Fanfic:Of Choices (Saphire's Three Arches)
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The sky was dusky orange. To one who had no sense of saidar it would have seemed as if the orange of sunset had lit the fog that smothered the Mountains of Mist; but to even the lowest ranking novice the weaves of Spirit, Air, and Water that wove like threads through the fog would have been as clearly visible as the strands of hair on a cat's tail. No one save the weaver of the weather that night, however, saw how the sky changed so rapidly from cloudy, to clear, to raining, to snow, to lightning, and back to fog. The orange fog cleared and Saphire brought both cold and hot air together to swirl into a small tornado at first not large enough to lift more than a few leaves, then growing to be strong enough to lift a cottage. She stood back behind the ward and watched as her tornado swirled around the Channeling Yard. Since her first day in One Power Basics, Saphire had been determined to master every lesson she learned in the Tower.
The next three lessons, however, could not be prepared for. Three about her own nature, her own fears. Saraid Sedai appeared at the entrance of the Channeling Yard wearing her Green shawl. The novice quickly let go of the weave she was practicing and untied the ward. Saraid approached, but Saphire had already walked out to meet her halfway.
"Come, come. It's time." Saraid stood wearing her famed Aes Sedai calm. Something about her told Saphire that this was important. She held a ceremonial importance that was oddly familiar.
"What is it?" She asked, following as Saraid turned to the entrance of the Yard.
"Everyone is waiting, follow me." Saphire frowned slightly in question, but a part of her already knew where she was being led to. She followed the Mistress of the Novices past hallways and down stairs until they came to the Chamber of the Three Arches. Her mouth gaped open slightly. This room was fabled among the novices, although no words could capture the feelings she felt there. The domed room had been carved out of the bedrock of the mountains. The light from the lamps on tall stands reflected off of the pale, smooth stone walls. Centered under the dome was the three arched ter'angreal. The three silver arches were just tall enough to walk under, sitting on a thick silver ring with their ends touching each other, all as one piece. Inside the light flickered oddly, causing her to feel nauseated if she looked at it too long. Where the arch touched ring, an Aes Sedai sat cross-legged on the bare stone floor, staring at the silvery construction. Sedora Sedai of the Indigo Ajah, whom Saphire had never met but heard of sat at one intersection of the ter'angreal, a white sister Saphire did not recognize at the next, and Leanna who Saphire itched to talk to sat at the closest intersection. The woman who would soon be her step- only stared up at the ter'angreal, her gray shawl hung loosely around her shoulders. Three Aes Sedai stood beside a plain table on which sat three large silver chalices. All three were filled with clear water. A seventh sister closed the door through which she and Saraid had entered, the echo of their closing filled the room and still hung in Saphire's ears even as Saraid began to speak the words she knew so well, yet was still unprepared to hear.
"This ter'angreal as you know, brings you face-to-face with your greatest fears. No one will ask you what you have faced; you need tell no more than you wish. Every woman's fears are her own property." The words made sense. Their truth washed over her in waves, but were as chilling as the ocean. "No woman hears these words until she stands where you stand now, Saphire. Once you begin, you must continue until it is ended. If you refuse at any time between entering the first Arch and leaving the third, you will be put out of the Tower as though you had approached the Room of the Arches three times and each time refused." She remembered saying those same words when Saraid stood before her in novice white. No, that was mother. Not me. She reminded herself. Saraid paused, noticing the odd look as Saphire mentally chastised herself. She continued. "To seek, to strive, is to know danger. Some women have entered the Arches and never come out," her face was stony but slowly compassion softens her expression and sympathy colors her voice. Saphire caught the look, and the knot in her stomach only grew tighter. Her eyes glanced worriedly at the arches. "Even when the ter'angreal was quieted, they did not reappear. Not then, and never since. To survive, you must remain resolute. Falter once, and you will fail and . . ." She didn't finish the sentence but Saphire saw in her eyes the consequences of failure. "This is your last chance. You may refuse now, and it shall be counted as the first attempt. If you choose to go on . . . then there will be no turning back until you either return from the third Arch, or remain lost in the Arches for the rest of the Ages. It is no shame to refuse, many Aes Sedai could not face the Arches the first time. Choose child. Accept, or refuse."
