Fanfic:Disappointments with the Frog
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First Arch
The first time is for what was...
The words breezed through Kaihan's mind, causing him to stumble. He caught himself before he fell, and shot a frown at the serving man hurrying along at his side. If the man had noticed Kaihan's lack of coordination he said nothing, gave no indication. Which, of course, was not surprising: all the servants in the fortress were well aware of the young lord's temper. But where had that thought come from? Kaihan had been thinking of the banquet to be held in his honour that night, a feast to celebrate his engagement, and the cold words that seemed so ethereal had not been his own. After a moment's thought he pushed them to one side, and moved on.
The stone walls and floors of the fortress's corridors made them cold, but Kaihan's apartments were sumptuous. Thick carpets lined the floors of his sitting room, the walls had been painted warm colours and hung with fresh tapestries, and thickly padded armchairs and cushions were scattered all around. Kaihan sat in his favourite chair, in front of the crackling fire, and his servant came to stand by his side. Kaihan did not look up at him as he spoke. "Do not dawdle, Hasrim. Tonight will be perfect, and I will hold you personally responsible should I not look the part. After you have brought my afternoon repast you may prepare my clothes. The new black silk from Arad Doman, I think, and I will wear the silver chain Senelle brought me."
Hasrim bowed, hurried out of the room, and shortly returned with a tray of cold meats, bread, cheese, plums, and steaming wine. As Kaihan ate he reflected on his life. Tonight his betrothal to the Lady Senelle Dusaro would be made official. Within the year he would be married, and his father would hand him the deeds to his own estates. House Masawi was a prosperous one, and Kaihan and his wife would have a life filled with happiness in front of them. Everything they desired would be theirs. He smiled with satisfaction.
Later that evening he was to be found sweeping through the corridors once more, but this time resplendent in silks and silver. Hasrim was attired in colours to match his Lord, although the servant's fabrics were of considerably lesser quality. After his father, mother, and older siblings, Kaihan was the first of the higher nobility to enter the Great Hall. He took his place at the centre of the high table, Hasrim attentive behind him, and waited as the lesser nobility filed in. His soon-to-be betrothed would be the last to enter: not due to her rank, of course, but in order to present herself to House Masawi and its supplicants.
Kaihan was not disappointed when Senelle made her entry. The young woman was the perfect picture of elegance and beauty, her long dark hair coiled stylishly on the top of her head, her bright brown eyes as demonstrative of her happiness as the slight flush that darkened her otherwise pale skin. As she moved towards the high table, to take her place next to Kaihan, she stepped slowly, to allow the assembled lords and ladies the chance to see her properly. Kaihan stood as she drew near, and bowed deeply.
"My lady," he murmered as he straightened and extended his right hand. Senelle placed her left hand in his outstretched palm, the touch of her cool skin sending a thrill through his body. Kaihan gently kissed the back of her hand, and Senelle curtsied. Kaihan reluctantly released her hand, and Senelle curtsied again, to both the Lord and Lady of the House. The formalities were over, and as the young couple took their seats the feasting began.
Kaihan sat back with a sigh. His belly was full, and he absently rubbed it with one hand. To his right, Senelle was chatting animatedly with one of Kaihan's sisters, and Kaihan smiled as he watched her. He thought he had never been so contented.
The way back will come but once.
Kaihan frowned, and sat up. That had been the same voice that he had heard before, despite the different words. Who was talking to him? He cast his gaze around uneasily, but no one was looking at him. Everyone was absorbed in their own conversations, or their drink. He shrugged, and was about to dismiss the voice as the result of too much wine, when it touched his mind once more, this time more insistently.
The way back will come but once.
Suddenly, a flash to his left caught his eye, and he turned in his seat. A tall archway seemingly composed of magnificent silver stood several spans away, between the high table and the one below. A clear, silver glow blazed in the archway. Kaihan stood, and knocked the table as he did so; his wine glass fell over, and a crimson stain slowly made its way across the white tablecloth. But it seemed nobody else had noticed the arch; everyone was as they had been moments before. Senelle, however, had seen him knock over his wine, and lightly touched his arm.
