Fanfic:I Have Seen The Light (Learning to Channel)
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Amadie had been at the Grey Tower for a week now, 'settling in' as the Aes Sedai called it. The experience seemed more like being put in her place- she had washed dishes, scrubbed floors, beaten carpets, washed windows, and folded more laundry than she had ever imagined. In between those chores she had attended a handful of lectures on history, politics, language, and etiquette- but nothing that immediately caught her attention until that day. On that day, she would learn to channel.
She stood outside the room she had been told to report to after breakfast. The Domani woman had been surprised to see other women clad all in white gathering there as well- six of them to begin with, and then two others that arrived a few minutes later. She had assumed that learning to channel was a thing done individually. It didn't bother her to have companions, but it did ignite her curiosity.
Some of them seemed to know one another, for they formed a knot to one side. Never having been one to be shy or to be left out, Amadie joined them. Light, they were so young; she thought the eldest might have seen eighteen summers...might. They gave her curious looks; some of them tinged with envy or distaste as they took in her appearance and the way she moved. She was used to that reaction from women not of Domani blood, and dismissed it without further consideration.
She struck up a conversation without preamble, and within a few minutes she suspected she knew more about them than they had ever planned on giving away to a stranger. The Murandian, Hadia, would almost certainly be trouble, but the rest were fairly normal young women from across the Westlands. Most had been at the Tower much longer than she- in fact most had already had several lessons in touching the Source. "How many lessons could it possibly take?" she asked, surprised. The Aes Sedai and Accepted made it seem so simple when they channeled.
Hadia laughed, and a tinge of cruel glee tinged her voice when she spoke. "Malene there has been attending class for six months and still cannot hold a flame for longer than a few moments," she said. The girl she indicated -a young woman with honey hair- flinched as if hit. Her friend opened her mouth, ready to retort, and Amadie hastily asked another question, steering the conversation away even as she filed every scrap of information away for later consideration.
By the time the door opened and Trista Sedai ushered them all in, she was more than happy to be away. These are to be my companions for the next twenty years and more? She thought, dismayed. She had felt much more of a kinship with Kendra Sedai in the short time she had interacted with her than she did with these- these- children. Perhaps the other novices would be older...or perhaps the Accepted would be friendly to a novice with more mature interests.
The room she was let into had clearly been designed for maximum comfort and minimal distraction; cushions dotted the floor along with comfortable chairs, thick rugs, softly glowing lamps, and luscious drapes. Trista waved them all to take a seat, and as they did so, Amadie realized that everything had been arranged so that the seated novices could not see one another while still maintaining a clear view of Trista. Smart. Trista went from girl to girl, giving each of them instructions in a calm, low voice. She came to Amadie last, so the former merchant sat quietly, her mind turned inwards.
"And here is my newest pupil," Trista said, and to Amadie's surprise, she settled herself on a cushion facing her. She had not done that with any of the novices. The Aes Sedai clearly came from Cairhienin; her dark hair had been piled high on her head, and her high-necked gown bore slashes of bright colors. Amadie couldn't remember which House they stood for, but she would find out. "What do you know of the One Power, girl?"
"Almost nothing, Aes Sedai," she admitted. It had not seemed an important thing to learn, compared to all the political under currents she had to deal with as a merchant. The Aes Sedai indicated she should continue, so she hastily wracked her brain for what she knew. "Since the Breaking until relatively recently, only women were allowed to openly channel the One Power, and those who could were taken to Tar Valon to train in the White Tower. Men were hunted down and killed, because the Dark One's touch doomed all male channelers to madness. The Dragon Reborn removed the taint, and men are now allowed to train in either the Black Tower or here, in the Grey. Women cannot teach men to channel, nor can men teach women- I only learned that this morning. Finally, women can be born with the ability, or they can learn...I am one who can learn. That is all I know."
"There are holes in your knowledge big enough to drive a carriage through," Trista observed. Amadie stiffened, but the Aes Sedai waved her to silence. "I meant no insult, girl, relax. You were not raised the White Tower or the Grey, to be taught all there is to know at a young age. Indeed, you know more than I had expected from a merchant." Irritation still rankled, but the Domani woman forced herself to relax and nod acceptance. "That said, you do need to learn before you can continue. Therefore, read this- when I return, we will go over how to begin."
Amadie took the thin book the Aes Sedai offered, and opened it, noticing with some trepidation that the contents were hand written. Thankfully whoever wrote it had a clear hand and a simple writing style, and stuck firmly to facts. In a quarter of a bell when Trista returned, Amadie had already read it twice- once quickly, and the second time with more attention to detail. Trista gave her a brief quiz, and seemed satisfied with the results. "Read it again this evening, and bring it back tomorrow," she said when Amadie would have returned it.
"Now." Trista's tone changed, and the former merchant felt a tingle of anticipation move up her back. "I want you to close your eyes, breath slowly and evenly, and empty your thoughts of everything but the image of a single unopened rosebud, in the warmth of light that it cannot see."
Trista's voice droned on, and Amadie struggled to empty her thoughts. It seemed like the more she tried to empty it, the more things came piling in to distract her. Her back itched. Her feet ached. There was a loose hair lying across her face that tickled her nose. To her left, one of the other novices sighed softly. With each event, she lost track of her rose. "Your breath," Trista reminded her, and Amadie put herself back on the task of keeping her breath slow and regular.
After about an hour of trying, the Aes Sedai told her to stop. "You may not practice without an Aes Sedai or Accepted present," she said, "but practice you must. Go to the Channeling Yards for at least a bell this evening, and do what we have been doing here. When you come back tomorrow, we will try again."
All in all, it took the Domani novice fifteen days to finally envision a rosebud without letting small things to distract her. Then the painstaking work of imagining it opening began- another month of staring at nothing, breathing calmly, and trying not to let her frustration get the better of her.
Finally, one day in very early spring when it was easy to imagine being planted in the ground, she felt her mind fall into a place it had never been before. Her breathing came naturally and the world felt like it had retreated just out of arm's reach. The rose popped into her mind with little effort as soon as she closed her eyes, and began to open. As it did, she felt the most peculiar sensation- as if, indeed, she stood in the sun. If....if the sun were made of pure delight and pleasure as well as warmth and the smell of spring. Her entire body tingled, from crown to toe, and everything she could smell, hear, or touch seemed amplified. Ahead of her, an intense light shone. She reached for it- and everything vanished.
"You nearly had it," Trista commented. "Remember what I said, child. You cannot force saidar to your will. You must surrender, let it come to you, and gently guide it to your bidding. Try again."
Amadie walked out of the classroom as if floating on air that day. Twice more she had seen the glowing light of the One Power, and the last time, she had even managed to control her excitement enough to allow it to wrap around her. She had felt more alive in that moment than at any other time in her life. The glory of it still glowed within her, and carried her through an evening of endless chores, and on into bedtime.
Another week passed, and then a second, and Amadie became more and more comfortable with embracing the Source. By Bel Tine, she could hold onto the Source no matter how much noise her classmates made, though physical distractions still made her lose concentration. She could also tell the difference between the Five Powers, and create a small flame, and an equally small ball of light. She could also see when others channeled, something that apparently took most women a bit longer to learn.
So it was that a week after Bel Tine, Trista signed a note acknowledging that Amadie had learned all she could in a basic class, and was free to take extended instruction at the Mistress of Novice's discretion.
Taking the note, Amadie nearly danced out of the room, forgetting -for a moment- her actual age, and instead acting like the excitable child the Aes Sedai referred to her as.
