Fanfic:Haeden Sha'hal Ives
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Miahala & Caden's Chambers
Weeks had passed.
It had been a few weeks since Halana and Garin had kidnapped Mia, and then subsequently her husband and dearest friends, family, came to find her, to bring her home. She had been Healed of the physical injuries and they had checked the baby as well as they could, although none could guarantee that he or she had not suffered some sort of permanent injury.
The small break-through with Caden some days before had helped her begin to crawl out of the darkness she had wrapped herself in, but she had a long way to go. She still didn't want to leave her rooms and found herself reluctant to eat, still chased by what things had been left behind in her.
Sleeping remained uncertain, too. Dreams came often and she couldn't tell if they were dreams, or Dreams. Some of them frightened her in ways she could barely tolerate and didn't want to think about.
There was still a pervading sense of weakness in her. Although things were getting better, it still seemed to her that most of her strength had been spent and left behind in that cold cell, during those eternal hours when Garin had held her life and that of her child in his hands.
For Caden, the time after the kidnapping of his wife had been lined with the compromises between his duties as a husband and of being an Officer. He had to be there for Miahala because of her initial reaction to the incident, and at the same time, he had to keep the Yards running since both Firredal and Leanna's kinsman had resigned from their positions.
With the help of the Warder-Channeler Representative, Aric Cosamaru, he had managed, and stayed by Miahala's side as much as he possibly could. He had handled all the administrative duties from her quarters, and met with instructors and informants in the seldom used antechamber.
Besides this conflict of duties, and the strong need he felt to be with his wife after the kidnapping, the Black Ajah had torn his soul apart by what they had done to her. The scar on his face was old, but the mental wounds it had caused...
The stitching he had made in order to remain sane over the years had been clawed open by the terror of almost losing Miahala - by showing him just how it easy it had been to claim her from the Grey Tower halls. The one-time Gaidin named Garin had tortured her, and he might just as well have put his knife to Caden. The damage was the same, but on a more spiritual level.
The man he had been after he was burned - the manifestation of his hatred towards the Shadow - had reawakened. I wept not, so to ice within I grew. Now, he was the Reaper once again, with all it entailed. This black mirror-image of himself was there, inside his mind - a murderous beast without remorse. The Reaper craved justice for what had been done. Dare those who opposed him!
His and Miahala's child was due for birth before too long, and he would have to extend his protection to the young one too. Since Miahala had been targeted before, she was likely to be so again - and the best means to get her would be through the young child. The Reaper knew this because that was what he would do in their place.
The Black Ajah was there, waiting to make its move. The Shadow's devotees were still inside the battlements, hidden under their devious masks of innocence. The man named Garin was still free to roam the world, and Caden's useless informants could not locate his whereabouts!
There could not have been a worse time to receive the news from the North - from his estates in Arafel.
With his large fist balled around the letter, Caden stalked into the room where Miahala was resting. His glare was not directed at her, he was not even looking in her direction, but it had twisted his face to resemble the Reaper's immovable resolution. His voice was a guttural rumble, seeping of poison. His massive chest heaved in rare yet undeniable fury.
Perchance Miahala had not seen his fury quite so plain before - completely unrestrained by customary Gaidin composure. It was the Reaper she saw, plainly having complete possession of her husband's body.
"From these traitorous curs I have for kinsmen, oh Light, deliver me!" he said, lashing out with his fist against the front of a wardrobe. His fist struck a hole in one of the oaken doors. He yanked back a hand full of splinters and continued as if nothing had happened.
"They have usurped the High Seat! Niga managed to send me a letter before they took him captive! They mean to make war against the neighboring regions, to plunder and fatten their bellies before the Last Battle comes! My cousin Lebane has claimed the High Seat. He is now the Sword of the Ivy Cross, and he means to raise it against the commoners to fill their storages!"
Lowering his bleeding hand, Caden's white and green eyes found Miahala. "Those who fear the darkness have never seen what the Light can do," he said, suddenly as cold as a winter storm. Drops of blood fell from his knuckles to the floor. "The time of purification is at hand."
Miahala was resting on the bed, on her side, as the baby was growing heavy now. She had one hand laying on the swell of her belly where the infant was within her. She could feel it kick, now and then. It made her glad on the one side, though the well of guilt remained as deep as ever.
At this instant, though, she was silent and her eyes followed her husband as he acted a storm does in the wildness. She was not afraid of his anger or to see it, but her own psyche was of a nature to make it hard to feel confident in how she should proceed with him. "Perhaps you should put something on your hand," she said gently.
