Fanfic:My Life as a Drin'far'ji/Chapter Ten
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Chapter Ten - Growing Up
The Green Ajah courtyard was neat and tidy after the mess Tsorovanrei had created. While it was true several animal shaped bushes bore little resemblance to their original pruned dignity, at least they were no longer horse-chomped eyesores. Fresh seedlings, which Nesra had commandeered from the gardening shed, had replaced the trampled and nibbled flowers and the gravel path had been freshly raked. Miledha knew the time had come. With the last tool cleaned and returned to its place in the shed, she picked up her weapons and added the one, which was to be used for her punishment. Shaving a few knobbly bits off the switch with her knife, the drin?far?ji strode resolutely towards her room. The sky melted, clouds at last dripping with the rain that had been threatening all day and adding to the gloom seeping into Miledha?s heart. She would rather face an angry Aiel Sept in battle than report to the office of Caden Ives.
After changing into a clean uniform and carefully storing her weapons in their places, the fearful event could be delayed no longer. Smoothing her shirt and rubbing a speck of dust off her boots, the young Aiel took the switch she had been commanded to carry and gathered as much dignity as she could muster. Her stomach fluttered unmercifully as she walked towards the Warder Offices, head high and ignoring the pitying stares of other Trainees. Fear pounded at Miledha?s heart, screaming at her to run and hide, but somehow, she continued. Caden could be down in the yards supervising training. He might be out of the Tower, or having a private conversation with his Aes Sedai. These, and many other thoughts whispered hopefully in Miledha?s mind until she had almost convinced herself he would have no time to see her today. She was wrong.
The Keeper had made a detour from whatever plans she had for the day, and the first thing the young Aiel noticed as she stepped into Caden?s office, was the Two Rivers bow, leaning against the wall. Lying on his desk, next to the rod of discipline, was a quiver of yellow fletched arrows, each bearing the tell tale triple striped cresting, marking them as Miledha?s. The Master of Training listened as she reported, confessed everything she had done since her last visit, and finally handed over the switch.
The storm that had followed made the previous punishment with Nyk, seem a gentle breeze. It was a nightmare Miledha?s mind could barely grasp. In fact, every time her thoughts turned to that afternoon, they slipped away, her mind closing the door on a memory too painful to hold. The physical pain spoke loudly, though, as the Gateway to the farms opened and two Gaidin accompanied her through. The drin?far?ji had slept on her stomach in only her skin last night, groaning and tossing to find a position bearable for sleeping. Despite the chill of rainy weather, her back burned from just below the shoulders and throbbed to the backs of her knees. She had no idea how many strokes had been delivered - only that the switch had broken after the first few, and been replaced by the rod of discipline. That was as much as her mind would allow her to grasp. The pain was bad enough, but the shame was unbearable. Miledha hoped Louin would never hear of this. She couldn?t imagine facing Mannadin or Jhorde again, if they ever learned of her how she had howled under the rod. Caden?s words had cut deeply into her mind, forcing her to reflect on all her failings. It was too much to bear and she pushed the memories away.
Work continued in the zemai fields, regardless of the weather, which, for Miledha?s first week, was a mixed blessing of constantly dripping rain. On the one hand, mud hampered the movement of even bootless feet, and fingers stiffened from the cold worked slowly, not noticing when they bled from sharp zemai stalks. On the other hand, the cool wetness soothed Miledha?s burning back, aching behind, and welted thighs, making movement almost bearable. After the first few hours, she had become almost expert at feeling the plump ears of zemai to know which were ready for plucking. Her baskets were filled with steady repetition and swelled the waiting sacks. She had been given one of the easier jobs for her first days, with the promise of being added to the ear husking team towards the end of the following week.
It was peaceful work really, hidden in the lonely fields beneath towering rows of zemai. Although several others worked the field, she rarely encountered another human being. From time to time, a manager would appear unannounced, checking the speed and accuracy of the harvesting. A heavy leather strap hung from his belt and he was not slow to use it on any who were slack in their work. Thankfully for Miledha, he had no need to add to her pain. She was a fast worker, taking care to harvest only the ripe ears without damaging the maturing crop.
