Fanfic:Nykkolaia's Three Arches
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Once. Her chance had come once.
Her choking whimpers had fallen silent only a few hours ago, and had left Nykkolaia raw in every facet. Her mind had dulled from the pain and concentration required to not scream, and her body was exhausted beyond the point that any person could truly know until they had experienced it themselves. Nykk didn't imagine anything, any more, but if she did she would have imagined that not many people had ever found themselves facing that level of deep down body fatigue.
There was a steady dripping noise coming from somewhere in the room. Nykk swallowed and then choked down another whimper as her parched throat ached from the gesture, and then the reaction. Tears seeped from the corners of her eyes, but she forced herself to open them.
In the corner, a single lantern guttered. Her chest rose and fell with pained awareness of her own heart beat and breathing as she looked for the source of the dripping noise. Why did it matter? She looked anyways. Eyes wandered to the ceiling to see if water fell from it. Sometimes it did that. Often it splattered her in the face, and she would turn her head and let it hit her cheek. She would wait. Eventually it would stop.
Early on, she would feel like she would crawl out of her skin if that dripping didn't stop right that instant, but now... she endured.
She endured.
Today - or tonight, she no longer knew the passage of days - the dripping wasn't hitting her on the face and it didn't seem to be coming from above. It sounded like it came from somewhere lower than that. She glanced to either side and saw that the leather bands over her arms and waist had been removed at some point between the pain and now. She was able to push herself up on to her elbows.
One arm shrieked in pain and she fell back against the wooden table with a muffled cry. She lifted her right hand, which trembled with the great effort, and saw it in the dim and unreliable light. A red color stood out to her and she knew that skin was not supposed to be that color, nor was it supposed to look like the face of a pond when air bubbles repeatedly drifted to the surface, over-lapping and exploding to the air.
Strange, she thought. Shouldn't that hurt?
Wait. It did hurt. Right. What had she been doing again? Oh yes, looking for the source of the dripping noise. Pain was irrelevant if he was not here to tell it to.
Nykk pushed herself up again, keeping her weight off her right side. Her eyes traveled downward over her thin frame and sweat-soaked shift. Her feet looked like pale strips in the faint light, the shapes wavering in the unpredictable light. The flame danced and made her vision swim along with it, but she focused with what she had left to see her right foot in its iron band. If she shifted it, even weakly, the chain rattled and the dripping was disrupted.
Oh, there... the dripping was coming from her foot. When had her foot been hurt? She couldn't even remember. She shifted her leg again, testing the theory against the complaining shots of pain that competed against each other for which one could reach the top first.
Something different happened this time. The chain shuddered and the manacle... broke. It fell apart and dropped to the stone floor with a tremendous clattering noise that sent twinges through Nykkolaia's entire body. She tensed with the noise and winced with tension. It was a cascade effect that forced more tears from her eyes, but with the blood and the sweat and the tears that she had already spent, where was it that her body could find anything more with which to cry? Had not her tears run dry yet?
When the pain subsided, she experimentally pulled her knees up with agonizing slowness. She didn't know what she intended to do, but she did it anyways.
Something wasn't right. As she pulled her legs up, she tried to figure out what this strange sensation in her mind was. It was probably nothing but the exhaustion. Her manacle had fallen apart, and she felt like there was something she should be doing about that and yet whatever it was didn't come to mind. He was not here to command it. Her mind remained blank.
There was a flash of silver from up the stair case. What was that?
The way back will come but once. Be steadfast.
Words filtered into her mind. Who had spoken them? The voice was familiar and the knowledge that came with the words slowly began to slip in. The way back, and it would only come once and so she had to reach that flash of light. It was silver, like the... like the... like the arch. It was the arch, and it was the way out.
Nykk began to turn on the table and lower her feet to the floor. A whimper she couldn't control slipped from her lips as she set her feet down and put her weight on them. The stairs were just a few steps away and if she could just make it there and up the stairs, and then she would be all right. She had to be steadfast.
From the other side of the room, a golden light grew behind her.
"Stop." The voice was stern. Nykkolaia stopped. Her body froze and began to tremble, while her heart pounded even harder. How was that even possible? "Where do you think you're going? You will return to the table this instant." Master's voice was one that would brook no refusal and no argument.
It comes but once...
Blue eyes remained on the staircase, where the silver flash of light came. Her feet began to step back against her will, as though her feet alone would carry her back to the table on the order of her Master while some small part of her own will tried to carry her forward.
Be steadfast!
"Master, forgive me," Nykkolaia sobbed with abruptness and then catapulted herself forward, stumbling and scrambling on bloody, painful feet as she used her injured and scarred hands to help carry her up the stairs and through the arch. She fell out the other side, trembling and sweat slicked, sobbing and begging for forgiveness.