"Kaihan? Is something wrong?"
"Don't you see it, Senelle, don't you - "
The way back will come but once.
This time the voice was louder, more insistent, and Kaihan's unease grew. A horrible feeling was uncoiling in his stomach, and somehow he knew that the arch was meant for him. That he had to go through it. Something about this, this wonderful dinner, his beautiful Lady, was not real. Yet it was so perfect.
Kaihan took a step towards the arch, and then another. Behind him Senelle stood. "Kaihan, my love, what is wrong? Why are you acting so strangely?"
Kaihan looked back, and began to reach out to her, but as he did so the feeling inside him tugged. He knew that whatever decision he made would be final, that if he did not go through that archway, that if he stayed, this would be his life. But somehow he knew that this was all wrong, it was all a play, a farce, that he was being taunted. Even though he did not know what his true life was, he knew that it was through that archway. With a sinking stomach he turned back to the silver glow, and as he moved towards it his steps increased in speed. He felt his heart wrench as he stepped into the light, and was consumed.
Second Arch
The second time is for what is...
"Be quiet, Elsa! I told you, no talking until we are in the storeroom," Kaihan hissed at the novice following close on his heels. "If any Aes Sedai or Asha'man find us here, we will both be in serious trouble, and I do not want them assigning servants to follow me around all day so that I don't come down here again." The Dedicated had stopped, and turned around; as he spoke he stared straight into the novice's eyes, and the girl flushed under his scrutiny.
"I did no say a word, Dedicated Kaihan," she whispered, her tone scared but excited.
Kaihan frowned. "Then who did?" For a moment the pair just stared at each other, straining their senses. Kaihan was the first to shake his head. "No one else is here, but still, keep quiet!" As he turned around the novice stuck her tongue out at his back, then covered her mouth with a hand to discourage the giggle that threatened to bubble loose.
Fortunately they did not meet a soul as they made their quiet way towards the Indigo Ajah's ter'angreal storerooms, and Kaihan was glad. Had he been alone he would have been able to invent a plausible excuse for his presence, but the novice was all too free with her expressions and would have given them away in an instant. Yet Kaihan had grudgingly had to admit to himself that he needed a female channeler, and Elsa was still young and gullible enough to be easily convinced to help him.
Kaihan seized saidin when they reached the storeroom, and disarmed the ward that had been woven across its door. Some rooms were guarded by saidin, others by saidar, a fact that had, obviously, helped Kaihan choose the room in which he was to carry out his studies. The other factor was that this particular room contained only a single ter'angreal, an enormous book engraved with designs of torture that made the Dedicated shudder to even look at. The urge to open the book disturbed him.
After Elsa had hurried in after him, Kaihan closed the door and used flows of Earth to weld it temporarily shut. Should anyone come along he would have warning. "Sit there," he said, pointing to the room's single chair, a rickety affair that sat in front of the equally unstable table. The girl obeyed with alacrity, and Kaihan walked to one corner of the room. With a quick weave he slashed the wards he had created there, and his treasure was exposed.
The ter'angreal he had stolen from the M'Hael's office was small, a wooden frog with black, beady eyes that seemed to draw one in. It was a flycatcher, and while still a Soldier Kaihan had discovered the principles that made it function. He had nearly burnt himself out in the process. Surrounding the ward was a web of saidin, composed entirely of threads of Fire. The weave had not been visible when Kaihan had first studied the ter'angreal: exposing it had been the event that nearly severed him permanently from the Source. He picked the frog up, and set it on the table in front of Elsa.
"What do it be?" The novice cooed, reaching towards it.
"Don't touch!" Kaihan snapped, pushing the girl's hand away. "You do not need to know what it is, or what it does. The less you know the better. All that I require of you is your ability to channel saidar." Elsa nodded, blushing furiously.
"Now, you told me you know how to link. We shall do so now. Prepare yourself."
Kaihan began to reach towards saidin, extending his will towards the novice. Nothing happened. "Well, child? Why are you not ready?"
"I...I am!" She stammered. "I do be doing what I have done before. I do be trying my hardest, Dedicated. I do promise."