A memory flashed of her standing here once before. No not here. That was the White Tower, and it was mother. Her mother had done this for Jaisen, faced her greatest fears for him and their future. She had stood and accepted the testing like the Daughter-heir herself. But she, Saphire . . . knew this was for herself, the defeat of the shadow which had split her family, and for the part of her life that had been missing since she was four years old. "I accept, Saraid." She bit her tongue at the assumed first-name basis. Bloody memories. Saraid's eyebrow quirked in question for only a moment, then she spoke. "Prepare yourself for the Arches." Without hesitation Saphire striped her clothing down to her stockings. She stood motionless, but the Brown sister holding her clothing didn't retreat. Reluctantly, Saphire removed the moonstone from her forehead and the chain holding her hair up. When it fell (making her blush more than being nude) Saphire wondered whether any of them knew of her family tradition. Only for family, very close friends, and the one you intend to marry. Her grandmother's words rippled through her mind as her waist-length raven hair touched her back. Saraid moved forward and the sister wearing the yellow stole met her, Saphire suddenly realized that the woman was the Keeper of the Chronicles. Her mouth dried up. Thank the Light I need not speak now.
"Whom do you bring with you, Sister?" Joaynna Sedai and the two Aes Sedai around the arches continued watching the ter'angreal. "One who comes as a candidate for Acceptance, Sister," The Mistress of the Novices replied just as formally. "Is she ready?" Joaynna Sedai asks. More memories flashed, but Saphire bit her tongue. "She is ready to leave behind what she was, and, passing through her fears, gain Acceptance." "Does she know her fears?" "She has never faced them, but now is willing." "Then let her face what she fears."
"The first time," Saraid said, "is for what was. The way back will come but once. Be steadfast." The floor felt cool under her feet, she could feel the seams in-between each stone on the floor. Goosebumps picked up all over her body in the cool chamber, but she still stared ahead, into the arches. She took a deep breath and stepped through the arch and into the glow. It surrounded her, as if the air itself was shining, surrounding her, drowning her in light. The light was everywhere, all around her. The light was everything.
"How is she?" She heard the words escape her mouth, but could not remember who she was asking about. She shook her head to rid herself of whatever daydream that had taken hold of her in that moment. Saphire stared at Kader as he leaned against the doorway, his eyes red and dry from tears of loss. He seemed to stare off into space barely hearing her words. His soft brown hair hung loosely around his face, his shirt rumbled, and his physique that was just beginning to grow into manhood slouched against the doorframe for support. Ilya's illness had been rough on him too. His glance slid to inside the room and Saphire, following his gaze, remembered what had happened. Kayla stirred medicine sadly as she sat by Ilya's bed, tears she had not bothered to wipe still clung to her chin. The old woman, nursemaid, and more of a mother than any of them had known whispered in fever dreams. Her thin white hair seemed nearly transparent against the pillows.
"Not good." Her twin barely whispered. "She keeps muttering about Whitecloaks, and her fever has yet to break. Even Kayla's medicine doesn't seem to help." The sadness that had worn his face made her own double fold; since birth they had been two halves of the same child.
Why does it feel like it's been years since I've seen him? Saphire frowned for only a moment before taking her brother's hand and squeezing it in comfort.
"How is she?" Saphire looked up to find their grandparents' worried looks.
She and Kader both answered "Not good." in unison, but this time found no amusement. They moved aside for Telam and Liah en'Damier to pass through the doorway and stand by the bed. They whispering soft prayers to the Light. Ilya was more than family to them all.
"Am I too late?"
The way back will come but once. Be steadfast.