The days were long, beginning with breakfast before sunrise - not that it had managed to break through the clouds so far. Dull clouds and dripping rain continued to conceal the sun day after endless day. Miledha was well fed, though zemai fritters quickly became tedious every morning. There was always water available at the end of the rows, for the workers to refresh themselves. It was superfluous to Miledha, raised as she was, in the Threefold Land. The cool rivulets running down her face from the rain were more than sufficient to sustain her. Lunch was brought to the fields daily - usually cheese between two slabs of zemai bread. The drin?far?ji consumed her share rapidly because it became sodden in the wet weather before the last bite could be taken.
The daily work only ceased as the light waned. At that point, a bell sounded mournfully across the fields and the workers emerged, emptying their last baskets and squelching through the mud to wash and eat. Some slept in filthy clothes, dried from the previous day, but Miledha did as she always had, sleeping in small clothes, or nothing, if these were wet, with only a blanket to cover her. The first two weeks stretched on with little more than work and sleep, as she learned the job. Training at the Grey Tower seemed distant, belonging to an earlier life that might never come again.
Miledha?s third week on the farms began with an almost forgotten event. Fingers of golden light trickled through the window in the bunk above her head. For a moment, the drin?far?ji gave a start, thinking she had overslept and the day was partly spent. She rolled on her back, this time without the slightest twinge. Even that had healed. Birdsong filled the dawn air and a sweet, clean smell wafted into the workers? bunkhouse. It was going to be a sunny day. Despite the fact her punishment was only half over, Miledha rose cheerfully, lighthearted buoyancy in her heart as she pulled on work clothes and headed out for breakfast. The warm smell of zemaibread and crispy fritters filled her nostrils and airy chatter, her ears. It seemed she wasn?t the only one happy to wake up to sunshine.
Breakfast drew out just a little longer than usual before the bell rang, calling the workers into the fields. Insects buzzed in busy little clouds among the zemaistalks, trying to make up for time lost in the previous fourteen days of damp weather. Adventurous birds snapped down in mid-flight, gathering an easy meal. It would have been idyllic if not for the deep mud still clogging Miledha?s toes as she squelched up to the end of her first row of zemai. She was surprised to see a young man, not much older than herself, making his way in her direction.
?I got bored, working alone,? he grinned. ?My name?s Jarel. Do you make a habit of being sent to work in this pigsty, or is it a first offence??
Miledha smiled back. She couldn?t help herself. He was quite infectious and his tall frame almost towered over her own significant height, topped with a mop of curly dark brown hair. ?It?s my first time on the Farms,? she admitted, ?though this could hardly be called my first offence. How about you??
?Well,? he winced slightly, as he almost looked through her with his deep brown eyes. ?This isn?t my first time on the farms. It seems the Master of Soldiers feels I?m far too frivolous and I need some serious work to sober me down. I enjoy a bit of a drink in the Band of Brothers but it?s kind of out of bounds, if you know what I mean.? Miledha nodded. ?I had one too many a few nights ago and was caught by an Asha?man singing a little too loudly in accompaniment to the Gleeman. The man knew how to make a Gateway and I was in the Master of Soldier?s office, still a little under the weather, before I could finish my drink. I got quite a belting, I don?t mind telling you. Of course, I didn?t feel it as much as I would have sober, but I can feel the results now.? Jarel rubbed his behind with a rueful grimace. ?Did you get strapped as well??
Miledha drew a sharp breath. She didn?t want to think about it. The memory was painful enough. ?Yes,? she agreed. ?I wasn?t belted. Just switched and caned. I?m a Trainee Warder.?
