Fanfic:Choices and Reasons

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Choices and Reasons
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Again, she dreamed. She dreamed of the sky split by lightning, men clashing in battle, Children of the Light and Aes Sedai, and a darkness that spread like a disease over the land. Through it all, she felt a sense of helplessness. It was an old dream, and Corrielle had not had it for many years. She thought it strange she would dream it again on the night before she was to become an Accepted of the Grey Tower. Now, as in her childhood, she woke with a determination to fight the darkness in her dream. Always, she had dismissed the dream as the product of an overactive imagination. As a child, she had listened to the gleemen and travelers that frequented her adopted father's inn. She drank in their tales and stories like they were air and her mother blamed her recurring nightmare on "tales not fit for a child's ears." Now, Corrielle was not so sure.

She followed the Aes Sedai who had summoned her to the chamber where she would be tested. All of her hard work as a novice was about to pay off. She felt a mixture of trepidation and excitement as the ancient words were intoned over her. She stripped off her dress, folded it, and lay it neatly on the stone floor.

"This time is for what was. The way back will come but once. Be steadfast." Corrielle barely noticed the words. She walked through the first silver arch…


It was dusk, but the sky to the east of her was lit with an unnatural light. She looked down at her once fine dress. The blue silk was ripped and stained with dirt and blood. She was not sure if the blood was her own, or someone else's. The way back will come but once. Be steadfast. She shook her head and wondered if she were going crazy, hearing voices. Behind her, someone started shouting.

"Kellan! Kellan! Over here!" Who is Kellan? She thought, and turned to see a man in the shape-shifting cloak worn only by warders running toward her. Kellan, that is my name… "I'm so glad I found you! He is going to destroy the city, and himself as well if you don't come soon!" "What would I be able to do about it, Saril?" she asked, surprised she knew the name of the warder. He is my warder, she thought.

"Lord Neseldran is your father, after all. Surely he will listen to his oldest daughter," Saril told her. My father? My father is Darol Nerander… She shook her head. Who was Darol Nerander? Her father was Rallith Neseldran, a minor but well respected Andoran lord.

"Take me to him," she ordered. Saril led her through the streets of the city, and she was shocked to recognize Caemlyn. Half of the buildings they passed were abandoned, and the other half were shuttered tightly. Every few minutes, lightning would crack somewhere to the east, and every step they took brought them closer to its source. They came upon him in the middle of a square. He was haggard. His black hair hung limply in his face and his eyes seemed to be swallowed by the rest of his hollow face. Kellan called to him, "Father! It's me, Kellan!" He jumped at the sound of her voice, and stared at her.

"Oh Light!" he moaned. "What are you still doing here? Did I not send your mother and sisters away? Why are you not with them?"

"I am here to help you, father," she said gently, taking a step toward him. Rallith thrust his hand out in front of her.

"No! You must go. It gets worse all the time…oh Light. What if I lose control and you are still in the city? Get out! Leave me!" To emphasize his point, a ball of fire crashed on the wall behind Kellan's head.

"He is too far gone," she whispered to Saril. "The taint has robbed him of his sanity." He nodded and looked sadly at her.

"Then you know what must be done, Kellan Sedai. The sisters gave you a chance to try and help him, but there is nothing you can do for him. We must summon them so he can be stopped before he kills any more innocent people." Numbly, she nodded. As she turned her back, she saw thirteen women come into the square. Kellan gave one of them a surprised look. "Was I not to be one of them?" she asked. The other Aes Sedai shook her head and looked at her sympathetically.

"It would be cruel. We could not ask you to help in the gentling of your own father, and the rest of us can do what must be done." Kellan, leaning heavily on Saril's arm, turned and walked the other way. She didn't have to look to know the circle of thirteen was forming.