Kaihan was about to berate her further, when he suddenly realised something. He could have hit himself. "Light blast it!" He exclaimed, and the girl cringed away from him. "I should have realised! When a man and a woman link, the woman must be in control of the circle." He sighed, and looked at Elsa, who stared back, a look of concern gradually spreading across her face. "Well, there is nothing for it. You will have to weave, but only as I direct you. Understood?"
Elsa hesitated, but Kaihan frowned, and she swallowed. "Yes, Dedicated. I understand." Kaihan nodded curtly, and told the girl to prepare to lead. In a few moments they were linked. To Kaihan the feeling was very strange, and he felt full of wonder. Saidar was so sweet, so pure, such a contrast to the raging, dangerous torrent that was the male half of the True Source. He shook himself out of his reverie.
"Let us begin. Are you ready?" Elsa nodded. "Good. First, you must -"
The way back will come but once.
Kaihan froze, and felt a wrenching in his gut. "Did you hear something?" The novice shook her head, her gaze darting all around. Kaihan listened for a moment more. Nothing. "Never mind. As I was saying: I want you to reach towards the ter'angreal with a thread of Fire. A single thread, mind you, and gently."
Elsa nodded, a grimace of concentration fixed on her face. Light, I wish I could see what she's doing, he thought as he watched the ter'angreal. But he was prepared. Should anything happen, he was determined to see. The more complicated mechanics of this ter'angreal had been eluding him for some time, and he hoped that by introducing saidar into the equation something would be revealed. He was not prepared for the hammer blow that suddenly struck him, knocking him out of his chair.
As he lay on the floor, his head spinning, he felt the bile rising inside him. He turned to one side, and retched. After the urge to vomit had disappeared, and his vision cleared, he turned to Elsa. The girl was lying a few paces from him, groaning. Kaihan crawled towards her, and dragged his coat off before slipping it under her head.
"Elsa? Elsa, can you hear me?"
The Illianer novice opened her eyes wide, and suddenly her breath caught. "It do be gone." Her voice came out as a croak, and tears welled in her eyes.
The way back will come but once.
Kaihan ignored the mysterious voice this time, concentrating on the girl in front of him. "Gone? What has gone?"
Elsa did not look at him. She barely seemed to be aware of his presence. "It do be gone. Saidar. I...I...do no feel it when I do reach for it." Kaihan stared at her, a feeling of horror rising, but the voice came a third time, more insistent, breaking through the anguish.
The way back will come but once.
Immediately behind the prostrate girl an arch appeared, glowing with silvery light, and Kaihan jerked his head up. I cannot leave her! He cried out his mental pain, for somehow he knew that he had to go through the archway. If he left Elsa, she would likely remain undiscovered for some time, alone with her terror. At that moment the girl turned her face towards him, tears streaking her face.
"Do something!" She shrieked, and curled into a tight ball, wailing.
The way back will come but once.
Kaihan rocketed to his feet, and leapt forward. He could not dwell on what would happen to Elsa: if he did not make it through that archway he would be lost. He fell into the light, and it was as if the flesh were being seared from his bones.
Third Arch
The third time is for what will be...
The wind was almost strong enough to knock a man off his feet, and swept the thought out of Kaihan's head before he could catch hold of it. He glanced backwards, looking at his companion as he vaguely wondered whether she had said something, but Velaine only raised a questioning eyebrow. Kaihan grinned slightly, and shook his head. "I think this place is getting to me, sister. I thought I heard something, but it must have been the wind whistling through my head."
Velaine laughed, a deep, throaty sound. She was a beautiful woman, tall and dark, and the ageless look of the Aes Sedai only made the Indigo sister seem more elegant. "I almost worry for you, Kaihan, but I must admit to feeling somewhat uneasy myself. The experience of travelling through the stone has shaken me to the core. It gave me many insights I never thought I would see." Any semblance of amusement had left the Aes Sedai's face; now creases furrowed her forehead, and Kaihan saw her knuckles whitening as they clenched her cloak even tighter around her. He smiled reassuringly. "Come Velaine. The quicker we reach the city, the sooner we can leave."