Saphire turned her head and saw a woman she had never seen, yet somehow recognized. Her hair was honey-blond and tied into tight braids across her head with tiny jewels woven inside, much like Saphire's own hair dotted with pearls. The woman's clothing was Andorean and her eyes resembled Liah's. Her voice was soft and sweet, yet somehow turned Saphire's stomach.
With one hand placed along the wall, the her rings were exposed. Four white swans in flight. She is of the en'Damier house. Liah looked up, and her entire face was filled with joy and relief. Telam's face softened and tears welled up in this eyes. "Corrin?" Liah whispered and stretched out her arms. Corrin passed by the twins and embraced her parents. Kader, Saphire, and Kayla only looked from one to the other in confusion and watched the reunion in puzzlement and wonder.
"It's been so long daughter." Telam kissed his daughter's cheeks. "We had thought you'd been lost with your sister, so many years ago."
"Over twenty years father." Corrin's eyes glistened, but their sadness did not seem sincere. "I've come home, and to help."
"KILL HER!!" Ilya screamed at the sight of Corrin and then lapsed into unconsciousness. The room fell into an awkward silence. After a moment, Corrin approached the children of the family.
"You must be Kader and Saphire." Her smile spread wide, but was more sticky than sweet. Saphire watched her brother as his eyes darted to their grandparents' faces and back to his aunt. "I am Corrin en'Damier. Your mother was my sister." Saphire's stomach turned again. Something is wrong.
"Pleased to meet you." Kader bowed his head dutifully, and spread a fake smile. "I am Kader Davram . ." Corrin's mouth twisted at the name for only a second then resumed the shape of a smile.
"So you have taken your, father's name." She said thoughtfully. "How . . . nice for you." She turned to Kayla and that same twist spread across her lips. "And you must be Kayla. I've heard so much about you and your healing abilities. It's good we've finally met." She smiled once again at Saphire. "And Saphire. I have waited a long time to see you. I've come to help Ilya, but I will need your aid."
Saphire swallowed. "What . . er, would you need my help with? I know not half as much as Kayla about healing."
"That will be explained in a moment, but first I need to talk to you alone."
She bowed her head to Telam and Liah. "If you will excuse me, mother, father." Their delighted faces only smiled as Corrin escorted Saphire out the door.
The way back will come but once.
Saphire frowned as if she had heard something, like whisper over her shoulder. "I'm sorry, what did you say aunt?"
"Where is your room child?" Corrin sung sweetly.
Saphire nodded and led her around the corner and past two doors with paintings between them. "In here." Corrin ducked inside. The gems in her hair chimed and her red skirts swished as she surveyed the room. "Ah, here it is." She said under her breath as she found the jewel case. Saphire reached out her hand to stop her, but Corrin???tho' they had just met???was of higher rank. Decorum instructed that Corrin had higher rank. Saphire bit her tongue as her aunt searched through her most precious possessions. Finally Corrin raised a moonstone in the air, examined it, smiled to herself, and clasped the it in her palm. Mother's stone . . Saphire itched to snatch it away. The only thing I have of her, what does she want with it?
"Now where were we child?" Corrin's thumb rubbed against the stone in thought. "Ah yes, Ilya." She found a seat on Saphire's bed and patted the space next to her. Saphire obediently sat next to her. "I trust you have heard of the One Power, yes?" As Corrin held the stone, Saphire's attention was locked on her aunt. She explained about the White Tower and how corrupt it had become, and how the newer Grey Tower had been born out of corruptness because the taint flowed through its very walls. Her very father had been a "so-called" Asha'man. Her mouth twisted again. "But you are an en'Damier, born of a noble line. I am sure you can be steered into the right direction. But that is for later. I've come to save Ilya and then train you to use your talent. You will one day meet my sisters. They work outside of the Towers." She saw right through Saphire. "Have you channeled yet?"
Saphire's mouth dropped open. "I can channel?"
Be steadfast . .
"But of course! You are born of two very powerful channelers. This moonstone, in-fact, was meant to trigger your talent. Only I'm afraid that when your mother made it, she was in haste and didn't think that it would cause you to use saidar before you could be trained, or even worse, that it would lead you to the Grey Tower. Your brother must be helped too someday I'm afraid."
