Fanfic:Matters of the Heart

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Matters of the Heart
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Life being what it was, Lysira 'Mouse' Viathene would never have guessed - should she have considered the possibility a year earlier - that she now would be in the room of her parents, with them there with her, alive and well.

She could not have conceived that she would be sitting on the sofa with her mother; Selenirra's legs folded underneath her while Lysira lay on her back, head resting against her mother's leg. Benar was sitting at a desk off to one side - Sel could see him, but Lysira couldn't, at least not from this angle. And then her sister, Kassyna, playing on the floor, was the final part that she never could have even guessed at.

Lysira had told Jerid that she would be visiting with her parents, but would not be far away, and this was true, because the Hall of the Blue Ajah and the Hall of the Indigo were right next to each other. She could sense him at the other end of the bond, and he was a comforting presence inside her mind.

"What has you so troubled, Lysira?" Selenirra asked her daughter, fingers gently brushing over the strands of dark hair the trailed loosely around Lysira's face. "Although I'm certainly not unhappy for the visit." She smiled warmly.

Frowning thoughtfully, Lysira lifted her hands. She signed slowly to make sure that her mother could understand her, as her signs would appear upside down. I am having trouble with matters of the heart, she signed. Her teeth slid over her lower lip, chewing on it a few times. She seemed to revert quite easily to the role of daughter, now that her mother was back in her life.

Sel's brows rose slightly with surprise, but lowered again quickly. Of course, her daughter was a mature young woman, living her own life. It was just hard to remember this sometimes. She still remembered a little girl of twelve. "And what particular matters are causing you concern?" she asked, moving her hand to rest on her daughter's shoulder.

Is it possible to fall in love in a short period of time? She asked the question very bluntly, because she could not think of any other way to do it. Even though she had said the words just a few days ago, part of Lysira's mind did still wonder. It was not insecurity about Jerid or what she felt. It was more about herself, and given recent events, it was no wonder.

"It is possible to fall in love in a single glance," Sel replied with a gentle smile. Briefly, her eyes lifted and met her husband's as he also looked up from his writing to look upon his wife.

Lysira smiled a little. Really?

Selenirra laughed softly. "Yes, really," she answered. "It's how I fell in love with your father. He was a Gaidin and I was still a young Aes Sedai. I was walking the edge of the Training Yard with a friend who was a Yellow. She was assigned there that day in case of any trainee injuries. He was going through the sword forms. We looked at one another, and I knew I was in love."

"She wasn't the only one," Benar supplied. He wasn't made of many words, but they were always worth much.

Lysira smiled to think of the scene. She was learning the things that she never could have known until now, and there was something she liked about it. After a moment, she frowned again. But how did you know? Really know that it was love? That you were in love? She now asked the questions that she probably would have asked ten years ago, had her mother and she been together at that time.

"That's a very good question," Selenirra replied. "It's hard to say, because I think that the feeling is different for everyone. I knew because when I looked at him, it was like I could see our lives stretched out before us and I knew that he would be a part of mine. I couldn't imagine it any other way." She paused. "How do you feel about this gentleman you think you've fallen in love with?"

The Gaidar's hands were still for a few moments as she thought it through. My heart doesn't seem to want to stay inside my body when I'm with him, or when he says my name. I like to be around him and to talk to him, spend time with him. He makes me smile, laugh, and I can make him laugh. I enjoy that. I trust him completely. I... Her hands hesitated for a moment as she considered the feeling further. He... makes me happy. She paused again. Her thoughts were dark when they went to that afternoon in the Gardens, but they lightened when they thought of the realization for her that followed. I want to do things for him and I know he feels the same towards me. It's an equality to things that gives my life... a feeling of balance.

"And what do you see when you look at him?" The question was asked in a soft voice, enough to be heard but not break the thoughtfulness of the younger woman.

I see someone I know I'll spend the rest of my life with. She knew she would do so even if only as his Warder, though it made her sad to think of them not being more. I see a man who has lost a lot, but is courageous and moves forward. I see it sometimes, though, the pain, and it's like my heart breaks for it. I want to make him happy. He's very reserved, but is comprised of passion that surprises one at first, until you get to know him. Lysira smiled a little, distantly, lost in happier, though personal, memories.

