Fanfic:Leaving Home, Letting Go
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The young couple strolled, hand in hand, enjoying the garden. The sky was clear and beautiful, and colorful summer blossoms dotted the lush greenery.
Wilmer smiled down at her. He was moon-faced, and a smattering of pimples dotted his cheeks. But his looks weren’t what attracted Mirin. No, a handsome face could not provide a life of luxury – but the eldest son of Lord Osiellin could. She stood on her tiptoes and kissed him on the cheek. He laughed charmingly, and then, like a true gentleman, guided her to a nearby bench in the shade of a tall tree.
They kissed again, and then she settled her head happily into the crook of his neck, his arm draped around her shoulders. This was as good a time as any to bring it up. She took a deep breath.
“Have you spoken with your father about me?” she asked.
“Now, Mirin, you know that I love only you,” said Wilmer patiently. “But I’m just not ready for marriage. Not now. You’re fifteen, darling, and I’m only two years older. We’re far too young.”
She hid her frown, forcing her lips into a sweet smile suitable for a young girl in love. She wanted him to love her. Didn’t he say that she was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen? And when a man loved a woman, they got married, no matter their age. Then Mirin could have the life she always wanted. He must love her. He must!
Filled with desire, Mirin looked searchingly into Wilmer’s eyes. Suddenly, she felt something go out of her. A mild tiredness settled over her. Mirin fanned herself, peering flirtatiously through her eyelashes at her lover. The young man looked dazed. She smiled, sure of her victory. Then he blinked, the fog clearing from his expression. He grinned crookedly.
“There you go again, dazzling me with your beauty. Mirin, did I ever tell you that-”
She interrupted. “Will you speak to your parents about us?”
He continued to hesitate, so Mirin looked down demurely and pouted, adding a little push. “For me?”
Wilmer did not react as she expected. He shifted uncomfortably and sighed. “Mirin, I cannot marry you,” he said reluctantly.
“What!?” This came out as almost a shriek. She stood up in shock and spun to look down at him.
“I told you, I’m not ready yet! And besides, I’m the oldest son, and my parents have plans for me. I need to marry well, for the sake of the family. You know this already, Mirin!”
“But I love you!”
“I love you too, but I cannot marry for love! I must-”
She flew into a rage. “You foul, despicable, lecherous man! I’ve given you everything and all this time you were only taking advantage of me-”
“Now, Mirin, that’s not fair-”
She spat in his face.
His mouth dropped open, and then his face twisted into a murderous expression. He stood, and although he was not a tall man, he towered over her. Mirin had never seen the normally good-natured Wilmer so angry. Deeply buried memories of another angry man standing over a beaten and bruised woman flashed before her eyes. For the first time in their relationship, Mirin felt afraid. Her hands flew to her mouth, and she backed away, apologies tumbling from her tongue. “I’m so sorry, Wilmer, I didn’t mean to-”
The pain came suddenly. Oh no, not now, she thought, before collapsing.
“Mirin? Mirin!” Wilmer knelt by her side, shaking her as though she had merely fainted, but Mirin turned her head and vomited. She moaned.
Wilmer leapt up, anger forgotten and replaced by pure panic. “Help! Help! You there, go fetch the Aes Sedai! Quickly!”
That was the last thing she heard before the pain overcame her.
Mirin twisted in agony. The heat seemed to radiate from her bones. She threw the thick blanket violently off the bed, moaning incoherently. A moment ago she had been shivering, her teeth chattering with cold. Now she was burning up, sweat streaming down her body, soaking the sheets of the bed.
Cool, gentle hands replaced the damp rag on her forehead, and then moved to wipe the dripping sweat from her body with a clean, dry cloth. Esra Ronaile carefully tended her daughter, her forehead wrinkled with concern.
Another woman sat in the room, her face unnaturally smooth, her eyes knowing and wise. An hour ago, Liriana Sedai had brought Mirin home, and Esra’s world had been shattered. She had begged her to Heal her daughter, but the Aes Sedai had claimed that she could do nothing for these fevers and chills. This was the result of uncontrolled channeling of the One Power, she had said. This was a battle that Mirin had to fight on her own.
Liriana Sedai spoke. “Has this happened before?”
Esra answered reluctantly. “This is the fourth time, Aes Sedai. The first was, well, almost two months ago. I thought it was just a stomach sickness. Must you take her?” She couldn’t resist asking, though she knew the answer.
“She must be trained,” the Aes Sedai replied, gently but firmly. “Each time, the reaction comes closer to the actual touching of the Source, until the two happen almost together. After that, there are no more reactions that can be seen, but it is as if a clock has begun ticking. A year, or two, with no signs. Then it will strike, without warning. Convulsions. Screaming. Death. It takes days, but once it begins there is nothing that can be done to stop it.”