Slowly Saphire's thoughts came around. Corrin made sense. No wonder her grandparents had sheltered them all from Aes Sedai for so long. They were untrustworthy, deceiving, and manipulative. She had been told since early childhood of how Sarine Sedai had corrupted her mother, only to later end up married to an insane man with no noble blood in his veins. But Corrin was family, and not of the White or Grey Towers. She must know what is best. "What does this have to do with Ilya tho'." Her voice choked. "She's dying."
Corrin's eyes softened. She hid her smile as she cooed. "That is why I need your help. If we link, we can both save Ilya. I can't do it alone."
Something in Saphire screamed to not trust Corrin, but she could not recall why. She shook her head. Nonsense. She is only trying to help. Saphire nodded agreement, trying to hold back the tears. Corrin smiled and hugged her niece, but behind her back she grinned like a snake sinking her teeth into prey. They rose and moved through the hallway to Ilya's chamber.
Saphire knelt by the bed. The household remained quiet. Kader and Kayla sat on one side, and the grandparents on the other. Corrin stood behind Saphire and spoke. "Now child open yourself . ."
The way back will come but once. Be steadfast.
A light caught Saphire's eye. She looked up and saw a glittering silver arch just beyond the bed. For a moment she thought she had died and the Creator awaited just beyond. None of the others seemed to see the arches. Ilya was still breathing laboriously, and the rest sat with their heads bowed. Memories flooded back. Saphire looked at Ilya and wanted to collapse as she remembered the loss. Corrin's fingers dug into her shoulders.
The way back will come but once.
The words rung in her ears, even as Saphire rose. Corrin tried to subtly push her down. "I know you are scared child, just embrace . . "
"No . . no, I can't. I have to go."
Liah frowned furiously. "Where are you going?" She stood with her nose flaring. "Don't you know that Ilya is dying?!!" Even Kader looked at her in puzzled disapproval. The entire family looked at her in disgust. "How could you Saphire?" Telam roared. " You are being selfish." Ilya's heavy breaths had begun to grow fewer between. Corrin still tried to push Saphire down even as her heart sunk to the floor.
"NO, I have to go NOW!" Saphire threw off Corrin's grip and slapped her. The full flash of memories returned. Black Ajah Her mother seemed to whisper beyond the grave. She saw now why Corrin held the moonstone so tightly. A red welt appeared across Corrin's cheek, and her calm mask fell.
Fire lit in her aunt's eyes and suddenly Saphire could sense her embrace saidar. Counting on surprise, Saphire slammed a shield in place against Corrin's talent. Though her eyes widened in horror, Corrin still reached out for Saphire.
The way back will come but once. Be steadfast.
"I'm sorry!!" Saphire screamed as she turned her back on Ilya's death. She stepped through the arch and was engulfed in white light so pure it burned like acid.
Saphire stepped out of the light and into the chamber. Struggling to raise her eyes, she realized she was exactly where she stood before. Everything was as she remembered, the chamber, the arches, the sisters, everything. But what had happened inside the ter'angreal had changed her forever. She had not thought that her grandparents had been hit with the loss of daughters twice and now a grandchild, nor had she realized how much she missed her half-sister and brother. But worst of all . . the realization that she could have helped to save Ilya's life . . the thought stung her like a slap in the face. And Corrin . . Thank the light she never found me. Saphire's hands were shaking as she stood before the arch. She could have been brought into the Black Ajah, and her mother's memories could have belonged to the Dark One.
Saphire felt herself follow Saraid to Rashenne Sedai. She kneeled absently and waited as the Keeper raised a silver chalice and poured the chilling water over Saphire's head. "You are washed clean of what sin you may have committed, and of those committed against you. You come to us washed clean and pure, heart and soul." The chilled water made Saphire shiver as it ran down her bare body. Her hairs stood on end as Goosebumps ran down her spine. A small pool collected on the floor and seeped into the cracks the stones.