Pausing, Lysira's head turned slightly and she looked at Kassyna, seven years old and playing with a doll. She looked like Lysira, and Selenirra. Lysira had the quiet, surprising thought that if she had a daughter, the girl would probably look a lot like Kassyna.

Selenirra smiled. "It sounds like my daughter is in love," she said quietly. "Is it that young man we met in Murandy?" Although she knew that 'young man' was simply a term, for one could never be too sure with Channelers.

Blinking for a moment, Lysira's dark eyes widened. Oh no! I do not love Lucan. It is Jerid Asha'man that I speak of. My bondmate. Her signs came quickly to clear up any problem there, because after what had happened between the three of them, she wanted no confusion.

One of the Blue's brows rose slightly in curiosity. Her little Lysira really had grown up. "And what of Lucan?"

Lysira bit her lip for a moment. I had a casual romantic relationship with Lucan, for a while, and he was a good friend in some hard times. He even saved my life, but he's not the sort of man that you fall in love with, to live one's life with. I'm hard pressed to say why we worked together in any of the ways that we did... but it was never a commitment, and I severed any ties with Lucan once I realized my feelings for Jerid.

Some guilt still lingered about the matter, and how could it not? Still, she had worked to move past it, because that's what Lysira did in her life: moved forward. One had to. Lucan was the past now, and had to be, for her very sanity. Jerid was her future.

Not judging her daughter, for she did not know the circumstances, Sel nodded. Besides, having been absent so many years of her daughter's life, she wasn't sure she had a right to judge the girl's actions.

"Have you told Jerid how you feel?" Selenirra asked then. "And has he told you of his feelings?"

Lysira nodded. He told me that he loved me, and I've told him that I love him. I know his feelings, and I believe my own. I only sometimes doubt because of my own inexperience. I have not been in love before, so I doubt my ability to recognize it.

The Blue nodded again. "All young people face that dilemma, but you are a bright young woman and you know how to follow your heart. You'll know what the truth is."

Lysira's hands fell 'silent' again and she considered this. She analyzed her own heart and what things she had felt over the bond from Jerid, in the quiet moments as well as the moments of passion. Once she honestly opened the consideration, completely and clearly, without concern for her self doubts... it didn't take her long to be certain of the truth of the words she'd said.

She didn't know how it had happened, or how it had happened so quickly, but she was in love with Jerid Asha'man.

This brought a smile to her face, and one that her mother understood the source of... but then another thought intruded and the smile dimmed.

Selenirra frowned softly in concern. "What is it now, my dear?" she asked, brushing a few more errant strands off Lysira's forehead.

I know how I feel, and it's not a problem for me. I know how Jerid feels, but I fear that his feelings for me might cause him problems. Lysira explained this with a continually waning expression.

"How so?"

Lysira sighed. Jerid is the High Seat of his House now. House Walker is a House of Andor, and I know he worries about making it strong and building strong alliances. One of those alliances could be through marriage to a Lady of another House. I know Lady Oren was suggesting he consider Lady Viola of the House Breyon. Lysira paused with another sorrowful sigh. She is a very beautiful woman, and intelligent and graceful, and she knows how to move properly in those foolish dresses without weapons hidden in hair and britches under skirts.

Here her father lifted his eyes and brows briefly in surprise, but then turned back to his work with a smirk of pride for his daughter's stubborn ingenuity. Lysira continued. She would be a smart match for him. But what of me? I cannot give him that, and I do not wish him to do something harmful to his House and family because of his feelings for me... but it is horrible to bear the idea of him marrying another woman, though if he wished it, I would let him go... but he says he loves me and does not express a desire to be free. She sighed.

Selenirra looked up again, though Lysira didn't see it. Benar did, though. His look was a heavy one and Sel nodded, but said nothing. They understood what each other meant.

"My sweet girl," Sel said warmly, looking down at her daughter's sad expression, "you would be surprised how often these things have a way of working themselves out better than you expect."