Esra shuddered, and dropped her head into her hands. I will be alone, she thought. But loneliness is a small price to pay for my daughter’s life.
Mirin whimpered, and began to shiver. Her mother hurriedly picked up the blanket from the floor and covered her, tenderly tucking her in. She had once followed a man for the sake of love, followed him across the continent, from her homeland of Arad Doman to settle in the city of Cairhien. But that love, though it had burned fiercely and strong, could not compare to the vast ocean of emotion that she had for her child. Mirin was the light of her life. Again, she changed the damp cloth on her daughter’s forehead.
Esra had never been good at letting go. She had stayed with Mirin’s father even after years of abuse, and had only left when she found he had cheated with another woman. That had felt terrible, like ripping out her heart. This was even worse.
“When she recovers, you may take her,” Esra said, barely choking back tears. She knew that she did not have a choice, that her permission was a mere formality, for who could refuse an Aes Sedai? But it made her feel better. She did not look at the Aes Sedai, and instead drank in the sight of her daughter. Even though Mirin looked terribly sick, her eyes glazed with pain and her raven-black locks hanging limply, Esra still thought her daughter was the most beautiful child in the world.
The sky was dark before the fever finally broke. Mirin opened her eyes and realized that she was in her bedroom by the familiar pattern of the shadows on the wall. She breathed a sigh of relief, finally able to fully expand her lungs without pain, and licked her dry lips. Then she noticed the dark figure slumped in a chair by her bed.
“Mother?”
The figure stirred, and a globe of light appeared in the room as if hung by an invisible thread. Mirin gasped. The figure stood and leaned over her, a strange woman whose face seemed smooth and young, but whose eyes were too wise, too knowing. Mirin wanted to scream, but her throat clenched. The stranger reached out a hand and Mirin shrank away.
The stranger’s hand dropped. “Your mother went to prepare some food, child. She will return soon.”
“Who are you?”
“You may call me Liriana Sedai. I am the advisor to Lord Osiellin. When you collapsed today, young Wilmer called for me. He thought I could Heal your sickness, but I could not, because it is a reaction from your uncontrolled touching of the One Power. You can channel, child, and you will die without training. I will send you to the Grey Tower. Today.”
“Today?” Mirin gasped.
“As soon as possible, child, as soon as you can stand without falling over. I am a busy woman and I’ve dawdled long enough for you.”
Mirin did not like how the Aes Sedai spoke, as though she had no choice in the matter, nor did she like being addressed as a child. But then she glanced at the floating orb of light, and then turned to observe the Aes Sedai. Liriana Sedai wore fine grey silks, and her hands were white and soft. Several rings gleamed on her fingers, one of them the Great Serpent biting its own tail. Mirin dropped her head back on her pillow and closed her eyes, imagining herself summoning lightning, tossing fireballs, with a golden ring of her own on her finger. Men would fall to their knees before her. She would not need to attach herself to a man like Wilmer to achieve her dreams. Her lips curved into a smile.
When she heard the door creak, her eyes flew open. Esra walked in, gracefully balancing two bowls of soup and a loaf of bread on a tray. Mirin envied her mother’s tall, willowy figure and warm, copper-toned skin that didn’t freckle or burn in the sun. It suddenly hit her that, if she went away, she would not see her mother for a long, long time.
Esra set her tray on the bedside table, and then turned to see her daughter watching her. Mirin’s expression told her everything.
“I would like to speak to my daughter. Alone,” she said, without taking her eyes away from Mirin. Liriana Sedai’s calm demeanor did not change, although her lips tightened almost imperceptibly, but she nodded. As soon as the Aes Sedai stepped out the door, Mirin scrambled off the bed and into her mother’s arms.
They held each other, sobbing, words tumbling past each other.
“I was so worried-”
“I don’t want to leave you, Mother, I’m so sorry-”
“-thought you were going to die-”
“I’ll make you proud, Mother.”
“Be safe. Work hard.”
“-write every day-”
“I’ll miss you so much.”
“I’ll miss you too.”
“I love you. Forever and always.”
Finally, when all that needed to be said had been said, when the tears had dried and kisses exchanged, Mirin walked out the room and found the Aes Sedai waiting in the hall. “Do I need to pack?” she asked.
Liriana Sedai shook her head. “Everything you need will be provided for, child.”
“Then I’m ready.”
The Aes Sedai gestured, and a thin line appeared in the air. Mirin watched, astonished, as the line rotated to form an opening, large enough for a man to step through without turning. Tall, strange buildings surrounded a quiet, dark courtyard. Unfamiliar mountains peaks could be seen in the distance.
“I have sent word ahead to the Tower,” said Liriana Sedai. “They are expecting you.”
Mirin stepped forward and through the portal, toward her new home.