Saphire stiffly rose as Saraid led her to the second arch, a look of relief showed clearly on her face. "You are doing well child. You came back, that means you are doing well. I hope you have enough courage to face what is to come." She wondered if Saraid said that to every novice, or if she felt relief to see Amora's daughter pass.
"It was . . so real, so real." Saphire shook her head. "I could see them, smell everything so clearly. It was so much more vivid than a dream. Was it?" Saphire asked unsteadily as they approached the arch.
"No one knows child, no one knows. Some have come out bearing actual wounds taken from inside, others have been hurt badly and come out without a scratch. Although emotional wounds always stay. Remember, some never return. I believe that it is another world, like one you enter you touch a portal stone. But whether the people and places are not real, the danger is." They had reached the arch, and the glow began to surround them. Saraid kissed Saphire's forehead where the moonstone usually lay and moved back, leaving Saphire to stand alone before the arch.
"The second time is for what is. The way back will come but once. Be steadfast." Saphire summoned up all of her courage before entering the arch. Some have never returned?
A gleeman with a cloak as many colors as the fields of flowers surrounding Whitebridge mounted the stage. He grinned knowingly, already accustomed to the likes and dislikes of the cozy inn as he pulled out a guitar. His voice rose and sung of family and long lost memories of childhood. The patrons Band of Brother's Inn, although, barely heard the music above their own voices in chatter. Saphire sipped her ale and kicked up her feet upon an empty seat at her table. The informal atmosphere here soothed her, a realized atmosphere compared to the Tower. A novice could be sent to the gardens for being caught coming here, but once inside, all were equals. She winked at a nearby WiT. Always a good place for catching future Warders. She smiled as he winked back.
"So this is where you've run to." A familiar voice spoke just behind her ear. In a flash Saphire's knifes were out of her sleeves and in her palms. She simultaneously kicked the chair away and stood to face the speaker. A few faces turned at the noise, but for only a moment. Saphire's mouth dropped, and her blades soon followed. "Kader?" His mouth spread in the same grin as hers. He bowed mock-formally. His hair was combed back properly, his Andorean clothing brushed dry of dust, and his sigil rings sparkled. "It's been so long . . have a seat." She hid her blades up her sleeve again and pulled a chair out for him. She waved a serving girl over to serve her twin ale. "You should try this, I'd never had common ale before coming to the Tower. Tell me, tell me, what are you doing here?" Saphire could hardly contain her excitement. A sad look flashed through Kader's eyes. His head bowed as he regained his composure, then rose to meet her eyes. His eyes were soft blue . . she had always wondered if they were the color their father's had been before they had turned golden. Saphire frowned. Sadness? "It's not Kayla is it? What's wrong?" Kader tried to hide his emotions as the serving girl filled his tumbler, but Saphire knew him too well. She knew him as well as she knew herself. She suddenly remembered how most of the world felt about channelers. "Did you . ."
Kader nodded and gulped the ale. "I set one of grandfather's ships on fire." Saphire's eyes widened. "He threw me out of the house. He said he'd have no dragon's fang carved on his door, no madmen in the family." Her eyes softened. She put her hand on his arm in sympathy. He put his on top of hers. "It's odd. Grandfather and Grandmother were so upset when you left. They cried for weeks, they talked about losing two daughters and now you." He choked back the tears and drowned himself in ale. "But they threw me out when they found I could channel."
Something pulled at Saphire's memory. Something about being born of two channelers. How did I know Kader could too? "I hope you didn't run into . . our aunt." Saphire bit her lip. Did he know she was Black Ajah?
"Aunt Corrin? You know as well as I do that she hasn't been seen in years. Not since mother left for the White Tower. But why do you ask about her?"