?Are you, indeed? Hmmm, I?m looking for a potential bondmate. Perhaps we should get to know each other better.? His brown eyes twinkled cheekily and he started to pick the zemai. ?You have about as much chance as an ice cube on the oven,? Miledha returned. ?I think I?m going to need someone a lot more sensible than you to protect when I?m raised.?
As the week wound on, the mud dried and the sun gained in strength. It was nothing to Miledha. She had spent a lot of time reflecting on her behaviour at the Tower, wishing she were naturally good, and hoping she would return a little more mature. None of the other Trainees seemed to get in half as much trouble as she did. Very few of them ever had two trips to the Master of Training for punishment. At this rate, she didn?t think she?d make it to Ji?alantin for a very long time.
Miledha and Jarel worked together as often as they could manage. Today, they had been assigned to pick the last ears off an old z?mai field. Dry stalks crackled underfoot and the pickings were few. Jarel was bored as usual and decided to work on his channeling skills. He began by sizzling flies from the air with fine threads of fire and advanced to aiming for the field manager?s hat as he poked his head above the stalks at the far end of the field. Jarel looked down innocently as the man?s straw hat burst into flames and was thrown to the ground with a loud yell. Miledha hid low in the row with Jarel, glaring furiously. The last thing she wanted was another beating just for being associated with this miscreant soldier.
Before they knew it, smoke was blowing in their direction. The old z?mai fields were usually burnt and the ashes allowed to fertilize the ground for the next planting. Apparently the manager hadn?t known there were two young people picking the last few ears and he had allowed the burning hat to light the field, thinking now was as good a time as any. The flames were frightening small creatures in their direction. Several mice scurried to safety, and numerous moths. Suddenly, a large black snake joined the fleeing animals. It rose venomously at a short distance from Miledha and Jarel, head high and tongue flickering to taste the air. Miledha acted instantly, drawing the knife she was allowed for cutting z?mai, and whipping it across the snake?s head before it had time to strike. It fell, writhing, on the ground and she grasped the Soldier?s arm, dragging him from the field at a full run and leaving the baskets behind.
There was no way to explain the loss of their picking baskets, with out incriminating themselves over the manager?s hat. Instead, they took the ten strokes of his strap offered to those who were careless with equipment, and began in a fresh field with another basket and the eye of the manager following their progress. Fortunately no time was added to their sentences. Miledha had only one more week to go.
By the fourth week on the z?mai farm, Miledha?s skin was sun darkened and her hair bleached a lighter shade of red. In some ways she had enjoyed life on the land, hard though it was. Jarel was now a firm friend and one she looked forward to catching up with around the Grey Tower. It was the second time he had been sent to the farms though, and his sentence was for four months. Life could change so much in that amount of time. Her sentence would be over this evening.. One significant date would pass the day after Miledha returned. Tomorrow, the year and a day had would have gone by since she had been gai?shain. Miledha wondered if the master of Training had kept such careful count as she had. Though it filled the girl with trepidation, she knew she must go and tell him as soon as she returned.
Today was a special day - Miledha?s nineteenth nameday. It was possible that Louin and Mannadin had come while she was gone. It was equally possible they would arrive today, or tomorrow. The young Aiel told no one though. While plucking the ears of z?mai, she remembered years gone by and thought fondly of the special times those who loved her had created. Miledha wondered what her parents were doing and knew they would be thinking of her. She was certain there would be gifts either waiting at the Tower or coming soon after.
?May you always find water and shade, Jarel,? Miledha said in sad farewell, as the Gateway opened, revealing the once familiar Grey Tower grounds. She hurried over and kissed him on a grubby cheek, smiled weakly, and accompanied the Gaidar who had been sent to retrieve her, through the hole in the air. "Report to Master Ives at first light tomorrow,? the woman informed her, wrapping her fancloak about her body. ?Your training is to continue immediately, Drin?far?ji Miledha.? With that, the Gaidar nodded at an Asha?man to release the weave, and strode off towards the Warder Yards.