The Indigo nodded briefly, and the pair started moving again, battling against the wind that seemed determined to force them backwards. When they reached their destination Kaihan could not help but wish that he had given way to the wind's will.
They entered Elman's Creek from the East, and as they past by the first of its houses they were astounded by the desolation. Not a soul was in sight. The houses were in a severe state of disrepair; many roofs had fallen in, walls were crumbling, and trees and weeds were vying for places to spread their roots in the overgrown yards and fallen masonry. Kaihan and Velaine turned to each other as one. Looking into the Yellow's eyes, Velaine whispered, "what has happened here?" Kaihan slowly shook his head. "Come, sister, let us move on. I can only pray that the Tower is in a better state."
As they approached the Grey Tower's mighty gates there was little sign that this was the case. The huge walls had immense holes in them, as if some giant had bashed his way through. The Warder training yards had become miniature forests. Kaihan and Velaine both sighed, and it took all their effort to force them to continue.
As they entered the Tower's main building, Kaihan suddenly stopped, and put one hand on Velaine's shoulder to stop her going on. "Look," he whispered, pointing at the floor in front of them. In the thick dust that coated the tiles, a clear set of foot prints meandered away down the corridor.
Velaine turned to Kaihan, he eyes shining with excitement, her cheeks flushed. "Could it be?"
"I don't know, Velaine, I don't know. But, by the Light, if the Creator has a say in this world...let it be..." He allowed a small smile to creep onto his face, and squeezed the Indigo's shoulder.
They moved on, heading down the corridor, turning corners at random as they explored the Tower. As they went they noticed small differences in the architecture, a different statue in the niche opposite the door to the kitchens, a narrow corridor parallel to the one leading to the Amyrlin and M'Hael's offices that did not exist in the Tower they knew. Wherever they went they noticed small signs that someone had been here: footprints, scraps of fabric, a shattered vase that was coated in only a thin layer of dust.
They were about to enter the Novice and Soldier Halls when they heard a crash behind them, followed by a muttered curse. As one they turned, and, their breath catching, they glanced at each other before sprinting in the direction of the noises. Kaihan skidded around the corner marginally before Velaine, and was the first to see the man they had been searching for for so long.
The way back will come but once.
The thought stopped Kaihan in his tracks, but his elation was so great that he shoved it away. "Uncle," he breathed. Velaine came to stand beside him, and rested one hand on the Yellow's back, a sign of reassurance and support.
The man in front of them would have been old were it not for the effects of the Oath Rod. As it was, his face was lined more than one would expect of an Asha'man. That he was Asha'man was clear: he still wore the clothes he had worn the day he had disappeared, and tattered and thin they may be, but the yellow cord that hung from his arm by a few stitches identified him instantly.
Yet Kaihan did not need the cord to recognise this man. He had last seen Kyelen Nachiman when Kaihan was but a young child, but he had held deep affection for his uncle and the older man's face had never disappeared from his memory.
"Uncle," he repeated, forcing back the tears that threatened to spill down his cheeks.
The man in front of them froze, then slowly turned his face towards the younger man and the woman at his side. The look in his eyes was feral, and he clearly did not recognise his nephew. Perhaps he did not even recognise fellow members of his own species.
"Kyelen," Kaihan uttered, choking back a sob. He began to reach for his uncle, but the other man hissed and stepped backwards, nearly falling over a stone that had fallen from the crumbling walls.
The way back will come but once.
Kaihan froze. The voice was loud, forcing its way into his head, but before he could question it an archway appeared down the corridor, the bright white light it emanated silhouetting the crouching, snarling figure of his uncle. Kaihan took a step towards the arch before he realised what he was doing. It was drawing at him, as if he were on a string and some person hidden within its glow was dragging him towards it. No! I've only just found him! He cried in his mind, taking another staggering step.
But somehow he could not stop. This world he was in was not real, not even for what it was. His walk became a run, and he shouldered past Kyelen. He could hear Velaine's calls as he ran forward, but the last thing he heard before he fell into the arch's light was a lower, louder call of anguish.