"Kellan!" her father's anguished voice called her. "Help me!" She turned, and saw her father standing in the center of the Aes Sedai, and beside them, a silver gate. The way back will come but once. Be steadfast. She broke Saril's gentle hold on her arm and ran towards them. Rallith looked relieved as he saw his daughter running back to him, but the expression on his face changed to desperation as she ran past him to the silver arch. "Don't leave me here, Kellan!" he shouted after her. I am strong in the Power, she thought, I could stop them, but… Kellan's eyes filled with tears, but she forced herself to plunge through the arch. Light filled everything……


The cold water was poured over her head, and an Aes Sedai announced her washed clean of all sin. She wondered if she could ever be washed clean of the sin of leaving her father to his fate. But I had never seen that man in my life, she thought. I should have done something, though. I suppose the best thing I can do is become Aes Sedai and learn how to fight the Dark One. One day, saidin may be pure. She did not have time to think about her strange experience in the first arch, for it was time for her to face the second test.

"The second time is for what is. The way back will come but once. Be steadfast," the Aes Sedai said. Corrielle walked resolutely toward the glowing arch.


"There is strange news in the Queen's Guards, Corri," her husband Daris said as he walked in the door.

"You can tell me about it as we play," she said, taking the board for stones down off of the shelf. It was a tradition they had established when they first married. Married, she thought, to Daris? That is ridiculous! He is my near-brother! She shook her head. The thought disturbed her. She could not imagine being married to anyone else. "Where are the children?" he asked as they each made their opening moves.

"Asleep. It is later than usual," she answered. Daris smiled at her as she made her next move.

"I've known you since we were children, and you use that move every time we play!" he said triumphantly, his grey eyes dancing, thinking he was about to capture some of her stones.

"That," she told him, with a secretive smile, "is because you always fall for it." With that, she proceeded to capture several of her husband's pieces. "Now, what was it you were going to tell me? What news is there?"

"There are many rumors, half of them too far-fetched to be believed. They say that Tarmon Gaidon is coming, and the armies of Artur Hawkwing have returned. They say this al'Thor fellow is the Dragon Reborn, and, get this, the White Tower has made an alliance with the Children of Light." Corrielle shuddered at that last one. Though they never talked about it, she knew Daris could channel. Many times, she had wished for a place where he could learn without being afraid. She had refused to let him go to the Black Tower. It was too dangerous, by far. Why didn't he just go to the Grey Tower? Corrielle wondered. The Grey Tower? What was that? Daris rubbed his temples.

"I'm sure half of that isn't even close to true," she said. "Are you all right? Perhaps I can do something if you are having headaches again."

"I'm fine," he assured her. "They are not very bad." A knock at the door caused both of them to jump.

"Open, if you are in the Light!" someone outside yelled.

"That was a Whitecloak if I ever heard one," Corrielle whispered. "You had better get out of here, and quick!" Before Daris had time to move, the door burst open, splinters flying everywhere. A woman in a red shawl stood in the doorway. Behind her were two Whitecloaks, and connected to her by the bracelet she wore on her wrist, a man in gray.

"Good. You have found another one," the Aes Sedai said, patting the head of the man in gray. Daris drew his sword, and yelled for Corrielle to run. She knew there was nothing she could do, but the last thing she would ever do was leave her husband to face them alone. She grabbed an old sword from the corner and held it the way Daris had shown her. The Whitecloaks smiled a superior smile and advanced. "I have no quarrel with you," the red Sister said. "If you leave now, I will forget you were here." Corrielle was about to tell her she could go to the Shadow, for all she cared, when the silver gateway appeared at the bottom of the stairs. The way back will come but once. Be steadfast. She started for the gate, and heard the laughter of the Aes Sedai behind her. Looking down at her hand, she saw the sword was still in it. I couldn't do much, but at least I might stop them from…Oh Light. She forced herself not to turn around. The clash of steel was the last thing she heard as she threw herself through the arch.


"I am very glad," Corrielle murmured to herself, "that there is no Red Ajah in the Grey Tower, or I would be trying to kill some of them right now." An Aes Sedai poured a second chalice of water over her head. "You are washed clean of false pride. You are washed clean of false ambition. You come to us washed clean, in heart and soul." The third test would be the worst, Corrielle knew, though how anything could be worse than the two things she had just faced, she did not know. "The third time is for what will be. The way back will come but once. Be steadfast." Corrielle took a deep breath and stepped into the light.