Miledha found fresh uniforms and a large fluffy towel waiting in her room, but no gifts from her family - not even a note. She sighed, feeling slightly forgotten, and headed for the bathroom. It was good to soak in the large soapy tub, cleaning away the grime from a month on the farms. It was good to relax in her own bed after, though sleep failed to come while words swam in her head. She must work out what to say to the Master of Training in the morning.
Well, before dawn, there was a knock on Miledha?s door. She sat bolt upright in bed and reached for a spear. ?Enter!?
The lantern light revealed the most precious faces in Miledha?s world. ?Louin!? she breathed, leaping out of bed quite oblivious to the fact she hadn?t dressed. ?Mannadin! You came. You remembered. You?re both here!? The young Aiel didn?t know which to hug first, so she chose Louin because Mannadin?s arms were full of gifts from home. ?Of course we are.? Louin whispered back. ?This is a significant day. Not only are you now nineteen, you are ready to be released from being gai?shain. Today you are Far Dareis Mai once more and we will accompany you to Caden Ive?s office as soon as you have dressed and looked at your gifts.?
There was a basket of Miledha?s favourite food from home. That was from her mother. A set of new spears, each sharpened and polished finely, came from Jhorde. Louin had brought a fine collection of jewels taken as the fifth part of a victorious raid on the Treekillers, and Mannadin had a new pair of handmade boots for her. They were wonderful gifts and filled her heart with joy at being part of such a caring family. ?I?m glad you came,? she said, as the fear of meeting Caden drained from her mind. Many of the Trainees were all alone in the world, with the Tower their only home, but Miledha had connections to something special. She was loved and wanted and she gave her life to serve at the Tower by choice, despite the orders she was under.
?Let?s go then,? Miledha said, taking an arm of each beloved brother, as the light began to filter in from the morning. ?It?s time to report to the Master of Training.? Miledha wondered if the man would return her bow and arrows. She wondered if he would be happy to release her from his service. Most of all, she wondered what he would say to her. It was almost time for the Trainees? morning run and Miledha discovered there was no need to visit the Master of Training?s office. He was already in the Yards.
Releasing her grip on Louin and Mannadin, the Maiden walked the last few steps alone. Snapping to attention, her sun bleached hair shining in the sun and her blue eyes radiating confidence, she spoke, ?Drin?far?ji Miledha reporting back for training, Caden Gaidin.?
With his partially melted fancloak stirring in the breeze, Caden Ives towered outside the entrance of the Warder Hall. His breath misted before his half-demonic face in the chill morning air and his hands rested eerily still on his wide swordbelt. He watched the assembled Drin?far?ji and Ji?alantin gather in the Training Yard impassively, as if he did not exist in the same world as them - but in reality, he was weighing each and every one of them with his remaining eye. And for them, his presence held no illusions.
The gates to the Warder Hall opened once more and Caden turned his head slightly to see a young Aiel woman emerge with two men of her native country. He had expected her to come and he knew the names of her entourage. He had crossed steel with them a year and a day before. His gaze skimmed over them to finally rest on the young woman. Quite tactfully, Drin?far?ji Miledha walked up to him and reported herself back to training after her punishment on the Farms.
?At ease,? rasped Caden through his teeth and looked away, ?I sincerely hope that you have paid heed to what I said when we met last, for it is essential that you know what is expected from you during the time to come.?
He turned to face her fully, his broad shoulders concealing the rising sun for her. ?The time has come for you to make a choice. Your training is close to the point where the first test is placed upon you - and you have the chance to trade your uniforms for a darker shade. However, when that happens, the responsibilities will be greater and your duties will lie more heavily upon your shoulders. Things will not grow easier with time in this place you have come to. On the contrary, we treat our Drin?far?ji kindly and let them get a taste of what is to come. You see, you will not become a Warder if I cut you some slack during the years to come.? His white eye bore into the skull of the Aiel Maiden. ?Realise that, and choose.?
