by envy. The last thing he needed was another reason for the Mistress of Training to upbraid him. Ubriel had called them 'romantic entanglements'. A good cause to get kicked out of the Tower, more than likely.
The young Shienaran didn't realise he was scratching away at his scalp until the loose motes of skin drifted down into his vision. With some haste, he scrubbed them off his uniform. A tad sheepishly, he looked back up at Mirin. "I can't say there is anyone. Not that it would be proper at any rate." He thought he caught a touch of amusement around the Cairhienin's grey eyes. Oh burn it. Still caught up thinking of 'romantic entanglements', he had answered the wrong question. "Betrys. And Katrie," he blurted, attempting to cover up his momentary lapse of judgement. "I mean, they are the only two people I've really spoken to. Outside of the Warder Yards, that is." Rav wasn't quite sure that was a satisfactory answer, nor necessarily the sort of answer the Accepted was looking for, but that was that.
He shifted tact, in an attempt to swing any balance of power back in his favour. "If I can't rely on my own judgement, then on whose judgement can I trust? Or am I meant to trust any brother or sister of the Grey Tower, due to the Oaths?" Of course, he had already dismissed that as a possibility.
Glancing at his hands, he had once again acted unconsciously, twisting the golden ring on his shorn finger in an attempt to ease some of the tension. Setting his jaw, he watched Mirin, waiting for her response.
A corner of Mirin's mouth quirked upward. She leaned towards him, her voice dropping in volume as though confiding a secret.
"Of course there isn't anyone. As you said, that would not be proper. Yet you ask about Betrys and… Katrie? Would that be Aikaterine? Hmm… yes, I see."
Betrys. Her roommate and friend. Mirin could not count the number of times she had buried her face in Betrys' skirts and sobbed her heart out. She loved Betrys like a sister - or even closer, as they've shared moments that would not be shared between sisters. Then there was Katrie. The scion of House Riatin of Cairhien, and one of her very first students of saidar. A pretty girl, with doe-like eyes and a willowy figure. She had heard rumors, soft whispers, that Katrie would flirt with anything that moved, but those were just rumors and they did not take away from her pride for the novice.
Her fingers of her right hand stroked the spine of Essays, although the other clutched the book with a white-knuckled grip.
"I am very fond of both of them," she said, lightly. "You have good taste."
She folded her hands in her lap, over the book, and then observed him thoughtfully. His question about trust was very complicated. Truthfully, she had only said it so that he would tell her the names of the girls he had spoken to. But it would not be proper to admit it.
"I assume that we're still speaking of finding a bondmate. Well, in that case it would be prudent to seek advice from someone you trust. Someone who is not blinded by emotions and knows you well enough to speak wisely. The trouble is finding a person who is worthy of that trust."
No one is worthy of that trust, she thought bitterly. She casually flipped open Essays and looked down at it. Instead of words on the page, she saw Emmond's face, handsome but cruel. The opposing page displayed Rhykana with all her dangerous beauty and dismissive air. Below her was Lydarian; sweet face, kind eyes, and evil smile. And as though from a far distance, she heard Aria Sedai's voice whisper: "You will do nothing without my explicit approval. Do you understand me, child? Your work… is mine."
Suddenly she felt very tired.
She spoke quietly, half aloud to herself. "Do you ever wonder what the bond feels like? To have someone feel your feelings. To have someone know where you are at all times. I do not know all the details of a bond. Perhaps there is more. Perhaps it is as strong as a pair of shackles. Or chains..."
Her voice trailed off and she shivered.
Rav wondered if he reading the signals off of Mirin incorrectly. She was bouncing around mood-wise, from happy to taciturn to morose. Katrie aside, Rav always thought that Accepted had their heads on right and their emotions properly trained. Maybe they are little better than Drin and novices. Not a thought he would say out loud, of course. Rav leaned forward, although not to quite the same degree as she had. He felt a touch worried, with the way she was now staring into the middle distance.
"I don't see why you are so concerned," he said in a compassionate tone. "As an Aes Sedai, you would be the one holding the shackles or chains. Although if you're thinking of it in those terms-" -then I certainly would never have you bond me- "-then I think you're thinking of it wrong. It is a Warder's duty to serve and protect their Aes Sedai. If they know how you feel, they can react to your needs better. If they know where you are, then they can always find you. It seems pragmatic, more than anything else."
Beyond that, Ravak didn't know much more about the bond than what the stories said. Maybe there were some truths better kept a secret until he was a Ji'alantin, although if Mirin knew little more than he, maybe he would have to wait until he had earned the fancloak before learning more.
Rav's thoughts returned back to Mirin's previous statement. "So you are saying I can't solely rely on my own judgement? I need a friend I can trust?" He fixed the Cairhienin with a questioning look. Was she implying herself, or was that as foolish a notion as the Accepted being envious. Ravak wasn't the straightest arrow in the quiver, but he did occasionally miss the truth.
It was pragmatic, he said. What could she say to that? How could she explain how tired she felt of being watched every day? There were things not worth giving up for a sense of safety. Freedom, for one. By herself, she could act however she pleased. The bond also required partnership and inherent trust between two people. She could not bear to know someone so intimately. It was too dangerous.
No. A bond would be more trouble than its worth. She preferred to work alone.
"I would not like to be tied in such a way to anyone. But let us agree to disagree," she said. "And perhaps we could move on to more pleasant conversation."
She crossed her legs primly under the skirt of her banded dress.
"An advisor is not necessarily a friend," she said, simply. "And anyone who tells you that you should not seek advice from others when you need it is a fool."
She snapped her book shut and stood. There was no way to concentrate now that her mind was distracted.
"This conversation has been riveting. But if I am to finish reading Essays at a reasonable hour, I should return to my room."
Mirin's mercurial temperament was impossible to follow, but she was another opportunity to learn more about those who wielded the Power. Or at the very least, she had another perspective that could shine a light on some mysteries. For someone looking to become a Warder, he still knew precious little about Aes Sedai. Just so long as she didn't become another Katrie, he could certainly abide her presence a little longer.
"Well then I appreciate that you are no fool, Accepted Mirin. Maybe one day I can seek your advice, when it comes to bonding?" The red-haired youth had no idea how she would take up that offer. "I maybe if you ever change your mind on the subject, I can offer some insight on my peers in the Warder Yards?"
"As for the book, you can sit here and read. I shan't disturb you, if you're worried." It was funny, how this conversation started with the Drin wanting to get back at the Accepted, and now he was asking her to sit with him. Funny, but entirely in keeping with how hard to found it to hold onto a grudge. He pulled the book on Jearom onto his lap, as if proof that he could sit in silence with another person present.
She sat back down, threw back her head, and laughed. His implication that she would ever seek to be bonded was too funny. And then she covered her mouth and peered about the Library carefully.
"Maybe one day," she agreed, struggling to stifle her giggles. "Very well, if you like… I'll stay. For a little longer."
And so the hours passed in companionable silence and the quiet rustling of pages.
