Fanfic:Cleaning House
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"It's not here," Ninya muttered irritably. "I have looked and looked, and it is not here." She glared at the book in frustration, and thumped it shut; the action earned a glare from the Brown who oversaw that depository. The Accepted ignored the look as she stacked the books she had strewn about the table in front of her. She had been trying to learn more about Foretelling for weeks now, and despite poring over every book the Library on the subject, she had not learned anything new, save that the Karaethon Cycle was confusing. Reluctantly, she placed the books on the cart to be put away, and left the library. With that resource exhausted, she only had one option: she would need to speak to the Indigos. It wasn't that she specifically disliked the Ajah; many of its members had been very kind to her in her time in the Ajah, and she did like talking to them on occasion. What made her reluctant was their persistent desire to study her -as if she were an object, not a person- since the discovery that she had the gift of prophecy. By asking them for help she would also be offering herself for scholarly research...and she did not like that idea at all.
The door she found herself outside of belonged to Lorenne Marcella, an Indigo who had been one of the first to be raised to the shawl after the formation of the Grey Tower. She had joined the Indigo due to her interest in Talents; ter'angreal interested her very little, though she always brought those she found outside the Tower to put in the Vaults. It was said she had studied every book the White Tower had on the Talent of Foretelling during her time there as an Accepted, and had also studied and taken notes on every person who had ever professed the ability in the Grey Tower. Although she did not have the Talent herself, she seemed the most knowledgeable on the subject...and she certainly knew more than anyone who actually did have the Talent. Ninya had asked.
She forced herself to knock. To wait. Finally the door opened, and the Aes Sedai who had opened it simply barked a short laugh when she saw Ninya. "I told you that you'd be coming to me, girl," she said, "Come in." Ninya curtsied, then went through the door. She towered head and shoulders over the Cairhienin woman; feeling awkward, she found a seat as soon as the Aes Sedai indicated she could. "So you want to learn more about your Talent, do you?"
Ninya nodded mutely, fingers trembling as she lifted the cup of tea the woman had given her to her lips. She sipped; the scent and taste of tea helped calm her nerves. "I have read much in the last few weeks," she said quietly. "I have learned that there have been those with this Talent who are able to remember what they Foretell- some, even, who are able to look ahead in the Pattern at will, and see what is to come. I do not envy them that ability...I fear the day, should it ever come, that I am capable of that." She shivered. "All I am seeking to learn at this time is how to remember when -and what- I have foretold. Right now, I am a tool; anyone could use me to their own advantage; those who have fewer scruples could lie about what I have said, and I would not know any better."
The dark gem that dangled on the other woman's forehead swayed as she nodded. "Very wise of you, daughter," she said, setting her cup down. She stood, and went to the shelves that lined her sitting room. "Foretelling is a tool, one that has a specific time and place for its use. Most of those with the Talent currently have spoken only one or two prophecies, and those were vague. Most have not been placed to any specific event at all. Yours, however...you have given two prophecies in as many years, and they were quite coherent; both times, the events they referred to have been very clear." Ninya blinked at the Aes Sedai. Twice? When was the first time? She hid her confusion; eventually, she would learn what it was. If she had learned nothing else during her time at the Tower, she knew that questioning an Aes Sedai about something she did not want to share would lead to nothing productive.
"Ah, here it is," the Indigo said, pulling a book from the shelf and bringing it back to the table. She flipped through it quickly, but her fingers were gentle; the book was old, and there were loose pages in with those still bound into the leather cover. "Elisa Tarine wrote this book; she was an Aes Sedai of the Brown Ajah, during the reign of Artur Hawkwing." She seemed to find the page she was looking for. "While she was in the city we now know as Cairhien, she happened upon a woman named Narisa who claimed she could see the future. Her neighbors thought her barking mad, although they still went to her for herbal remedies when they needed them. Elisa found Narisa, and studied her ability. Narisa was a Wilder, of course, and she could Foretell. Her prophecies really had driven her insane; in the end, she leaped from the city walls to end the visions that had destroyed her life." Ninya blinked in shock. "Before the Wilder died, however, Elisa managed to record much that had been lost about the Talent of Foretelling, including how Narisa learned to remember what she said, and that is why this book will be helpful." She continued to flip through the pages, muttering quietly to herself, while Ninya sipped at her tea and tried to still her shaky hands. Finally, the Cairhienin woman looked up.
"Your first step will be to learn absolute serenity," she said, "and that is why you don't normally hear of an Accepted who can remember her prophecies. Every thought in your mind must be organized and put in its proper place. Imagine it as a vast room if you must, one that desperately needs cleaning. Spend time each day cleaning it out, and putting things where they belong. Do not let anything out of its proper place without being aware of its presence. Once you have mastered this art, you will become more aware of your surroundings, your thoughts, your emotions...and your prophecies. It will take practice; I do not expect you to be able to do it overnight, and neither should you. Eventually, you may even learn to control everything that happens as well as be aware of it; once you have learned that art, you will be able to, as you said, look ahead in the Pattern."
Ninya blinked at her. "That's all? That sounds very much like what I was told when I learned to channel," she said, her mind whirling with thought.
"It is a very similar concept," the Aes Sedai said comfortably. "The main difference is that when you are able to touch the Source, your soul wants to surrender to it. All you have to do, to use another metaphor, is clear the path to the door. With Foretelling however, the Wheel itself is revealing bits of the Pattern to you -for what purpose, the Light alone knows- and your mind does not have room for that concept. If you seek to truly understand what is happening and be aware of it, you must make a place for what is happening, in the same way you would make room for a large piece of furniture in a house."
The metaphors were making Ninya's head hurt, but she thought she could understand. She nodded slowly. "So I'm cleaning house in my brain, to make room for a new concept," she said carefully, "as opposed to simply clearing a path from the door to a pre-existing idea." The Aes Sedai nodded sharply. "I think I understand. I will practice, Lorenne Sedai. Thank you."
Ninya left the room, and went directly to the gardens. If there was any place to begin her practice, the calm serenity of blue skies, wind, and the scent of flowers was definitely that place. She found a seat amidst a sea of violets, and closed her eyes. Breathing deeply, she envisioned a rose, her favorite novice exercise. Once the calm necessary to channel had reached her, she surrendered to herself, rather than into the Source, and began the long, slow process of ordering her mind.
The ensuing months saw her return to that same area on a daily basis, sitting cross-legged on the grass with eyes closed, sorting her thoughts out. As time went on, her teachers and companions began to remark on a difference in her demeanor; a calm serenity about her that seemed reminiscent of the Aes Sedai she would one day be. She thought before she spoke or acted, and she excelled at all her studies, even those she had struggled with before. Something within her had changed for good; eventually she stopped going to the garden every day; her thoughtful ways had become a habit, one she would never stop practicing.
When her next Foretelling came a few years later, Ninya remembered every word.