He lifted his gaze to look upon the two Aielmen behind her, but he neither nodded nor acknowledged their presence in any way - his face holding no feeling whatsoever just like when he had fought them. His words were directed to Miledha though. ?Your service to me personally is ended this noon. By then I will have your answer. Stay, and I will make a Gaidar out of you - for you have the backbone it takes and the talent required. Nevertheless, you persist in letting me down. Thus, if you leave for the Waste with your two countrymen, I will not accept you back into the Yards ever again.?
He looked down into Miledha?s eyes and let her know he meant every word. If she would choose the latter, it would be the last words that ever passed between them. The silence that hung in the air could very well be the punctuation of their master and apprentice relationship. At length, Caden turned to walk away. The low sun now hid his disappearing frame to her. Yet he came to think of something and stopped in his tracks. Slowly, he shifted his imposing frame to meet her eyes again. As it was, she would not be able to see his penetrating gaze because of the sun, and his words were thus rendered as soft as he meant them. ?All I can offer you here is what you see - sweat, blood, tears and honour - but I know it is greater than any other place I?ve seen below these mountains. I urge you to choose carefully.?
Then he was gone, and in his place, the gathering of Trainees on the open field beckoned for her to join them again...
The second Caden left her, Miledha ran to join the Trainees for morning exercises. Her heart was still pounding from the effect of his words. They spun in her mind like thistledown in a Summer breeze, turning from one direction to another. This had the effect of causing the young Aiel to hardly notice what her group was doing as they trained. Her physical responses were automatic but her mind was far away, standing before the Master of Training and replaying his challenge from every angle. Mannadin and Louin joined the warm up session, enjoying the exercise and taking every opportunity to spend time with their sister.
Breakfast was a blur, lost in the midst of pictures flashing through Miledha?s mind. There was an image of her taking the test and being presented with the ji?alantin uniform. Her stomach churned prematurely with the pride she would experience on that day, leaving little room for food. Caden?s voice replayed in her thoughts the responsibilities will be greater ?.. things will not grow easier ?.. But the challenge only served to fire Miledha?s passion and call her forward into the next stage of her life. Looking around at the others of her rank, Miledha realized she had already matured in her thinking. The other beginner ranks seemed younger somehow, more frivolous, and as though they had experienced less of life. She had crossed a line at the Master of Training?s words this morning, and realized there was no turning back. Stay, and I will make a Gaidar out of you ?.. you have the backbone and the talent ?.. Miledha felt humbled by his evaluation of her, and quite awestruck. Caden Ives believed in her and she would rise to meet his expectations.
The day seemed to gallop towards noon, though Miledha barely remembered a moment of it, so consumed was she with the meeting scheduled for that hour. Shortly before the time, she left the Training Yards, cleaned up, and prepared. The drin?far?ji had made her decision.
Exactly at noon, Miledha stood before the Master of Training, her hands full, and awaiting permission to speak. At his approval, she set a glass of water on his desk and dropped to one knee, laying one of her new spears and her best handmade buckler at his feet. There had been one, lone arrow, underneath her bed, as he still had all the others, together with her longbow. This, she laid beside the spear, her eyes serious in memories. Then, taking the knives from her belt, the Aiel maiden set them carefully on the floor, aligned with the rest.
?I have been your gai?shain, Master Ives, and among my people, this would mean laying my weapons down, as I do today. You commanded me to continue training, though, and I have done so, altering my tradition to obey your orders. I lay my weapons at your feet as a symbol today. If you command me to take them up again, I will do so. I will remain at the Grey Tower and train as you direct until I become the Gaidar you see that I am able to be.?
Miledha raised her eyes to fix on his own before sealing her commitment with unbreakable words. ?I give you my oath to complete my training, for however long it takes. This I promise till shade is gone, till water is gone, into the Shadow with teeth bared, screaming defiance with the last breath, to spit in Sightblinder?s eye on the last day.?