Warmth slid over her skin like she was pulling on a dress of soft fabric. Why did she think that she would be cold? The weather in the gardens was beautiful and she was feeling fine. Why did she think that she would be in pain? How strange her mind was, she thought and tried to brush the feeling away. She had studying to do, and was expected at her next class. She could not disappoint her teacher by dallying over strange thoughts.
"Nykk!"
It was Celia's voice. The other Novice jogged up to Nykkolaia and then fell into step with her, as they walked towards the class that they were both in. She had her book and parchment clutched to her chest and her usual vibrant grin on her face. In all honesty, Nykk envied the girl, who could be so happy about everything.
"Why do you hurry everywhere?" Celia asked with a teasing grin. Her dark eyes danced in the usual way as she looked side long at her roommate while they walked onward.
Nykkolaia shook her head and the corners of her mouth tilted up slightly. "I don't want to be late," she said and that was usually the response. Celia already knew that, but she always liked to ask. For some reason, which Nykk still couldn't figure out, Celia found Nykkolaia's insistence in adhering to the rules and schedules amusing, despite the fact that all Novices ultimately did the same. Who wanted to be punished, after all?
"Light!" Celia exclaimed, bringing Nykk up short. "What was that?" she demanded, pointing her finger at Nykk's face.
Uncertain, Nykk's eyes widened slightly and her spare hand gingerly touched her face with a look of concern. "What?"
Celia grinned. "You smiled. I saw it!"
Nykkolaia's shoulders slumped back to their usual position and she shook her head, resuming her walk on the way to class. "Celia," she said with quiet admonishment for startling her like that. (If only her roommate knew what a step forward that was for her.)
"What?" Celia exclaimed with a laugh. "I say that this is a day for celebration. My morose roommate actually smiled and her face didn't break. I told you that would be the case, and clearly you've listened to me because you gave it a try and it worked!" She grinned again and straightened up in a comical way.
Then it happened: Nykkolaia laughed. It was quiet, just barely audible, but Celia heard it and gaped. "Oh, Nykk, there's hope for you yet!" she exclaimed, sliding her free arm through Nykk's and gently shaking her roommate. "Before you know it, I might even have you giggling!"
There's hope for me yet.
"Let's not get ahead of ourselves, Celia," Nykk said with another small smile.
"You can't hold me down," Celia replied with a wink.
Nykkolaia was actually feeling... happy as she walked with Celia towards class. It was a feeling that she wasn't really sure what to do with, but she wasn't going to fight it because it had taken too long to get here.
Paces ahead, there was a flash of silver and then the appearance of the arch.
The way back will come but once. Be steadfast.
Nykkolaia stopped in her tracks and stared at it. Celia stopped short as well and looked back at Nykk with a confused expression. "What is it?" she asked, turning to look in the direction of Nykkolaia's gaze but she didn't see anything. This was something that appeared only for Nykkolaia... and she didn't want to go.
She was happy.
Be steadfast.
"Nykk?" Celia asked, concern lacing her voice. "We have to go. We don't want to be late, remember?"
Still staring, Nykk bit down on her bottom lip. The arch shimmered, as though it was going to vanish. The way back will come but once... Nykk's head dropped and she started walking towards it and then she started running.
"Nykkolaia!" Celia shouted after her. "We'll get in trouble if we're late! Where are you going?"
She did her best to drown out Celia's shouts, and leave the moment behind as she threw herself through the arch.
"We are so glad that you were able to assist us, Aes Sedai," a nervous young clerk named Wilon said as he walked with hurried steps to keep up with Nykkolaia. She was shorter than him, but apparently the stalking gate of an Aes Sedai made even the tallest of men feel it necessary to hurry just to keep. It wasn't something that the Blue Sister did intentionally, but apparently came with the rank.
"Of course," she replied evenly. "It is the honor of the Blue to assist in matters of justice."
She had not been told much about the case at hand, but her assistance had been requested by the Chief Justice, as relayed by the young man walking at her side now. The message delivered had been to ask her help in determining the proper punishment for a man who had committed 'grave crimes' unheard of by the administration and policing forces of this small town in Andor.
If it felt strange to roam the towns near her youth, Nykkolaia didn't let on to anyone, even herself.
Wilon led her into the small House of Justice, as the town's Mayor called it, where all those related to the matter were housed: from those who over-saw the town to those who mediated, and even the Mayor himself. Having spent so many years in the Tower, it was both familiar and strange to see things housed this way, but as it worked for this small town than that was all that mattered. It was not her place to advise on city administration or architecture, but to give her wisdom in the one matter she had been called on for.
Once inside, Wilon led her through the large foyer and to a staircase at the far edge of the room, which was lit with small torches down into the basement. All the persons inhabiting the front room stood as they saw her. It was still strange to feel such ...reverence given her rank, and she was still accustoming to it. She nodded in acknowledgement to their respect, but said nothing and was led into the basement where the criminal cells were kept.