"I've . . found out more about her since I've come here." Saphire hesitated. If the Tower knew . . would they think the en'Damier family were Darkfriends? She whispered. "There is so much you don't know. This moonstone, for example, mother put her memories into it. She told me through it that her sister, our aunt, is Black Ajah. I was worried . . " She breathed. " . . that she had found you. But I am glad you made it safe to the Tower. I'm sure everyone here will be glad to train you too."
Kader's face turned stony. His jaw set as his teeth clenched together. "I didn't come here to join the Grey Tower." His mouth twisted around the name. "I came here to save you. To bring you to the light." He placed his hands firmly on the table.
The way back will come but once. Be steadfast. Saphire frowned in puzzlement. "What in the light are you talking about?"
Kader's nose wrinkled. "You talk of the light and are trained by witches?" He sighed. "No matter. It's not too late." He finished his ale and laid his cards on the table. "I did not know that our aunt is a Darkfriend, but it just goes to show. You know our mother was a witch, and our father a madman. When I was thrown out of our house, I realized what I had become. I had fallen into the grips of the Dark One. But I have found the light. I am here to bring you to the light with me, to prevent you from following our parents' path to darkness. This is my salvation. I have my orders."
"Orders? Salvation? Bring me to the light? What are you bloody talking about Kader?" Saphire's voice rose and she realized that people were staring. She bit her tongue and rose, she motioned her brother outside and away from prying eyes. "What has happened to you?"
"I can see you don't understand. They have warped your mind. No matter, I will explain." He made a motion with his fingers and two men wearing all white emerged from the shadows. One was wearing a sunburst with a shepherd's crook. Saphire backed against the wall. "You see sister. Commander Zhar found me in my delirious state. He brought me to the light."
He leaned in closer, and she saw that the taint had truly taken him. Madness showed in his eyes. "You have a chance to save yourself Saphire. Come with me to the Light, or they will take you." He cocked his head toward the two men behind him who stood impatiently.
"Lad, you are wasting your time. She is a witch. She should be questioned." One Whitecloak unsheathed his sword.
"One minute. I want to give her a chance to come to the light on her own."
Saphire swallowed. Her knives lay just inside her sleeves. She could stab him and run. But . . Kader was her other half. They were born together and grown in the same house. Everything he feels, I feel . . how could I kill myself like that? Tears ran down her cheeks.
"Sister." Kader cooed. "I know what they must have done to you. You have a chance now. Come with me, and I will protect you. I promise." The same softness she had known so well emanated behind his eyes. He really thinks he's saving me . .
The way back will come but once. Be steadfast.
The words echoed again, and the arch returned. Only a few paces away, and she'd be free. Saphire met Kader's pleading eyes. Her own emerald eyes shed tears which fell from her cheeks. Do I have to abandon him, again? The question rang in her mind. Images of him wearing white with the yellow sunburst, fighting the madness within himself while slaying those less gifted than he. If I could turn him, let him see the Tower for what it really is . . The arch flickered, it was almost gone.
Some have never returned.
Saphire kissed her brother's cheek, and then fled. She heard the sound of swords swinging through the air, shouting, calling in the name of the light. She knew that those of the Tower who had been in the Inn must be outside by now, perhaps slaying her only brother. Her heart wrenched at his pain. She stepped into the arch without looking back.
Saphire ran through the arch. She found the floor and simply lay there, the tears streaming from her eyes. My own brother, my own twin. Her sobs racked her body. "I left him to be slaughtered by my friends, taken by madness. He only wanted to save me." She whispered between gasps. She was barely aware of Saraid's hand on her shoulder. Vaguely she realized that the Mistress of the Novices was checking if she needed healing. Slowly, slowly, Saphire made it to standing. Every Aes Sedai was watching her. Saraid took her by the elbow and lead her gently to Rashenne Sedai. She spoke softly. "Kneel child. You've earned this." Saphire bent to her knees, she knew not whether the liquid she felt was from the second chalice or her own tears.
"You are washed clean of false pride. You are washed clean of false ambition. You come to us washed clean, in heart and soul."