For a few more moments, she was quiet. A worry was growing in the base of her stomach. "What will you do?" she finally asked.
Two strides carried him to a table with the latest tray of food. He picked up the cotton napkin and wrapped it around his hand. "What I will do?" he said and looked back at her. "I have to stop him. I swore that I would see the House stand united in the Last Battle. Niga feared they would use him as means to make me acquiesce to the new ruler-ship. Lebane will kill him if I do not recognize him as the new High Seat. I have to go there, to put my House in order again!"
The swell of fear grew, justified in its concern. She was torn apart... fear for Caden as the shards of a dream filtered in to her mind, yet... Niga. She loved the old man dearly and couldn't think to not help him, yet at the same time, she knew she must remain and she felt her body tremble slightly with the thought of what might happen...
"Must you go?" she asked in a voice that was barely above a whisper. She pushed herself up on to a wavering stand, stepping towards him and resting her hands on his chest and seeing the images of the dream before her. She had tried not to think on it, and had been able to... so long as he was safe, with her. Yet, if he left...
"I had a dream," she went on quietly. "I saw... I saw you lying dead, and I kneeling over you, weeping and wailing, pain that cannot be measured. If you go??? it might be true. It can't be true. We can't let it be true. Can you not stay here, send someone else perhaps?" she pleaded softly. She knew the answer, but couldn't bear the thought.
Terror filled her eyes, although she tried to hold it back.
The Reaper faltered there, when the fright turned so plain in his wife's eyes. "Miahala," he rasped, back straight. "Please, you have to understand. I do not have a choice here. The future of my people depends on me. I cannot let this happen. I do not want to do this, but my duty compels me.
"Besides that, I have known Niga Santamar too many years to just let him perish in my own dungeons. He is old, my love. He would not survive such treatment. He may be as sharp as ever in his mind, but his body would betray him during such circumstances.
"You have said you cannot tell ordinary dreams from true Dreams, and I cannot neglect this due to what might and might not happen. Besides, how can you kneel over my body when I will be miles away? You cannot make the journey I will make in your current state. Oh, I would heed your warning if I had a choice, but I don't."
Her hands trembled. "But???" she started and stumbled over her words. She didn't have the confidence to press the point any further... she couldn't say anything else.
Not only that, she could not argue. He was right, and she knew it. In any other instant, she would have been out the door and on her horse before him, even. For now, though, she was restrained to her room and her weakened form, with only fear to keep her company once Caden had left.
"Then..." Tears flooded down her cheeks, but she tried to hold her voice steady. "Go if you must," was all she could say, but it was barely loud enough to be heard. Her eyes were wide and shook, like the rest of her, as she looked at him. She felt as though there were worlds between them.
He sighed deeply, closing his fist to let the napkin press tight around his fist. "Forgive me, Miahala. I have to do this. I hope you understand, and that when I return, I will be in time for the birth. I feel awful about this, but there is naught I can do to make this any easier on you. I will entrust your protection to three Unbonded Gaidin while I am gone, and send you word as soon as I possibly can."
Letting his hands close around her shoulders, he leaned down and kissed her forehead. "I love you," he said softly, a hoarse whisper for her ears alone. The Reaper wanted him to leave right away, but he was denied by the spirit that once had the body's possession. "I always will. My thoughts will be with you, and I hope you find it in your heart to understand and forgive me for this betrayal. Farewell Miahala, and await my swift return."
Mia managed to remain on her feet just long enough for him to walk out and then she broke, and she wept bitterly and sunk to the floor.
Later
A small amount of time had passed since Caden had left. Miahala had just pulled herself back to her feet, with a good deal of effort, and was leaning against the door frame when there was a knock. "Enter," she called quietly, although she was feeling terribly weak.
"Mother?" Ryne Gaidin, the second, said cautiously as he walked in. "Are you all right?" he asked with great concern when he saw his mother leaning heavily against the door frame, her features drawn and skin an ashen pale shade.
"I... I think so," she breathed, frowning. "Caden... There was trouble in Arafel, great trouble, with his house and he had to leave... He... he... left..." She felt her breath coming in sharp and ragged passes. Pain was slowly creeping through her, but she didn't want to alarm anyone... most of all herself.
Ryne was unconvinced and stepped closer, touching her elbow to help her stand. "Perhaps we should take you to the Infirmary," he said gently.
Her chest tightened with impending sobs as tears began to pour down her face. Her dream was still painful and fresh now in the front of her memory and she tried to push it away, but to little avail. "I think..." she began, but stopped when labor pains seized her.