A persistent drizzle fell around her as she ran toward the manor house. It seemed to retreat before her, and each step didn't seem to be bringing her any closer. At last, she reached the door, just as thunder crashed and lightning lit the night sky, illuminating the city of Illian with an eerie glow. A woman came to meet her. She could have been Corrielle's twin sister except for the gray in her auburn hair and blue eyes instead of brown.

"Where have you been, Kellan?" she asked. "We were all worried sick about you and your father was about to send men out to search for you!" "I got caught in the storm, mother. I tried to make it home before the rain started, but…" her voice trailed off. So my name is Kellan again, is it? She thought. And who is this woman I just called mother? "Nyrin!" a booming voice came from another room. "Did you find her?" The owner of the voice stormed into the room. He was a tall man, dark haired, dark eyed, and wore a fine coat cut in Illianer fashion.

"Yes, Tallar," Nyrin answered. "She just got caught in the storm. It wasn't her fault." He looked doubtful, and turned to Kellan.

"Do you have any idea how much trouble you have caused?" he asked. "If you weren't your mother's daughter, I'd…" Kellan cut him off.

"Just my mother's? You certainly wouldn't want to claim me as your own, would you?" she whispered. A dangerous glow danced in her eyes, and Tallar looked ready to explode.

"How dare you ask me that? I married your mother, even knowing she was with child by a man who could channel, and I raised you as my own! What did I ever give my own children that I did not give you?"

"Patience," Kellan answered simply. Her defiant stance cracking, just a little. Tallar's face softened.

"Kellan, I'm sorry," he said. "I did not mean to be so hard on you. You know I love you as my own child." She nodded, not quite ready to accept his apology. Tallar Paranon had been as good a father to her as he could, and she knew it, though sometimes, she wished her real father still lived. For months now, she had felt something odd, and from what she had read, she suspected it was her own ability to channel manifesting itself. How nice it would have been to have someone to talk to, someone who understood. Her parents, especially her father, feared the One Power, and anything to do with it, though with good reason. Sometimes, Kellan thought they should have been Tariens instead of an Illianer and an Andoran.

It had been hard, but Kellan had decided she had to leave. In fact, she had been in the city buying supplies when the storm hit. She had yet to tell her parents, and the way things seemed to be going, now was as good a time as any.

"I know you love me, father, and you too, mother, but I can not stay here," she told them. "I am leaving. Perhaps I will go to the Grey Tower, I can learn what I must there." The significance of what she was saying hit both of her parents at the same time.

"You can channel," Tallar said. It was a statement, not a question.

"How long have you known?" her mother asked.

"I don't know, a month, perhaps," Kellan told them.

"You were planning to leave without telling us," Tallar said. "After all we have done for you." Kellan wanted to explain, to tell him she was grateful, and she loved him, but she never had the chance. A shining gate appeared over the main entrance to the house. The way back will come but once. Be steadfast. Kellan only needed a minute to explain, but somehow she knew the gate would not be there forever. She turned and ran toward the gate.

"Kellan! Come back!" her mother shouted. No, I only need a minute! She felt tears come to her eyes, but kept running.


In the moment she came out of the ter'angreal, Corrielle felt a wave of hatred for the Dark One. It could not have been a coincidence, two times in the ter'angreal she had heard that her father died from the taint. All her life she had wondered who her parents were and if they still lived. To find so suddenly that one was dead from the taint made her want to go to Shayol Ghul and tear him to pieces herself. The cold water from the last chalice did nothing to cool her anger.

"You are washed clean of Corrielle Nerander from Andor. You are washed clean of all ties that bind you to the world. You come to us washed clean, in heart and soul. You are Corrielle Nerander, Accepted of the Grey Tower. You are sealed to us now," the Aes Sedai said. Two others came forward and put the banded dress of the Accepted on her, and one put the Great Serpent ring on the third finger of her left hand. She ran her fingers over the seven bands, and stopped when her finger touched the band of green.

"The Green Ajah is the Battle Ajah," she whispered fiercely to herself. "Dedicated to fighting the Dark One when Tarmon Gaidon comes, and whenever there is need." Corrielle knew, in that moment, what the color of the fringe on her shawl would be when she was raised Aes Sedai.