Saphire barely felt the water trickling down her body, even though it made her shiver. Kader's maddened death screams still rung in her ears. The Yellow sister stepped back and Saraid motioned her to follow. Saphire's grief showed openly as she looked at the Mistress of the Novices.
"It was bad, wasn't it child?" Saphire nodded silently, unable to speak. Genuine concern showed in Saraid's face. "I fear to tell you that the third arch is the worst one, the hardest one."
"My brother." Saphire gulped back the tears. "I left him behind. We've always been together." She stared into Saraid's eyes, the flames of accusation burned behind her eyes. For the first time she questioned whether it was the right choice to come to the Tower. "You are telling me that abandoning my own soul is not harder than what is to come?"
"I don't know child, but I fear you will find out soon." Saphire's glare turned back to the arch. Saraid Sedai spoke. "The Wheel weaves as the Wheel wills. You must be able to face what will come if you wish to be raised. Are you ready?" Saphire nodded, awaiting the final words before facing whatever challenge the future would bring. "The third time is for what will be. The way back will come but once. Be steadfast." Fire burned behind Saphire's eyes. Her determination was locked. Even if she wished to leave the Tower, she knew she could not live without knowing what awaited her inside. She stepped through the last arch and into the light. It blinded her like the sun.
"Here they come. Perhaps we can glide by." Alondra shouted as softly as she could over the wind. Saphire stood in confusion. She looked around in a confused haze trying to remember where she was. "What are you waiting for?" Alondra frowned at her. She suddenly realized that they were both older, she could feel the Great Serpent ring around her finger and sensed her Warders standing not far away. The Seanchan She recalled. They were alone save Saphire's Warders and the crew of the Windrunner their mission now interrupted by the approaching Seanchan ship. She remembered the plan and hastily embraced saidar. A thick fog engulfed their tiny ship. Alondra let go of the weaves of air; they both knew that whatever damane on the other ship could easily sense them two Aes Sedai Cloud Dancing. The ship grew silent except for Charly and Senne who drew closer around Saphire, they felt like wolves with teeth baring their teeth against danger.
A burning ball of fire hurled through the mist. For a moment the water that had clung in the air had burned away as the fire seared toward the ship. One of the minor masts caught fire, soon it would fall. Alondra struggled to put out the fire with saidar now that their cover had been blown. From behind her Warders Saphire could only see silhouettes of the Seanchan working busily aboard the ship. She hastily wove a giant wall of air in attempt to push the ship away. Only resort to violence as a last resort. The words of one of her teachers rung in her ears. But at this rate, Saphire knew, the last resort wasn't far away. Another fireball shot through, this time through her shield and nearly hitting Saphire's side of the ship. The moonstone on her forehead began to curiously grow cold, but in the fit of the moment Saphire had to ignore the sensation. Another fireball hit the main mast, and this time Alondra was unable to put it out. Saphire clenched her teeth. The Seanchan ship was drawing closer, she knew if they boarded they would have to fight by hand.
A fleet of ships emerged from the mist, and Saphire's jaw dropped open. There is no way two Aes Sedai can handle this many ships. In desperation she wove a hurricane in the distance. A last resort. The words echoed in her mind. She saw that Alondra was trying to weave the winds to catch their already torn sails, but to no avail. Senne backed Saphire away from the front of the ship and Charly aimed his bow and arrow at the nearest ship. The hurricane drew closer, already three ships in the distance had been torn apart, but Saphire knew that if it came much closer the Windrunner would sink too. She prayed . .
The way back will come but once. Be steadfast.
A smaller mast fell and crushed Alondra's foot. Her painful scream shot through Saphire's ears, but still she steered the hurricane. Fireballs shot overhead, nearly missing her by a cubit. Senne drew his sword in preparation. Charly was submerged in a wave that overtook the railing. He only blinked and still shot arrows at the nearest ship.
Then everything slowed. Within a blink, Saphire saw Charly block a fireball, but his clothing caught fire. He dropped to roll, but the fires would not be put out. Tears streamed down Saphire's face as she felt his pain and her own loss. Charly had been a good friend. Within moments, he lay still, the fire still caressing his body.