Miahala had felt them often enough to know what they were, but these were worse than any others. It was like a violent hand of steel took hold of her and the pain radiated from her womb and even her back, shuddering out through the rest of her body as she sunk to the floor with a fearful scream.
"Mother!" Ryne shouted, bending quickly to catch her before she hit the ground. Fluid and blood started to hit the floor.
"The baby... It's... too soon..." Miahala whimpered as her son's arms caught her. "Oh Light," she went on and then she lost all consciousness.
Ryne had been a warder for many years, but never - even, admittedly, when he lost Quitara - had he found such terror enter his body as when he saw his mother crumble, bleeding, screaming, crying, in to his arms. It took all effort to keep himself together and lift her almost effortlessly from the ground and rush her to the Infirmary, praying to the Light that it wouldn't be too late...
Outside Tower Walls
It was the sound of thundering hooves in the darkness, coming from the direction that Caden had just departed... the sound of a single creature, running like wind. With a great heave, he pulled Winterbourne around and stared in the direction of the sound. Is the Black Ajah going to take advantage of this moment, where I am unprotected and alone? The Reaper made him draw his bastard saber and his mount raise on his rear hooves.
"So be it!" he hissed under his breath, his white eye shining in reflection to the distant moon. "Come and claim me..."
His saber held wide to the side, eyes opened wide in a mad gleam, Caden set off to meet his follower. Deep inside him, he was alarmed by the development. Miahala's dream might have been true. He might die this night, a night like any other.
Yet Amora had prophesied that he would see the Fourth Age before he died, and unless he had missed the Last Battle during the brief time on the road, he would survive even this night. Yet what faith do I really hold in Prophecy? And what says I will not be captured and tortured in the Black Ajah's care until the Shadow and Light finally have their showdown?
Those were just mere thoughts that skimmed across the surface of the Void - raindrops along adamant glass.
Leaping across a small crevice, one had had spotted just minutes ago while he rode north, Caden lashed aside a low tree branch with his saber and roared at the top of his lungs - the faceless stalker just below him on the path. His saber lashed back to make ready for an overhand strike.
"Hold, Brother!" The deep voice echoed along the road, coming from the darkness - a familiar voice.
And the glass shattered. Caden lowered his weapon and gradually reined in Winterbourne to a stop. Him?
The face that was soon revealed as Ryne Gaidin the second urged his horse in to the dim light of the moon. Even his stone features, classic to the Warder, were lined with emotion. "It's my mother," he said in a hoarse voice. He was speaking quickly, now that the defensive attack had been averted. "She's collapsed and Nahila Sedai says the baby is coming, early, and..." He swallowed hard. "She's bleeding a lot..." His voice shook as he said the next words. "More than I thought a person could..." Ryne pulled himself back together, barely. "We're... concerned. You must come at once!"
Staring at Miahala's son, looking like an imbecile, Caden absentmindedly sheathed his saber by his side. "She is in labor? Now!?" Before the prospect of what was happening, the Master of Arms did not know how to react. She is bleeding her life out, and I am here protecting titles! Yet, Niga he... He found himself immobilized by the dilemma, a dilemma that was rendered false by the fact that before all things else - his House, Niga and the commoners in his Arafellin province - came Miahala.
The bond was telling him that she was sleeping, but it appeared like her unconscious state was not as natural as he had thought. Despite all this, his mind could not make the instantaneous leap all at once and he found himself stupefied by the situation. Beyond all scope of duty and honor, all I have is her. She is bleeding, probably harvesting the afflictions Garin has sown upon her body, and I am not there!
"Aye... of course, let us ride!" He knew in that instant, deep inside and below the panic he felt for Miahala's health - for their child's too - that he would not be able to stop what was happening to his House. He would never be able to get to Niga Santamar in time. He would not be able to reclaim his House, and pull down Lebane from the High Seat.
He was not the Sword of the Ivy Cross anymore.
As a Warder, next to his Brother of Battle, he rode back to what truly mattered. I am sorry, you old fool. I hope you find your own way out of the mess I'm leaving you in. I will send help as soon as I can. Yet all misgivings he had about abandoning this chapter in his life was quenched as Miahala came to and screamed with pain and distress across the distance - directly into his mind.
Infirmary
Screams of agony struck out through the emptiness of the hour. Almost everyone was in bed, or at least in their own rooms by this point.
The Infirmary was strangely empty of patients with only a few left, all of which were sitting up and looking towards the end of the room with expressions of fearful wonder, uncertain of precisely what was going on... yet they all knew that it wasn't normal. They knew this because of how the Yellows were acting.