Nykkolaia wondered at what sort of crimes would be so 'grave' to this town that they felt so ill equipped to handle them. It was chance that had brought her here in the first place, and so perhaps it was a good twist in the Pattern for them.
"The name that he gave when he purchased his house in town," Wilon began as they neared the bottom landing, "is Gavlin Teal. He moved here about two years ago and at that time, we had no reason to doubt him. He was friendly with the town folk, although he did tend to keep to himself."
"When did you have cause to begin to doubt him?" Nykkolaia asked. That was nearer to the crux of the matter.
Reaching the ground floor, Wilon led her through a small maze of corridors. There was the occasional cell with iron bars closing it in, although most were not occupied. It gave a rather clear picture of a town prepared for criminal activity, but not used to having it actually take place.
The walls glistened damply in the torch light and hay was scattered in various corners, leaking out from the insides of cells. Thankfully for Nykk, time had subdued her distaste for basements although she could hardly say she liked them.
"He tried to abduct a young girl one evening when she was walking home from the village square," Wilon said. "She screamed and managed to escape his grasp when she kicked him... well, let's just say that it was in a delicate place." Wilon blushed slightly. "He was injured enough that he released his grip on her and she was able to escape. She hurried home and told her parents, who brought the matter to us."
Why didn't I think of that? Nykkolaia's thought came unbidden and she tried to push it from her mind. That girl was many years ago and did not have bearing on the woman - the Aes Sedai - that she had become.
"This little girl was not prone to flights of fancy," Wilon continued, naturally unaware of what was taking place in the mind of the woman beside him, "and so we had no reason to not believe her. We went to his house and he answered the door, trying to act normally. It was pretty clear to us, however, from the way that he was acting and walking that the girl had spoken truly. We arrested him and searched his house. We found..." Wilon hesitated.
Nykkolaia waited with tense impatience for him to continue, but when he didn't, she gave him a stern side long look. "Continue," she said.
The dungeon - for this was what this was - was so quiet that she could hear him swallow.
"There is nothing you can tell me that I have not heard," Nykk prompted him further. Did you not see my face?
"Of course, Aes Sedai," Wilon said, coming back to his senses. After his brief pause in strides, the pair continued walking to the far back cell. There was a man in it, slouched in the corner with his face obscured. Wilon's voice lowered. "We searched his house and found a blood stained table in the basement, with a chain and manacle. There were other things - tools and bottles of things we didn't know."
Nykkolaia felt her blood run cold. Her eyes drifted to the man. She had embraced Saidar without even thinking about it and a hand of Air drifted into the cell, forcing the man's head to lift. He was startled at first, not knowing what was going on, but then his eyes fell on her and their gazes locked.
They told me he had died. Who chose to lie to me?
"You," he hissed and then chuckled. "Want to see the scar left on me because of you? It's not hardly as pretty as yours, but painful at the time."
Her entire body threatened to tremble, but she kept it to her hands alone. Like she had as a Novice, her fingers twitched in a sort of concentration.
Wilon looked uncertain, wondering what was happening. He knew that the business of Aes Sedai was not his business, however, and he continued. "We found a body in the shed in his yard. She was a young woman, dead. We can't even begin to guess what he did with her before finally killing her."
I could tell you.
"We have no seen acts like this in our town and we feel unprepared to manage such matters," the clerk went on. "When we found out that an Aes Sedai was in town, we hoped that you would be able to help us, being more... worldly than our small town."
Master's eyes had lit when Wilon said Aes Sedai. So many years later, so much had happened, and yet still within her was the battle. He had given no command to be followed, so why did she feel that she should? And yet, she had become a woman and an Aes Sedai of the Grey Tower and she would not be his any longer! This was her chance, her chance to make him pay for what he had done to her... to that young woman in the shed... to the girl he would have taken.
This was her chance for justice. It was the calling she had aspired to when she ascended to the ring, and then the shawl.
Justice.
From the corner of her eye came a flash of silver and from the depths of her mind came words that made tears appear in her eyes. The way back will come but once. Be steadfast.
No... Nykkolaia closed her eyes and suddenly, she remembered. The arch, and she had to go through it. Yet, how could she? The man was here, living, before her and she was ages away from who she had been when she was held in his basement, at his whim and will! How could she leave now when what she wanted, what she needed, what was just was right before her?
Be steadfast.
"Light, this is beyond cruel," she whispered but she turned. She ran.
"Aes Sedai, come back! Where are you going?"
I'm going back.
"Where are you running to, girl?" It was him. "Come back! There's never been anywhere to go, you remember that much!"
There's somewhere to go, and somewhere I must go.
"Come back!"
I can't.
Falling through and back out of the arch, she landed naked on the hard floor, sobbing, "There's no justice in the world."
...you are washed clean...
I am washed clean, yet forever marked.