With surprising strength she pushed Senne aside. She strode to the bow of the ship and peered through the mist. I want to see the face of one who killed my Warder and injured Alondra.
Saphire blinked. Her heart sunk. She wanted to die. There, beyond the translucent mist, she saw a woman at the end of an a'dam in dark gray. Her raven black hair was cut short, her skin pale, and her face . . it was as if she were looking into a mirror. Even tears could not come to her eyes. She knew that the woman's eyes must emerald like hers, and drowning in the same tears.
Mother . .
She knew at that moment, that she would die soon. Her life-long mission to find her. The moonstone must have become cool in the presence of its maker channeling. But I didn't want, didn't expect . . this. The word "damane" rung through her mind. She had finally discovered what had happened to Amora Sedai, now a slave of the Seanchan. Perhaps remembering her children and former life, or perhaps so full of pain that the memories were erased. Saphire never knew.
She slumped against the railing, barely hearing Alondra's screams or feeling Senne shaking her. She knew distantly that they were trying to wake her from this dream. "I can't, I can't. It is my mother." Senne didn't seem to hear her. He urged her, pushed her. Slowly he hoisted her up, and she saw that her hurricane had gone astray. The ships were closing in. Even the worst storm she could conjure would not save them.
This shouldn't have happened, it would be better if she hadn't existed before today. Saphire thought absently, unable to confront where her life-long dream had led. She swallowed, and without thinking, only seeing how close their deaths were to come and where she had led them all with her mad search, she acted. Saphire touched a talent she had never allowed herself to acknowledge before. She opened herself up to the True Source and felt saidar fill her being. The she drew the euphoric light until her near-breaking point. The very essence of the One Power, all five elements, shot through in a blinding beam of white light no thicker than her wrist. She saw her mother scream. And then she was gone. Everything was gone.
The way back will come but once. Be steadfast.
Only an after-image of the fleet remained before her before Saphire blinked. When her eyes opened the sky was clear and the waters smooth with no ships in sight. Alondra, Senne, and Charly stood before her, their mouths gaping open in shock. Saphire stared madly at her hands. What have I done?? she asked herself historically.
In seeming answer, Alondra spoke. "You . . you used Balefire." Shock turned to fear, and fear to anger. Saphire knew it was forbidden, even to save their lives. She could barely feel as her own Warders came to restrain her.
I want to die.
The way back will come but once. Be steadfast.
A sliver arch appeared not three cubits away. Self loathing boiled inside her soul. Numbly, Saphire stumbled into the arch. She never knew what made her pass through with the knowledge of her own forbidden talent and where her obsession could lead.
Saphire only stared as she was lead to kneel before the Amyrlin. I can make Balefire. She thought venomously. I should be locked up like a Darkfriend, but instead they will present me with a Great Serpent ring. The weight of her crime hung heavy over her shoulders.
Naked, Saphire kneeled before the Keeper and Amyrlin. "It is no simple thing to face your fears child. You did well. You came back. But there is always a price for gaining acceptance." Saraid's words hung in her ears. She wished to speak, to tell what was tormenting her so. But that was the price. If anyone knew that she had used Balefire, and inside the Three Arches . . Saphire shuddered at the thought. She barely noticed the circle of Aes Sedai or the chilling water that flowed down her body. "You are washed clean of Saphire en'Damier of Whitebridge. You are clean of all the ties that bind you to the world. You come to us washed clean, in heart and soul. You are Saphire en'Damier, Accepted of the White Tower." Saphire wanted to laugh at the word "clean". She knew her soul was damned, as was her life-long wish. Mother, if I pursue you, what will happen to those I care about? The Amyrlin slipped the Great Serpent ring onto Saphire's finger and helped her to stand. Saphire stood shivering, but not from the water. Tears streamed down her cheeks which the Amyrlin kissed. "Welcome, Daughter," she said seeing the sadness in her eyes. "Welcome."