Nahila Sedai, who had been the Yellow caring for Mia through all this time, was shouting orders at the training Yellows assigned to work the Infirmary with her, most roused from their beds for the state of emergency.
It looked like a battle field.
The Yellow was giving orders and there were her nurses running to and fro, fetching and carrying things, while at the very end of the room was Miahala. She was lying on the infirmary table, sweat plastered hair and clothing against her skin as her back arched at angles that should not have been possible while pain contracted her to its will.
Blood was on the table, the clothes, the floor, all along the pathway leading in to the room and to the bed... It was on Ryne's clothing from having carried his mother in... It was on Nahila's hands. The screams were growing weaker, although the wracking contortions of her body were no less intense.
"She do no be reacting to the usual," Nahila muttered to herself. Aes Sedai composure was long out the window as she did what she could to keep mother and child alive. "Mia, do be stayin' with me!" she ordered, looking up to see the pain glossed eyes staring at the ceiling, fading.
At that moment, Caden entered the Infirmary with Ryne in his wake. It was a place he had been many times before, but never had a visit affected him quite as much as this one. His green eye was as wide as his white one as he slowly walked towards his wife.
Blood was a common sight to him, but never in this way - in the way it signaled just how accurate the bond was in depicting what Miahala was going through. Her consciousness was beginning to shy away from all the pain, just as his eye began to take it all in.
Ryne came to stand in the door way, letting those who needed to be there to be there without him stepping in the way, but he couldn't leave. That was his mother...
After news of the kidnapping had reached Ryne and Sadira, both had returned to the Tower and were enlisted as envoys to the siblings unable to return by way of the Power. Sadie now came rushing up, fetched by a Novice. Her hair was unbound and her dress was in array. She had the look of Aes Sedai serenity only so long as it took to reach her brother, Scerai immediately in tow.
"How..." Sadie asked, trembling as she laid her hand on her brother's upper arm, cringing at the sounds of agony coming from the other end of the room.
"I don't know," Ryne said with a thick voice.
Reaching Miahala's side, Caden crouched down and his hands - one bandaged but both trembling slightly - found hers. "My love?" he whispered, trying to reach her somehow, to be there for her while she was not there at all. The bond told him she was in a world of her own. "Miahala!"
It was to no avail, though. Mia didn't hear him, not precisely at least. Her body gave a shudder at his touch, but her head had fallen back against the bed and her eyes closed. She was still breathing, but it was laborious, rasping. Her body was wrung, worn out.
"If ever she be needing strength, it do be now," Nahila said gently, but firmly. "Speak to her! Do be bringing her back or we may be losing them both!"
The Aes Sedai knew what she did, and Caden understood a need when it was presented - yet she managed to put words to something he would not allow himself to even think. The Reaper could do nothing to help him, as impotent as a sword without an arm to swing it. He alone, as a man and husband, was all that remained to stand in Death's way. And he was not have these two souls!
"Miahala, my love... Listen to me!" His hands clutched hers more firmly, beseeching her to find the strength. It was not over yet, it could not be! "I am here, by your side. Look at me, for I am here, right beside you." What could he possibly say to make her realize that he had in fact returned. Bereft of words, he stood up and placed his hands on the sides of her head.
"You opened the gates to my heart," he rasped, talking in a low but urgent voice. "You came inside; took up residence in that dismal place. You returned life to what was barren and cold." He willed his hands to stop shaking and they grew still on her cheeks.
"You let the light inside my battlements; warmed the walls so that spring finally came to me. You made me feel again! Am I to nevermore feel your warmth? Now - when we have survived so much together? Do not let me go on without you, Miahala. Do not leave me to die! Without you, I am just a broken man, a freak without a purpose. I am nothing without you."
He lowered his head and leaned his forehead against hers. "I beg of you... come back into my heart..."
All of the muscles of her body went in to a spasm and her body contracted again, launching her one more time in to the world of the living just as she had drifted on the edge, floating in and out of the world of those long passed. Her eyes opened and they still were glassy with the pain, but there was a slightly clearer edge now.
Tears poured down her cheeks and she fell back when the contraction abandoned her. Weakly, the faintest of smiles came. "You came back," she whispered.
Before he had a chance to say anything though, another contraction came to her and seized her. She screamed again with pain, but suddenly Nahila's panic wasn't nearly as... pessimistic. "Closer, this be good! It do be meaning that the baby is almost with us," she explained and then looked up at Mia. "When I be saying push, I need you to be giving me everything that you do be able to give and greet your new child."