Miledha rose to her feet after that, and took the glass of water, offering it for the Master of Training to drink. ?I will not leave, Master Ives. You have my water oath.? There was nothing stronger in Aiel custom with which to seal a pledge. The water oath had even been used by Wetlanders to swear fealty. To the Aiel, it was a way of putting aside differences and blending societies in brotherhood. For Miledha, it held a bit both. She was making fresh allegiance to the Grey Tower as well as to the Master of Training, as he directed her progress towards the fancloak. She was also committing herself to blend her ways with his in acceptance of both. If he drank from the cup and then offered it back for her to drink while he held it, Miledha?s oath and commitment were irrevocably sealed.
?I am certain I will let you down again, before I am fully trained, Sir,? she said quietly, ?but I accept the discipline and the training, no matter how hard it becomes. I have made my choice this day, to continue on until I reach the fancloak. Then I will bond an Asha?man who hates Sightblinder as I do, and we will fight his evil until the last day.?
Listening to the Drin?far?ji as she pledged herself to further training, to walk the remaining leagues and to aim for the fancloak, Caden knew he had made the right decision to keep her in the Yards.
There was a rare honour to be met and suffered from ji?e?toh, but in this particular circumstance, Caden would not have wanted it to be in any other way. ?I welcome your water oath and I will hold you to it,? he rasped hoarsely and picked up the glass of clear liquid, ?and I will equally make sure you keep it.?
He drank the water slowly and then held out the glass to let her take her share. ?For the higher you climb in rank, the harder you will fall when you fail to meet my demands. Take up your arms again, Drin?far?ji Miledha, for your time as gai?shain is over and I command you to do it. May you find water and shade in our midst, and see the day when we stake the Lord of the Grave to the ground. Rise! And embrace your destiny as a Servant of the Two Tears. In time, when your path lies behind you, I hope to name you Sister of Battle. Until then, you will cleanse your failures from your back with sweat and tears. And I will make sure you do not fall behind at any time. For all that has come to pass between you and I up till today ...you are forgiven."
The words slammed the chapter of guilt shut, and it was a lot of honour redeemed with those few words.
The ghost of a smile crossed Caden's two-sided features. "Oh, don't fret. I will mark your progress just as keenly as when you owned me toh. So don't you ever feel at ease. Things will be much the same, but now, I know where you stand. Be off, and do your best to never disappoint me again. The next time, there is no telling what might happen to you.?
He was only half-joking with her, but that was the closest to humour anyone ever heard from Caden's lips that year.
There was a moment of solemn silence, almost reverence, as they sealed the oath together. Miledha would not have known what to say, but the words came easily to Caden as he led her into the full meaning of his expectations. The drin'far'ji's heart was full of strong emotion. The deep solemnity of something far beyond herself gripped her and drew her life as certainly as the Pattern is woven. If there was ever a ta?veren moment in Miledha?s life, it was this one - but it didn?t come from her. Somehow her life had crossed with that of Caden Ives and her destiny was newly formed. The words he spoke commanded time like a foretelling, and a glimpse of the future wrote itself in Miledha?s heart as though it had already happened. The vision he painted of life ahead was so far beyond her, she almost felt as though it was for someone else. In her heart, for those brief seconds, she was that other person. She did not understand what he meant by a Servant of the Two Tears or a Sister of Battle, but the titles sounded as a golden bell far into her future and she knew what she would become. It was a glorious moment filled with satisfaction, joy, and enormous responsibility. And it was her future.
Miledha took up her weapons, receiving his proclamation of forgiveness with great relief and thankfulness beyond her ability to express. This man knew everything she had done. Her failures were an open book to him, and still, he gave her a fresh start, restoring her honour and charging her to do her best.
?Yes, Master Ives,? she said simply, realising, as his eye twinkled just a tiny bit, she had seen something of this man he did not usually reveal to the Trainees. ?I will do my best, Sir. I truly will.? With that, Miledha turned and left the office, to farewell her brothers and hope for the future. She would work very hard. The Master of Training had given her a dream to reach for.