"I don't know if I can," Mia sobbed. "I... I don't know. I feel... I feel so weak."
Holding one of her hands with both his own, Caden was not so startled at his wife's recovery that he did not find himself in the situation.
"My love," he rasped. "You can, and I have yet to see you as weak! You have fought this fight before. You can prevail again! I cannot help you in this battle, for you are alone in facing what needs to be done. I am here for you, but you have to fight! I love you, Miahala, and I would never fall in love with a woman who would stand down in a battle as important as this one. I know you Miahala, you are not that kind of a woman."
Muscles twitched as she looked at him again and briefly past him, seeing the terrified looks of her other children standing in the door way. Her sight blurred with tears as she looked at him again. "For you..." she breathed, and then it ended in a blinding spiral of pain.
"Push!"
It felt like she was being torn in two. This was by far the worst of any of her other births and there was a part of her that didn't think she could, but... she did. The scream ripped her throat from her body, but then it ended.
A baby's cry pierced the room and everyone let out a breath that they didn't know they'd been holding.
After a few moments, one of the younger ones - a Dedicated, aspiring Yellow - carried the little boy over to Caden and gave him a wearied smile. "It's a boy," he said and then glanced back at Mia, who had slumped with exhaustion again just as Nahila came and pushed them all out of the way.
"Now, I can be with the Healing," she said. "Move, move," she ushered them off and touched Mia's face with both hands.
With arms meant for war, it felt awkward to accept the baby into his embrace. Yet as the child settled into the bend of his arm, his bandaged hand reached out to rest against the small body. Our son, he thought, his mismatched gaze resting upon the new life he was holding. "We will make the Fourth Age a time worth living in, for your sake alone, if no other. Together, if granted the time. I do so swear, my lad."
Ten Days Later, Miahala & Caden's Chambers
Caden was asleep, at least she thought he was.
He was sleeping behind her, wrapped protectively around her in much the same way that he had been for the past days - even more than in the weeks before. She didn't mind, though. It was a comfort and gave her a feeling of security that was very welcome.
Miahala was also lying on her side, her back pressed to his chest. She was wide awake with the baby lying, wrapped up warmly, on the bed beside her and she played with the tiny fingers. He'd been early, but strong and healthy all the same, according to Nahila.
After the birth, Mia had been Healed and treated for the loss of blood and the difficult labor, and after ten day's worth of solid resting, she'd been allowed to return - her and her child - to their rooms, although both remained closely tended.
"Haeden," she whispered to him the name that she and Caden had decided on, once she was conscious and coherent again.
Her mind rolled through everything that had happened. She thought about being kidnapped and tortured, what had come of that, and of her recovery. Mia thought of the things that she had told Caden and what he had said to her, but it wasn't until this moment, as she gazed in to the face of the child, that she began to truly believe it and feel the belief.
"I'm sorry," she told the little one. Tears slipped silently from her eyes. "I hope that one day maybe you'll understand, although I'll never tell you... but I see you, and now I know I'll be forgiven. No forgiving world, life or Light would have wanted me to have given it up just to save ourselves, because then what sort of world would I have been giving to you?" she continued whispering, but to say it out loud, even so softly... It helped.
"But your mother is stronger than she thinks," she went on. "And your father is a hero. What a man you're going to be. Maybe you'll be the one to save the world, when the end of the world comes. I just hope that we will have been able to guide you by our own choices, and continue to guide you through it. It's a scary place out there, Haeden, but you come in to this world surrounded by a lot of love and a lot of people willing to sacrifice for you. I think you'll be just fine."
She kissed the top of his head tenderly and then rested her own deeper in to the pillow, not to go to sleep just yet, but to keep watch over him.
The father of the child was listening to her soft words, yet did not want to disturb his wife in this moment of honesty. He wanted to explain to her that there were no heroes but she in the battles they ever fought, and that he was merely her protector.
He did not wish to wake the child with his voice either, so he remained silent and did not sleep like other men did. He would protect them both. And this child, he would be there for - a presence to be relied upon; that would never lead him astray.
It was not the end of all issues or worries, fears or concerns. The world was still a dark place and there were still troubles to be seen to, fought, fixed, and more coming, for there always was. Nothing was truly as it should be, but they would act as if it were and fight for it to be...
Still, in that instant at least, there was finally a little peace for the husband and his wife and their new child, after a long road of darkness just now passing behind them in the face of the light and the life ahead.
